UK vs USA was your life better in UK or USA

[Cupcakeicecream]

Just out of curiosity really. For those who have lived in either country which did you prefer and why. I'm trying to weigh up the pros and cons. Eventually want to be living in the USA. It's always been a dream. I want to give my child a better quality of life and I feel that USA is better suited. I feel that there are more opportunities. But of course health care costs and gun laws put me off slightly.

Uk hands down. The US requires a lot of driving and employers often think nothing of making you do a three or four hour commute. It’s very difficult to make friends if you aren’t working as houses are all spread out and often foreign newcomers (even british ones) aren’t included in neighbourhood activities. Incomes are higher, yes, but only if you have one of the handful of masters level qualified positions that break the 200k mark. Otherwise incomes are higher in the UK.

However there is one big exception. Life quality in central new york, I think, is better than central London; if you can afford it.

Also don’t underestimate healthcare costs. If you or your family have ever been diagnosed with anything previously it could count as a pre-existing condition. It’s not uncommon to pay 50k per year just on family insurance.

I think it completely depends on the location. We're now living in the US and absolutely love it. My husband has a 30 minute commute (we picked a location based on the commute and being in a good school district).

We live in a cul-de-sac so we have plenty of neighbours and the kids all play outside and build forts in the woods. We have been very much welcomed into the community, invited round to the neighbours' for Thanksgiving, etc.

Sport is very prominent in kids' lives here. Everybody is doing it and there are so many activities they can pick.

We are in New England.

Personally, my life is significantly better in the UK. I grew up in the US with family and friends all over and it's likely very region specific for both countries so a person can likely find a place there that they love just as much as they could find it in the UK. The only things I miss though as familiar forests I used to walk a lot in and certain comfort foods & sometimes it's annoying when certain products are US-only or online spaces are US-dominate; however, I would happily never see the US again whereas I would miss the UK very much.

I'm not sure how child well-being will be better in the US when it's significantly lower on most markers for areas related to that. Personally, having been the child stuck in a side room of an ER for hours alone because no one could get hold of my parents to get insurance information (I was stable but they wouldn't do further care without it) and the parent who had my child at camp taken to A&E and gotten all the care he could want before they called me, the idea of my kids being stuck in the situations I was in repeatedly as a kid terrifies me. To me, having lived in it so long when I was most vulnerable, it feels so risky in comparison even with all that is happening with the NHS now.

Just as in the UK you can have two schools in walking distance that are worlds apart, the same is true in the US so again it's a matter of checking your area carefully first when it comes to opportunities available as they can widely different within a few miles. I finished school in a city and some schools had vocational options or links to vocational centers or links to local universities to take courses there and some within the same area didn't. Personally, I hated how much of my school life, especially the high schools I went to, was dominated by sports teams; however, it is true on average that I've seen that US schools have more sports and activity options in comparison to the UK where most of those things are done outside of school which does have its own pros and cons and barriers.

Both countries have the issue where school requirements can change very quickly. When I finished high school literally the grade before me, my grade, and the grade after me had different requirements so sometimes you can check and things change. Overall, as I said, I think you can find somewhere in either that would be great for you and a family, but at the same time both have risks and barriers that can make things very unhappy.

I think it depends on what's important to you tbh and the lifestyle you wish to live.

We are fortunate that our salaries / jobs are very good in the US, which allows us to live in a 'nice' area, have decent health insurance and live a well insulated lifestyle with decent commuter links, access to schools etc.

I am very aware that we're in the privileged minority, and the prospect of this changing (due to redundancies etc) does scare me. I've found the cost of living very high in the US for metropolitan areas compared to the UK for housing, groceries, child care, utilities etc, and I can't imagine trying to do it on significantly lower wages.

We are much better off in the US because we live in a state with amazing access to world class help for our DC. We would have the money no matter if we were in the UK or US but getting a private speech or occupational therapist is so much easier here. Also, our DC are in a local school. In the UK we would only go private because the provision in state schools is pretty much non existent for high functioning autistic children.

Also, moving here childcare is much more affordable compared to the UK so nearly all families are dual income households.

Well for me I've found the qualify of life in the US much much better than in the UK, but it really depends on where you live.

Our life is much as dippywhentired describes. People are welcoming, it feels very safe, kids bike and walk everywhere and play outside together, kids do loads of sports or music, our state schools are excellent. We have short easy commutes. We don't worry about guns. Healthcare is expensive but excellent - we've never been denied care or had claims denied (and we have pretty crappy insurance). We ski in the winter and spend most of the summer at the beach or the lake.

I've lived in the northeast, northwest, midwest, even Appalachia, and I don't recognise the America that other Mumsnetters seem to have experienced. It's a big diverse place.

In our case, our jobs are in an industry that is almost 100% in London, so we have no option to move elsewhere in the UK. Whereas in the US, there are a number of cities - New York, Washington, LA, San Francisco, Chicago - where we could settle, even as a direct transfer from one of our current employers. So we have more flexibility in choose the type of city and lifestyle we would want in the US. Have both passports and family living in both places as well.

