Would you move to the US

[SlouM]

DH has been offered a promotion with his current employer - but in the US.

We have a choice to live in Dallas or the Silicon Valley area near San Jose. He's a high earner and the relocation will all be taken care of so my doubts aren't money related

DCs are yr 6 and yr 4 and we have almost ageing parents, especially my Mum who lives alone and doesn't have other family in the U.K.

I don't know what to think! Most of my instincts are to say no (especially regarding moving kids as they get close to senior school age) and because of my Mum. On the other hand it would be exciting and it's a great opportunity for DH.

I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for - just opinions really!

I've never seen a maga cap or a gun. OP most of America is not like what you see on the news. People are friendly and happy for the most part. I'm not in California but next door, and the outdoor lifestyle thing is true. Great weather, hiking and if you'll be in California, beaches. I assume your husband's company will cover health insurance so the care you receive will be top notch and fast if needed.

Having said that though, we do plan on moving back to the UK/Ireland at some stage to be closer to family again. But if you have the opportunity to make a lot of money for a few years then why not?

I’ve lived in San Jose and I’d do it again. I’m an American that moved to England but I still miss the US. I think the perception of Americans and American life here is very different to what my reality was there. As people have said, it very much depends on where you live. But I think it’s a tremendous opportunity with many benefits.

That being said, I don’t know if I’d suggest moving away from your mom. I moved away from my parents and it’s been difficult. I only did it because I have siblings there to take care of them, and my ILs would be alone here otherwise.

It’s a big move. I’d only consider it seriously if your DH is absolutely set on it, for the right reasons. Even then, I’d consider carefully. If you’re ambivalent at best, I wouldn’t go. Resentment could kick in very quickly.

Both states have the death penalty which,on top of gun situation, political extremism even in mainstream politics, etc would make this a no for me ( American long term resident in uk here). Your mum having no other family network here in uk would be the other reason I would be very hesitant to consider this move. This for you all - her, you and her grandchildren.
Your kids are at an age where they would be far lower down any scale
Of concerns for me.
Good luck op. It’s a very difficult situation.

I live in the Bay area (but North of SF) and it is a wonderful place to be: great weather, access to the outdoors, people from all over the world (so not Trump’s base!), tons of job opportunities.
But there is also shocking inequalities and the cost of living is really high.
And from a personal perspective, my Mom passed away last year, in the past 3 years she could not come and visit us as the trip was just too much. I was only able to see her once in her last year. I was stuck here for visa issues for a long time and when she passed, I had not seen her in almost a year. It is hard being so far away. The guilt is really bad (even if my Mom always encouraged me to live my life and was not trying to guilt trip me). It also put a lot of pressure on my

Pressure on my siblings I meant.
I still love it here. But if you are currently happy where you are and the move is 100% for work, don’t do it. If you are curious about living abroad, the children are game, you can see benefits for yourself (career wise or other things), consider it, but know it will have challenges. Good luck!

No, I wouldn't.

Another expat in (southern) California here - a lot of the negative things people are spouting is true of Dallas but not California - I’ve never seen a gun out of a police holster, no MAGA hats, everyone is a leftie liberal and are well informed on global issues so will commiserate with you about abrexit while you commiserate with them about Trump, your DH will prob be on an excellent package so healthcare won’t be a financial issue (although it certainly is a moral one) and the comment about variety is ridiculous - within 2 hours of Los Angeles I can be in the mountains with snow, the desert or halfway to hawaii!

If it’s for a finite amount of time DEFINATELY, then go. We came thinking 3/4yrs and it’s been 7....I do get very homesick and everywhere feels very far away. To be honest Brexit is making us question moving home but I do sometimes wish it had had a definate end date because now I feel like if we decide to stay it will be the wrong decision and if we go home it could be catastrophic....

We did when DC1 was the same age as your DC1. We love it here and have very few regrets. The main one of ours is that we are away from our parents and healthy 71 turns to much more elderly 81 in the blink of an eye.

The difference between Year 6 and Grade 5 is a weird one. Education starts slowly here but then it ramps up and 5th Grade is the grade it really ramps up in. DC1 struggled with the change of both culture of the country and school culture. The school suggested he took Ritalin (despite having no diagnosis of anything, and still doesn’t) within the first 6 weeks which was so alien to us.
The teachers soon learned what my opinion of that was!

Guns are a non issue to me. Never see them and never have. I feel much safer strolling around alone in NYC than I do in London. I only properly know one Trump supporter and he’d already become a wonderful friend to our family before he truly shared his politics! We just agree to disagree on that score. Our lives haven’t really changed (current tax bill going up loads, aside) between the Obama and Trump eras.

At the end of the day, go with your heart. If this is something that excites you and you’re willing to make the (pretty big) effort to make it work, you’ll love it.

Moved here 8 years ago and wouldn't go back to the UK even if I was offered £2million.

My life here is more than I ever dreamed of. I thank my lucky stars every single day that I'm here.

And I'm a mardy welsh/ Londoner who's generally grim and miserable.

The right place in the States really is the land of opportunity.

I would in a heartbeat.
Wish I had the opportunity to but highly unlikely.

I think that people focus way too much on the negatives instead of the positives.
The longest I spent in America was 3 months and cried when I came home!

