Anyone moved back to the UK from France. Am I mad to even think about it?

[Mselsasser]

For the past year I’ve been seriously considering moving back to the UK with my children but am so worried that I am being selfish and naïve and it will be detrimental to us all.
I’ve been living in France for 12 years (4 years in Germany and Switzerland before that) with my DH (we are both English) and 2 DC (11 & 12 in Feb). DC were both born here and attend local French schools. DH has a good job that pays well. I’ve been a stay at home mum since we have lived in France.
We live in a lovely house, in a lovely safe village with easy access to all the great outdoor countryside and activities. The climate is great (usually) and all in all it has a lovely relaxed feel. The schools my children attend have a very good reputation and are just a short walk away, however the French schooling system is harsh with no extra support for those children who need it and with my inadequate level of French It is so frustrating and difficult to get my point across to the teachers let alone support with all the homework etc. DC1 isn’t struggling but I do think DC2 is a little. I think they might both manage better in their mother tongue. Clubs for the kids here are limited and I feel they are both missing out on going out and socialising with friends etc. They have a lot of interests but there just isn’t the opportunity for them.
I have been offered my old job back (in a different part of the country as previously) and as I’m now 48 I’d really like to take it. The job will be near my family, but after some research I’ve discovered that ALL secondary schools are oversubscribed so this may mean DC going to a school miles away from where we end up living. This worries me.
That isn’t all that worries me. I’m wondering if the enjoyment of working will quickly fade, and I will regret the decision to return. Also, DH will stay here as work in the UK for him just isn’t an option. We will have to sell the house so it will all feel very permanent once the decision has been made.
If anyone has any advice for me or any words of wisdom, I would appreciate that so much.
Oh and then there is Brexit...Ooh la la!

So your DH would stay in France? How would that work? I don't think that would be great for your relationship.

Hmm, with Brexit I wouldn't be moving my dc out of Europe at the moment.
It is a pain helping dc through a schooling system whose language you aren't fluent in. I lived in a Spanish speaking country and had no Spanish when I arrived so I do sympathize. I found hiring a native speaking tutor to support homework a couple of times a week a great help.
Do you want to continue your marriage?
What would your dc think about this plan?
I haven't been working for the last couple of years and I do find it frustrating, is there any work you can do where you are, or virtually?

I'm struggling to understand how after 12 years of living in France that you can't communicate fully still with your DC's teachers. Have you not integrated? Are your children not fluent in French either? (you say they may find things easier in their mother tongue?)

I think you may struggle with massive culture shock if you move back to the UK AND start working again AND leaving your DH behind. It doesn't sound like a recipe for a happy life. What is the real driver behind you wanting to move back? It sounds like you've never fully integrated into France, is that why you want to leave?

(I write this as someone who used to live in France but was dragged back to the U.K. kicking and screaming by my employer......I would much rather have stayed in France!)

My two cents: now is not the time to be moving back to the UK.

Having been away so long, anyway, I think you’ll find that you hardly recognise it.

And you’re burning your boats if you leave right now.

At least wait until the spring and see what happens.

Thinking this through your dc must be fluent if they have been there since birth? My dc became fluent in 18 months when small. I am going to assume your French is pretty good if not native?
What clubs would you want your dc to be doing that they aren't at the moment? Are there other ways of getting them the experiences, over summer breaks for example.

I am a bit confused by your post OP, if your children are French and have lived there their entire life, attending French schools, surely their "mothertongue" is as much French as it is English? The school system in France does sucks and the lack of support from teachers and staff is terrible and definitely not made to adapt for children who need a bit of extra help (which is terrible) so I don't blame you for feeling that way about the school system. But I am also surprised that after 12 years in a French village you still seem to struggle with French to the point where communication with teachers is difficult?

Could fixing the language issues (taking classes etc...) help solve most of the issues? I wouldn't move back pre-brexit and probably wouldn't move back at all if it meant uprooting the kids from their homecountry and their father for no real good reasons really.

Linning the way I understand it, OP and her husband are both British and native English speakers. So therefore children are British and English mother tongue. The children can become French when they are 18 provided they have lived in France for the right amount of time prior to their request.

Just get them a bilingual tutor?
How are they supposed to integrate at this age in UK schools? And with an absent DF?

