Would you move to the US

[SlouM]

DH has been offered a promotion with his current employer - but in the US.

We have a choice to live in Dallas or the Silicon Valley area near San Jose. He's a high earner and the relocation will all be taken care of so my doubts aren't money related

DCs are yr 6 and yr 4 and we have almost ageing parents, especially my Mum who lives alone and doesn't have other family in the U.K.

I don't know what to think! Most of my instincts are to say no (especially regarding moving kids as they get close to senior school age) and because of my Mum. On the other hand it would be exciting and it's a great opportunity for DH.

I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for - just opinions really!

No

Yes I would go for 5 years or so. I couldn't live there forever but I think it would be too good an opportunity to miss and the experience would be great.

DCs are yr 6 and yr 4 and we have almost ageing parents, especially my Mum who lives alone and doesn't have other family in the U.K.

These are the two factors that jump out to me. Your kids are at an OK age to change educational system right now, but soon they really won't be. If you wanted to move back in say 4 years you'd be at a terrible age for them to be switching system.

At this stage, I'd say either expect that it might be permanent commitment, or don't do it at all, from your children's educational POV.

It also depends on whether you want to stay in the UK to be closer to your mum. Mine would be devastated if she knew that I had chosen to stay in the UK just for her, but she's unusual I think. I do miss her, but she visits twice a year, and I visit her as often as possible, and we chat a lot.

I would absolutely go to San Jose. I recently moved to CA from NY and life here is truly amazing compared both to NY and London where I lived before. Trump is hated here, CA is one of the most liberal states and is on the cutting edge in environmental policy etc. In either NY or CA I have never seen a gun nor do I know of anyone who has one except for hunting. Of course there are issues such as the homeless problem but that doesn't impact your daily life. The weather can't be underestimated, when the sun shines most of the time you just want to get outside. It puts you in a great mood every day. Sure there is traffic in CA but you plan your life to not deal with it, live with a good commute. My kids have only ever been in US public schools and we are very happy, the parents are motivated and care about their children's education and the teaching quality has been excellent. Life in general in CA is so much easier than the UK. I have also never experienced terrible healthcare, we are fortunate to have good insurance which I'm sure OP would also have and everything has always been top notch. Of course there are times when you have to question a decision made by the insurance company but that never impacts the quality of your care. And as for lack of variety I can't even believe I read that. 2 weeks ago we drove to go skiing, along the way we drove through city, desert, mountains, canyons. Incredible. Every day right now I see the Pacific Ocean and snow covered mountains. Of course you can't go to European cities as easily but US cities aren't so bad and Canada and Mexico are also a close hop. In general I think crime stats for the US are greatly exaggerated and a lot of towns in CA are some of the safest places you can live. I could never go back to the UK now, I had a dream I had to the other night and woke up in tears!

It also depends on whether you want to stay in the UK to be closer to your mum. Mine would be devastated if she knew that I had chosen to stay in the UK just for her, but she's unusual I think. I do miss her, but she visits twice a year, and I visit her as often as possible, and we chat a lot.

ALL of my family have said they're so glad I moved to the States. They miss me of course (I hope) but it's plain for everyone to see how much better my life, and ds's life is here than it would be in the UK.

I was a bit tipsy when I made my post last night but I meant it, I couldn't have in my wildest dreams have dreamt of living somewhere as amazing as I do now. I have to pinch myself sometimes that it's actually true.

wireswireswires me too. I pinch myself daily. My family are also glad, they love to come visit (of course I lived in NY before with no space and they hated that) and think it is by far the best place to raise kids. It is also funny how everyone harps on about costs because everyone I know who moves from the US to the UK can't get over how expensive it is there! I think it just breaks down a bit differently.

@britinnyc1 definitely breaks down differently. Everyone that's visited us here is amazed at how much cheaper life generally is.

And DH and I blanch going back to the Uk. Although the current exchange rate has helped with that lol!

I could never go back to the UK now, I had a dream I had to the other night and woke up in tears!

I used to have those fairly regularly! Thankfully they seem to have stopped now.

Geographically it's a lovely country but there are two big show stoppers for me - lack of gun control and Donald Trump.

OP in San Jose you will also probably meet a lot of other British expats. Probably not so much in Dallas if that is a concern. That can make a big difference with the homesickness. There are tons of Brits in LA (and even a Facebook group for it) and I bet the Bay area is similar. All my kids football (soccer) coaches are British, I meet people who grew up within a couple of miles of me etc and that is really nice.

I’d go in a heartbeat. I really love the US and the people and both areas I’ve been to and have really loved. If you don’t love it you can always come back, it doesn’t have to be permanent. I also think it’s great for your children to experience a different culture. It will give them an enriched childhood.

I’d make sure there are flights included for returns back to the UK a few times a year so that you can see family.

I could never go back to the UK now, I had a dream I had to the other night and woke up in tears!

I still have them! And I loved the UK and never thought I'd leave. It's not like I hated it!

I have done this twice now once with school aged kids and once without. If there are good schools available then I would seriously consider it, both kids made friends did things st school they wouldn’t have done here and saw a lot of the States. We had lots of visitors who had great holidays with us,( still talk about it). I found it easier the first time to make friends because of the kids having said that we have travelled a lot so have seen many different areas of the States. Both times we have committed to a certain time with a review.
The kids settled in to their old schools with no problem when they got back and both have done a lot lot of traveling as adults.

