Going "home" - need you to talk me down really

[DramaDromedary]

Hi everyone. It's Monday, and I'm struggling with homeschooling and drowning in worksheets from my children's German primary school, so please bear with me.

We live in Germany, and my family, including elderly (but otherwise healthy) parents, are all in the UK. We Zoom every weekend, and talk more than we did before lockdown, as I'm sure a lot of people do. My mum is famously stoical - never says anything even vaguely emotional, and talks about "old people" like she isn't one of them - she's 78. I was on the phone to her the other night, and she suddenly burst into tears, and said that when she was lying awake at 3am, in her lowest moments, she wondered whether she would ever see me again.

This has really got to me. And I suppose I've started wondering the same. I can't see the time when we'll be able to travel again, and certainly not easily like we used to. I've started to mull over the logistics of flying over there and holing up in a part of my parents' house for 2 weeks to quarantine, staying a further week with them, and then coming home to Germany and holing up for another 2 weeks here. I mean, it's doable, but it would mean leaving my husband behind to feed the cat, and I'm not sure he'd go for it. Then I think, it's ridiculous, what would I do with the children there for 3 weeks, without any of their toys. We could easily catch CV on the plane, and if we're going to have it, I'd much rather be in Germany, iykwim!! Not to mention the possibility of giving it to my parents, however much we tried to stay away from them when we got there. And then I think, arguably, if we don't do it now, while the children aren't at school and their summer holidays will be here soon anyway, when WILL we see our family again??

So basically, I just wondered what the thoughts of other overseas dwellers were. Do you have these thoughts about your families too? Do you see your lives abroad differently now? How can I get over this and go back to being alright with it, like I was before? (I've inherited the stoical gene, and tend to just get on with things - but my mum's tears have really thrown me for a loop). I'd really love to chat about it.

Dam.. just lost my long message. @Upandsiedways, sorry you are feeling low. It is hard and it is harder to be abroad and away from family rather than a few hours away.

My Mum was hospitalised on Saturday in Ireland but released on Sunday. It was a diabetes related toe infection and my Dad is rather dismissive of her illnesses and she doesn't really eat well, keep herself or the house clean and she hardly moves at all which is all bad news for diabetes and for COVID risk. Dad will be OK because he eats well and exercises. It would be hard for me to travel to see her on my own as it's more than one flight away but I do fear that if I don't see her soon, I might not see her again.

I know I choose this life and there are many many plus sides but in the last year there have been some very difficult times and to move seems more difficult and risky than to stay.

It's reassuring reading this and knowing others share the same feelings. We were due to go 'home' to the UK in July, first time in 2 years, and with a newborn to meet everyone for the first time. My oldest has been talking about it for months. Obviously we won't be going now. We are open to going later in the year depending on restrictions, but we may be unable to get a passport for the baby any time soon so not sure it will be possible even if flights resume and quarantine is no longer required. I won't go of we have to self-isolate for 2 weeks.

My mum has struggled with the knowledge she may not meet her newest grandchild for a year or more. I think she comforts herself with the fact that even if we were in the UK, she wouldn't be meeting her just yet. She also knows we are much safer over here than we would be in the UK (we're in Thailand, which has surprisingly few cases and deaths, even if we assume the figures are somewhat massaged).

The whole thing is just really sad. I'm also mindful that airlines keeps saying flight prices will go through the roof once routes open up again due to leaving seats empty etc... will I even be able to afford to fly a family of 5 halfway across the world?!

I lived overseas for many many years, and I can imagine how hard it is to feel cut off, and 'stuck'. It is one thing living overseas with the option of flying home when you need to, quite another being unable to fly. Even if you are in a beautiful country, home can feel a long way away at times.
I used to get bouts of homesickness, it would last for a few days and recede and all I could think of was the UK and crave some part of it.

We are now coming out of lockdown, starting to see friends and family again. The clap for the NHS may sound strange to you, but has been a wonderful thing for the neighbours on every street, in every village each week to see each other, as well as to show gratitude to our brave NHS and carers. For the elderly another point of contact.

One thing you will notice when you come back is how much closer everyone is now. We are all in this together, and you can tell because people now drink and chat to neighbours in the sunshine in the evenings now. We all have time for each other, the weather has been amazing for months now so everyone is outside all of the time. The street parties on VE day felt like the 1970s again :) There are many things that feel that way to be honest, but in a good way.

Now the lockdown is easing, flights will soon resume. You will be able to fly home if you need to, and see your families. This situation will not last forever. It will pass for now. Although the second wave is likely to come later in the year, so if you are making plans to come back do so over the summer (late summer, early autumn we are being told here). It may remerge in the winter - just in time for christmas!

All the best to you all.