OP I too would wait and see what happens with Brexit.
I know what you mean about opportunities. When my DC were primary age I compared to the opportunities of my nieces and nephews and friends' children in the UK and even my own childhood and felt a bit envious and sad for my children. However they don't know any better so are quite happy.
Now we are in the last few years of secondary and many of the teens in the UK I know are so stressed. Mental ill health is a much bigger problem in the UK for teens. So I don't regret being this side of the channel any more!

I’d wait my mum moved country “home” when l was 12 and it was the biggest mistake she made. She moved to be near her mum as she knew the area / schools trouble is everything had changed in the 20 years since she’d left.

We ended up back in school in our previous country boarding. As local schools were awful and too late to try and get in selective private schools.

Only difference to your position is my Dad was working in the Middle East.

I think it would be a mistake...the children are 11/12 years you’d up root them from their friends. You’ve not worked in 12 years plus and want to go back to your old job... things won’t be how you remember them.
How would the kids get to school if they are miles away? You’d be forever communting.... your DH wouldn’t be there. So the world your kids know would be upside down!

I don't understand why the children's mother tongue is not French? Ok, you speak English with them but I would have thought they would be bilingual? What do they and your husband say? It sounds like you want to work again. Could you do that in France? How do you feel about France in general? Sorry for the interrogation but it can help to answer these questions! I am going through something similar but dh and kids don't want to move which means I really can't without annoying everybody

Also look for a tutor if you are super concerned

Derrin the Cambridge dictionary defines mother tongue as 'the first language that you learn when you are a baby, rather than a language learned at school or as an adult'

So if both parents speak English at home, even if a child is schooled in a different language, English will be their mother tongue.

I agree it would be a mistake! French secondary schools are far from ideal (I teach in one), but there is help available for children who struggle.... Things have moved on (a little)! Please get in touch with your son's teachers if you are really concerned.
À tutor could be helpful for homework too, or 'devoirs faits' which is a scheme in every state Collège where the kids do their homework with a teacher (usually at lunchtime).
What you are considering sounds like a huge upheaval which would only benefit you, to put it bluntly. What does your DH think about you moving to a different country without him? Can you try to learn French properly to help you to integrate and (maybe) find work?

I'm in France, my DC are bilingual but their mother tongue is still English.

I know I phrased that wrong. I meant that even if they only spoke French at school and with friends I wouldn't expect it to cause the problems the OP is suggesting by now.

Also that definition is too simplistic. My children's mothertongue would be English - as I spoke to them in English as babies but it is not their strongest language. Mother-tongue us often used as shorthand for strongest language but this is not necessarily the case.

I wouldn't.
The English education system is falling apart, ditto the NHS.
It is only going to get worse.

Stay in France!

/Mother-tongue us often used as shorthand for strongest language but this is not necessarily the case./

I agree.

However OPs child may be struggling in a way not linked to having a different home language. There are plenty of children who struggle at school without being exposed to a different language at home.

The issue seems to be that the OP can't support the children because her French is not strong enough.

No way I would move to the UK right now.

Our government is falling apart.
NHS on its knees.
School system underfunded to shit and disintegrating.

It's a very scary and depressing place to be right now.

That's not even mentioning the weather.

Support here for children with SN is not great either and for some while his difficulties will be put down as language barriers, adjusting to the move, lack of dh here. Unless they are major it could take years to get a diagnosis and even then you may have to pay for it and the school might still do nothing except ask for more time in exams. My dd has a diagnosis, specific guidelines but still her (very good) school doesn't put in all the recommended changes. It is fantastic in adjusting for many of her needs but some changes (wider line spacing in assignments) are a step too far. I would try to work out for yourself what the issues could be and set about finding someone to diagnose the problem.

It sounds like some possible benefit to you, but moderately risky for you and the dc and probably negative for your dh (assuming he likes living with you).

If you are feeling unfulfilled, you must address this.

If dc2 has some needs you must address this.

But don’t underestimate the security and idyll you have built for them. The uk school system is awful right now. And commuting to a school further away does not make for an easy transition.

Having been through it as an older teenager I'd say it's now or never whilst they are the ages they are. I really wouldn't though. Stay where you are, the grass isn't greener in this current mess of a country.