[[http://www.telegraph.co.uk/portal/main.jhtml?xml Difference between French and Anglo-Saxon parenting styles

[Anna8888]

Loved this article - so true. What do you think?

If you want to discuss whether or not the article has any foundation in truth, fine. I thought the interest in the article lay in a clear exposé of different parenting styles and I think it would be more useful to discuss what the thinking behind them is, and what type of adults would grow out of each style....

I like the term abrasive though. I find myself being abrasive with my children all the time

Franca - that's interesting.

I am not violent or abrasive with my children and my partner, who used to be, has stopped (after I explained at length why I found it so distressing and counter productive)

Who knows???

Aw, poor you, Franca. But snigger at your claim that the English are condescending about the continent - we are discussing Parisien parents, for heaven's sake, condescending is their thing!

Don't like sneering at Janine, btw, she has born witness to some terrible, terrible things that would give you nightmares for the rest of your life. And put herself in considerable danger to tell the world what is happening to civilians in war zones. AND harassed the UN to rescue women and children when they abandoned a compound where mothers were so desperate they were throwing their babies over barbed wire to get them to supposed safety. Beyond tragic.

Franca - surely you adopt a parenting style in order to help your child to develop into a particular sort of adult?

(She's not a friend, btw, so no axe to grind, just someone I know of professionally and respect.)

Is abrasive used as "ironic" and "dry"? If it isthen yes, I am sometimes abrasive. I'm also very warm and cuddly.

That's how I was raised! Not how I parent tho'.
I think the problem that we have in England is that there are so many conflicting ideas on what is best for children and always someone willing to tell you you're doing it wrong. We're not left to follow our instincts.

"poor" Franca survives Edam, thank you for your concern.
I certainlu wasn't criticizing Janine's former experiences as a war journalist. But still this article is silly, IMO.
Unfortunately I don't adopt "one" parenting style Anna. I'm trying to build a warm and loving environment for them to grow up, with a few principles to hold on to. ANd sense of irony. But it won't be just me and dh who'll make our children. There are many other external infuences.

Abrasive is, to my mind, a behaviour that grates on other people and rubs them up the wrong way.

I like irony and humour with children... basically, I want to behave towards them the way I would like them to behave towards me.

So - no sarcasm, cruelty, abrasive language etc

Franca, I wasn't being sarcastic, genuinely sorry you are homesick! (Can't quite tell from your post if you think I was, or not.)

Right, I was a bit lost in translation then. No, def not cruelty.

cornsilk - not just in England IME.

There are indeed lots of conflicting parenting styles. But I don't believe in following instinct blindly - a lot of what we think is instinct is learned behaviour from our own parents and that can be bad (we're just used to it so think it's normal). I think it's very important to step back from our own childhoods and try to take the good and leave the bad. Which requires rather a lot of thinking and sifting through all the conflicting advice out there until you find your own peace of mind IME.

I thought you were being sarcastic. But I do get often lost in translation

I have to go out now, to buy a present for a ds' class mate's party. Actually ds doesn't want to go, because he says that this boy always beats him up. I actually should start a thread on this...

Franca - yes, do it, that would be interesting...

I really should go now... I've been trying to put off going to Wollies...
Yes, I should. He's been complaining about this beating up thig for a while. But I don't want to go too melodramatic about it.

Glad we got that sorted out, Franca, I think it's the 'cold' nature of written posts. Hard to convey sincerity online!

. I'm glad as well. I'm really off to woolworths now (though dreading it)

(and it doesn't help that my english is still crap, it took me ages to understand that "she has born witness to some terrible, terrible things" didn't mean she was actually born in some tragic conditions.... . and believe me I even passed the useless "proficiency" exam)

It is amazing to read that an article like this can almost start a "fight" on mumsnet. I decided to write a note because I wanted to explain my point of view since I have experienced parenting style in England, France & Denmark.
I am sure the journalist is very good but I do believe it is different to write about war and parenting.
I think it would have been a good idea to look at parenting styles in other places than Paris, maybe it was worth looking in small villages (life is a little different, so maybe parenting styles are different too, just a thought)
Talk to french parents and listen to their point of view etc. I just don't think their is enough in it. I could watch a playground in England or DK, a cafe etc and come of with the same story.
My childrens grandparents (the french ones) are some of the most loving and caring people I have ever met. There is not enough time in a day to give them all the kisses they want to give my children. They show there feeling towards them and their children. They are very loving and the children and grandchildren are the most important in their lives.
My sister-in-law had a baby last july and she is still home taking care of her, and her parents thinks that is just wonderful. I be staying home with our children for 3 and a half year now, I have not had any negative response to that.
You can find evidence of all sorts of parenting style in france in england etc. It is up to the individual family to find the one that suits them the best. I do things my way, some another and so on. I fx. don't like to see a child wearing reins, would feel like I was walking a dog, but for other it is the best way to get out and about. Again it is up to the individual family.
All I want to say is that , that article should never had been written like this, it make it sound like france is an aweful place to bring up your children.
That is so not true, I feel so must joy from people when I go for a walk with my children, people stop to talk, tell you how lovely they are and so on. They love kids.
Just like in England, just like in Denmark and so on. There is no need for talking down to anyone on mumsnet, everyone has they right to their own opinion, and I am sure I will get some response both negative and positive but I will read, maybe learn and response,in a nice way offcourse .
And I do apoligize for spelling mistakes but I am not english so........

Denmark - I'm sure your experiences are real. No doubt.

But, like I said earlier, I think it's a pity to start debating whether the journalist's observations have any basis in fact. And she's not writing a PhD thesis on all the available parenting styles out there.

Much, much more interesting to use the article as a starting point for debate on the different parenting styles

Anna8888 I totally agree that the article is good as a starting point for a debat about parenting. But I just think that that is the way the article should have been written in the first place, that way it would not offend any one, because there is no basis for that. But I like to debat and talk about parenting and I often seek advise here at mumsnet. I just did not like the way french parenting was described i8n the article because I don't believe it is true.

Denmark - I can assure you, like I said, that I thought it rang very true to the style of parenting I see around me and my French (Parisian to the core) partner roared with laughter and said it captured it precisely... he wasn't offended by the way