[[http://www.telegraph.co.uk/portal/main.jhtml?xml Difference between French and Anglo-Saxon parenting styles

[Anna8888]

Loved this article - so true. What do you think?

I find the existence of good creches and playscheme extremely civilized. I like communal solutions to individual needs.

It's really only quite recently that British parents have stopped raising their children like this. I was raised in a similar way (to the french), and I am a lot stricter than many parents around me. I think that if children are going to join you for an adult dinner party, they should behave accordingly.
However, you also need to do things with them for them, and let them behave like childen.
Surely that is how life is, knowing when to behave in a certain way and when its ok not to.
Neither way is completely right or wrong.
(Although I am hoping that perhaps the mother walking away from the toddler was an exception)

it's interesting to read about the toddler trying to catch up with the mother - I've seen similar incidents in Belgium - children are expected to follow their parents, which is why reins aren't used. In fact in Belgium, using reins is seen as a sort of 'lazy' parenting - they think that if you use reins, then you aren't teaching your child how to walk safely.

I'm not sure how how I feel Belgian parenting styles - a lot of it doesn't really suit me - but there are an awful lot of good parents here with well behaved children.

I think you can create "well behaved" children with a wide range of techniques including some very nasty ones.But if you want them to know and choose good behaviour for reasons other than say fear, then I think you need a different approach. I think you often see children (teenagers especially) who are outwardly conforming but very rebellious when their parents aren't around.

Anna, you are right, I did mean violent.
Say, in labour, sexual and interracial relations,
the French appear to be a lot more accepting of violence.

Would you say that's a true impression?

Acutally the French myth I wonder about is whether or not they really are more tolerant of affairs.

an interesting article which partly explains my BIL & sister's attitude to their daughter. I was shocked when they left her to cry (aged two weeks) to prove a point -ie that they were in control, she was only a baby.

My sister returns to work full time on Monday when her DD will be exactly 3 months old.

This does make me sad because I get the feeling they are not enjoying their baby.

Anyway interesting article, thanks.

DaddyJ - yes, it's a society that is far more tolerant of violence towards others. The British are much kinder IMO.

NKF - yes, much more tolerant of affairs . In all their glory - babies born of adultery etc etc

I am danish, been living in England for 3 years, my children are born in England (my partner is french). We moved to France in september last years and I must say that after reading this article I can honestly say I have never seen anything like this. First of all my DD start in french school in september. This is how it works. They start at O9H00 -12H00, Then at 12H00 they go home to parents or maybe grandparents to get lunch, relax etc. Then at 14H00-16H30 back to school. Why are they doing that, because they believe it is to long for at 3 yrs old to stay away from family and that it is very good to come home and have a relaxed lunch with Maman. Then the following year they are ready for lunch at the school.
I have never seen a french parent hit their child (I have seen a few english mums, no offence - I enjoyed living in england). I see a lot of SAHM's with their children, so they are not in daycare from 3 mth old. I go to the playground often and my view is this, I am probably very "protective" where the french are more "relaxed" and wait to get involved until very late. But there is nothing wrong with that. They are very loving, lots of kisses and hugs, so I would like to invite the person who wrote this article to my town, then she can write another one. I am sure you can find exsamples of every kind of parentingstyle in every single country. I am sure there are parents in England or Denmark who send they kinds to nursery at 3 mths, who does not kiss or hug a lot and so on. But an article like this has no place in a newspaper. I believe english parents would be mad if a person would write an article like this about english mums and dads based on looking at a high-street cafe. But that is just my opinion after been living in england and now in france.

good point, Denmark.

Denmark - I can assure you that the article was very representative of my experience here in Paris (and my French partner read it and completely agreed with it).

I keep wondering why you are still living in such an evil country Anna. Come back here, mothers are ever so lovely, children play happily all day long while learning all their letters, they are not "forced" to go to nursery at all (nurseeris, what an uncivilized, dickenians insitutions!), people are ever so polite, gentle and understanding.

Franca - there are lots of things I like here and I post about them regularly . There is good and bad wherever you are in the world.

And on nurseries - I don't like crèches/institutional care for non-talking children but I'm fine with early school after that, once children are able to make themselves understood to others and, critically, tell me about what's been happening to them.

I really think that article is silly Anna, and slightly racist, with the usual Anglo-American condescenscion towards other countries. See I'm making generalizations as well. I don't really think it's a great piece of journalism.
And i don't think that, as a rule, shocking things happen to small children in creches.

Franca - have you lived in Paris?

As another poster pointed out, the author of the article is a long-standing reputable journalist and former war correspondent - not some freelance features writer (this type of article tends to be written by freelance features writers).

Unfortunately not, I'm not denying that the author has witnessed episodes of bad parenting, but to draw conclusions about a national parenting style is just simplistic and not worth of a newspaper article (even the telegraph).
I'm even suspiscious of researches like "the happiest children are spanish" or whatever.
I don't think you'd like me to make generalizations on British parenting style, wouldn't you? I actually don't because there is not "one".

Franca, Janine di Giovanni may be American by birth but she lived in the UK for many years, working for the Times, and has reported as a very well respected war correspondent from Bosnia, Palestine, Chechnya, Somalia, Rwanda... dozens of countries. So I think her experience is probably a great deal wider than any of ours. Doubt she makes judgements based on Ango-American stereotypes.

I agree with franca. The article has such an 'us looking at them' tone it just makes me want to hear an intelligent French response instead of hearing from the expats.

As for a stressed, annoyed mum charging off too fast for a toddler, that's not at all unheard of in this country.

You dislike so much about French life, anna, it can't be good for you living there.

I know who she is, I read an article she wrote about her wedding in an issue of Vogue. Ryszard Kapuscinski she ain't.

Franca - we all make generalisations, they are useful.

Like I said, my partner read the article and roared with laughter he found it's insights to true... and he's Parisian, has never lived anywhere else in his life and is a pure product of that type of upbringing

We were at his parents' for dinner last night and when we got home he ranted for an hour about how violent and abrasive they are towards their grandchildren... who they always want to see more of...

Having lived in the Uk for a few years now, I can def say that there is a slightly subtle dismissive and condescending way of viewing other countries, especially continental Europe.

And lots of other French people wouldn't find it true.

I actually don't like myself at all when I make generalizations. I find myself doing so, only when I'm sad and homesick. It's not fair.