We've been living in the US for around 10 years now and absolutely love it here. The scenery is amazing, lakes, mountains and beaches within an easy drive and short internal flights to tropical islands, deserts or snow.
Trump has no impact on our day to day lives and will be gone from office in the next few years, I would imagine that Brexit is a bigger deal and has a more real impact on everyday life.
Despite living in a Southern State, I have never seen a MAGA cap (other than at Halloween!) and have never seen a gun outside of law enforcement or a gun store.
The only thing that would give me pause for thought is when or if you are likely to return to the UK. High school is very different and could be challenging for older children to slot back into a UK school any where near GCSE or A-level time.
Based upon my own DS's experience, I would say that the Maths and science teaching is far ahead of the UK but English is behind (at least until 11/12th Grade). Social studies is likely to have very different content, my DS did US history every other year until High School!

Trump has no impact on our day to day lives and will be gone from office in the next few years, I would imagine that Brexit is a bigger deal and has a more real impact on everyday life.

Very true. I know two people that voted for Trump and they've both since said they wish they hadn't.

You can live somewhere very liberal where there's no Trump supporters and no guns. It's not all machine guns, racists and crack over here.

I lived in the US a long time ago, I prefer living in the UK. There's Trump, guns, massive inequality, no NHS, no pavements and being away from your family.

Meanwhile back in the UK we have Brexit. You should probably go.

NFW, not to Dallas.

How long for?

If Yr 6 would you come back in time for your eldest to do GCSEs? Many schools start in Yr 9. And teens really hate leaving friends.

What are your own interests and activities? What will your own life be like?

Could your mum come out to you for a couple of weeks every couple of months? That would be a lot cheaper than the whole family coming home.

If it meant a forever stay, I wouldn't do it, but I'd definitely do it for a few years if my mum could come out to stay regularly.

No, I wouldn't. Too many things add up to bother me. I might (MIGHT) consider it if it was for something like a two year contract, I knew it would be well paid with excellent health insurance and we 100% had something to come back to.

What worries me though:
Guns - I realise that is is still rather rare, but an increased chance of school shootings is terrifying and the idea that I'd have to brief my DC in gun safety (which I wouldn't know where to start) in case they ever came across one at somebody's house freaks me out. School shootings always seem to happen in places people say you would never expect it either.

Healthcare costs, even with insurance

Healthcare seeming massively influenced by profits and litigation culture - e.g. birth more medicalised, etc. Partly because that's a bit alarming but partly because it seems to encourage a dichotomy where a much higher percentage of people (than in the UK) get frightened away from doctors entirely and end up in places like the antivaccination movement.

Crap working rights

People going to work when they're sick - meaning you get ill more - crazy germophobia seems less crazy when you think about it that way.

No/very little maternity leave without losing your job (not even being a case of having the option to take longer unpaid) and childcare seems poorly regulated and expensive.

University crazily expensive

Extreme weather - hurricanes and storms and wildfires - I understand that's location dependent but it would put me off an area.

Religion - maybe I'm too grumpy and British.

Higher incidence of car crashes and car crash deaths not only by km driven but in general since cars are basically a necessity there, the driving test is less stringent and there is no mandated regular maintenance check.

Aggressive police/having to actively teach my sons to be scared of/defer to police. OK, we are white, this is likely to be minimal, but the culture is extremely different. I think it's crazy that a 17 year old could end up with a criminal record for being caught drinking for example.

General culture of having to supervise children at all times and lack of being seen as neglect, not just bad parenting but actual neglect worthy or reporting to CPS. Moving from the UK would be bad enough - moving from Germany would be awful having got used to the freedom kids have here.

But - I also felt I could never move permanently out of the UK, and then we moved to Germany, and we have been here 5 years and could stay forever and I'd be happy.

The UK is not a great place to live :( It's easier to see the context from the outside. And a lot of things which worry me about the US are becoming problems in the UK too.

Meanwhile there are good things about the US:

Money's good if you can make it.

English speaking so if you did want to retrain, get casual work etc it's easy (not easy in a country you're not fluent in the language of)

Schools are generally good. Special needs support is actually much much better than the UK. It takes a while to get it but not as long as CAMHS. And you get support for at home which is nonexistent in the UK.

Just interesting to see and experience a different culture.

Weather is often nicer.

Houses are cheaper and bigger with better features (e.g. forced air which does cooling in the summer and heating in the winter, rather than choosing either/or).

People are nice and welcoming. It seems fake to us when it happens in the context of our culture but that's not true, they really genuinely mean it (IME).

Excellent support for mental health and other health issues for adults without having to wait for years or running into underfunding problems.

Flights are getting cheaper all the time. These days you have skype, facetime, paypal - it's so much easier to live an international life. It doesn't have to feel halfway around the world any more.

(Sorry just realised my last post was massively negative).

General culture of having to supervise children at all times and lack of being seen as neglect, not just bad parenting but actual neglect worthy or reporting to CPS.

This just isn't true. Every parent I know here (and the school system I'm in) is SO much more laid back and free than the UK.

People are nice and welcoming. It seems fake to us when it happens in the context of our culture but that's not true, they really genuinely mean it (IME).

Yes! It makes me sad when I see people talk about Americans being fake in regards to friendliness. I wonder if people in the UK perceive me that way as well. Sure, you get some forced cheeriness for tips and whatnot, but most of the Americans you meet are genuinely welcoming.

Have you lived in the US BertieBotts? I haven't met many other people who've lived in both the US and Germany.

I did love Germany - I'd move back there fairly happily.

My parents moved there to work and I was at boarding school but visited in the holidays, I loved it. There is loads to offer and it's not for life so why not.