Good luck whatever you decide :)

No I wouldn’t move. I lived in the US for a few years, came home in 2008 for a few reasons but mostly because my parents were approaching 70.

I have got a green card and we still own a house there, I have still got access to fantastic health insurance but I wouldn’t move back, ever.

I didn’t enjoy living in the US but the driver for me coming home was my parents, they are now nearly 80 and I have been abe to see them every few weeks for the last decade which means a lot.

I'm an American who has lived in the UK, Dallas, and the Bay area of California. I'd say definitely go for it! Your kids are at an age where the transition should be easy, and being a part of a school community will give you a place to make friends quickly.

Dallas would be a good choice if you are interested in exploring the whole of the US -- DFW airport puts you in a perfect position for direct flights to either coast and places in between. And Dallas has many direct flights back to the UK. California would be a good choice if you love nature and are excited about West Coast adventures with your family. I know you said finances are not a concern but cost of living is so much higher in California than Texas, so you'll want to do your research to know what to expect.

I can relate to your worrying about your mom. My mom is a widow and I hated being so far from her. But she found travel between Dallas and London really easy, and we had a lot of memorable and fun visits. If your mom will let you fly her over, she may really enjoy visiting you in the US. If the situation changes, you can always reassess and move back closer to her.

We ended up moving to Dallas when my DS was preschool age. It's a sophisticated and nice city, with fantastic shopping and restaurants. The summers are very hot but you just need to have a pool or access to one! I did not mind London weather at all, but I did realize once back in Dallas that the frequent sunshine had a great effect on my mood. If you do choose Dallas, I would suggest you go for one of the North Dallas private schools, rather than the public schools in the Park Cities or Plano. I just think that the culture at some of the private schools would make an easier transition coming from the UK. Feel free to PM me about schools.

I don't know much about life in Silicon Valley, but we moved to the East Bay not long ago and really like it. It's friendly, beautiful, expensive (home similar to our Dallas one would be at least 3 times as expensive here), politically liberal, which we like. We have natural beauty right where we live, and many beautiful places a short drive away. However, we are finding it limiting being such a long flight from the East Coast of the US and from places we want to go in Europe. A lot of people seem to vacation in Lake Tahoe and Hawaii.

Sorry that was very long! Good luck with your decision.

No
1, Trump
2, The health and social care system
3, gun control

I’d go without hesitation.

What an exciting opportunity,

Go go go.

I find it hard to believe there are no guns seen . My dh works in North Carolina a few times a year for a blue chip company and he has seen guns in the workplace and pick ups with gun racks etc in the car parks.

How many school shootings have there been in the last 5 years?

A no from me.

I'd go in a heartbeat

I have seen handguns (holstered) carried by people in Colorado. Colorado ffs! First at a petrol station guy just got out of personal normal vehicle - no sign at all that he was law enforcement etc. I was actually frightened. Hate it. At least col does not have death penalty (although slightly messy compromise position there). Relatives talk nonchalantly of carrying guns in handbags. Actually found a handgun clearing up stuff at relative’s house after bereavement. Didn’t touch it (at criminal bar in uk and could conceive of my fingerprints being on a gun - was also really worried about security at us and Uk airports as if I might have residue on hands). It is called gun ‘culture’ for a reason !!

Considering it's the US with the current President, he's already a high earner and family concerns, then no way.

Should have read ‘could not conceive of my fingerprints on a gun’ !

Oh, forgot Brexit.
That's a maybe, then.

Thanks so much everyone - so much to think about. I love Mumsnet for making you realise you're not alone. We're not st the stage I can talk to anyone else about it just yet.

Your kids could end up settling there forever. I don't think I could invite that potential headache into my life.

lljkk that made me 😂! Of course the OP's kids could move there independently anyway (mine has two passports).

Well, as I have already said I wouldn't do it anyway and I could go back tomorrow if I wanted to ..... but, if it is a short term move and your kids will end up rejoining the UK education system in their secondary years I would think hard about that too as the US education system is very different.

For me though I missed my family, my lovely M&D and my siblings. Had I stayed there I would have denied DD the close relationship that she has with them all and as an only child I wanted her to have that (as well as me wanting to spend as much time as possible with my ageing parents in particular).

FWIW those of us saying we’ve never seen guns are telling the truth - I’m not surprised the PP’s DH saw them in NC but in Los Angeles in 7 years no I haven’t and everyone at school has the same opinion on them that we do (don’t have them, don’t want them, some don’t take their children to see parents out of state because they have guns) BUT my friend who just moved to Dallas hasn’t seen any but knows now which other parents keep them (she’s been shown them, locked away separate to ammunition) but yes that freaked her out and everyone is a lot more openly religious than in LA - not that it’s jecessarily a bad thing but I’m wary of evangelicalism in the States

It really does depend where you are and there are many things that frustrate me about living here and upset me (being so far from family, my parents are young but I have nieces and nephews I really miss watching grow up) but it annoys me when people who’ve never lived here make sweeping statement like “trump, guns, healthcare” just as in the same way when I hear Americans say they could never live in the U.K. because of the rain and Brexit!

Using it as an opportunity to travel around the states is good though, every spring break we go somewhere different and have visited New Orleans, Portland, Austin and Houston, Hawaii and doing a road trip through the reservations to New Mexico this year. But going home and seeing all my nearest and dearest just once a year (my parents come to us two or threee times) does really suck