For us we have a far better quality of life in the US. We earn more money, pay less tax, housing is cheaper, we live in a good school district and our commutes into the city are still only 20 minutes door to door. I do drive but public transport is good so there’s no real need to. People are very friendly, especially towards small children. Health insurance is fine as our employers cover most costs and we’ve found the standard of healthcare excellent. The main ‘cons’ are the high costs of groceries, childcare and property taxes but for us the pros far out weigh them. There’s no doubt that living here without money would be a miserable existence though, and of course the US is such a big, diverse place.

An honest question for those with children in the US, don't you worry about gun laws and your children, particularly at school? I know knife crime in cities here is increasing but the absolute numbers are dramatically lower. We were debating a move to the US shortly before a recent school shooting and it was a big factor in not pursuing the idea. I appreciate the risk is small, but I couldn't find a way to rationalise any risk as it seems to be so randomised in where and when it happens.

UK for me. I found life in the US very expensive compared to here. Food (of the fresh type rather than prefab type) more expensive. Hated the driving culture.

Disliked the healthcare system (DH worked for the government and we didn’t have to pay even a penny) where it felt that everything was thrown at you no matter whether it might have been sorted with half the treatment or not.

I missed the culture of the UK, struggled with land being private, no
Public footpaths etc., etc.

We lived in some interesting places but I couldn’t wait to get home - have got a green card but I can’t imagine wanting to move back.

Didn’t have to deal with schooling there.

I think it completely depends on the location

Totally. Every country has some appalling places.

I think it is bigger than that for me. The cost of living and healthcare system would be more or less the same wherever you were. I lived in four states.

The ingrained prejudice too, I left London and Cambridge for DC in the first instance and was left open mouthed at the blatant racial prejudice.

xsahm no because the actual risks are so tiny and I judge things by actual risks.

BTW I just had family from the UK to stay and they were astonished that our middle and high schools don't have fences around them.

xsahm You have to understand America to understand the crime.

First of all there is very little knife crime. It's predominantly gun crime. Secondly the gun crime is concentrated in the lowest 20% income group. It's also male on male with African American men most affected. Having lived here and close to Newark NJ, my thought is that it's drug related and legalizing marijuana isn't going to help anyone. After seeing the damage caused by drugs in terms of gun violence I understand why so many African Americans voted for Trump. He has been the only candidate who has spoken about the outrageous crime rates in their communities. That recognition went a very long way.

Drugs are a major major problem here. The drug culture starts with doctors giving you a pill for everything and the goal of no pain. At college most kids are working their way through to pay for it so don't party much. Drinking rules are very strict with it being pretty much impossible for those under 21 to drink. These kids turn to drugs because it's easier to get than alcohol and sometimes cheaper too. Taking drugs has been so normalized now. A parent we know who is addicted to heroin had their problem described by another parent as an over reliance on heroin. Errrr no, any reliance on heroin is a problem. DH and I don't take drugs. People are shocked we don't have a joint or that DH manages to fly around the place and work the way he does without taking something. A lot of people have assumed DH takes adderall asking if we have any spare as they have run out. People in the middle income group tend not to touch drugs because they know the impact will wipe them out. The upper income group, which is where we are, is a nightmare for drugs and it's why we do our best to stay as much in the middle income group as possible.

As a parent my biggest fear isn't my DC getting pregnant or getting a girl pregnant. My biggest fear is them getting caught up with drugs.

UK for me.
I spent 3 years living in Ohio.
It was fine but every week someone would get shot and killed locally, quite often kids who had found their parents guns. It felt like the locals were so used to it that it didn't shock them any more.

Generally I found the US to be very insular - not a lot of interest in the world outside the US (caveat - this was back in the early 90s so before everyone had the internet and email)
There were people at work who had never been to a different US state, ever, let alone travelled outside the UK.

Food was cheap but not great quality - I couldn't eat a lot of the soft fruit (plums etc.) as it gave me an upset tummy (not sure if it was pesticides or wax on the fruit) so ended up having to buy organic to reduce the impact on my body.

And my lifestyle was much less active there so, combined with the food (we ate out a lot as it was so cheap, probably 5-6 days a week) I ended up putting on 3 stone in 3 years.....
I'd walk to the local park to go along the path through the woods for exercise - everyone else would drive there (the idea of driving half a mile to walk for 2 miles still seems ridiculous to me!)

There was lots of good stuff - I played golf back then and could get a tee time pretty much any time I wanted as there were loads of golf courses near where I lived.

But I've been back in the UK for over 20 years now and, while I still visit the US, I won't ever live there again.

How interesting Want2bSupermum and sad.

I recognise a lot of what Want2b says. I have been asked at work if I take adderall, cannabis oil (no, on both counts). And today a morning coffee discussion of what pills a coworker should get for an upcoming business trip to ensure maximum plane sleep and readiness to work on arrival.

Having lived in both places for many years, I can honestly say there's no one definitive answer to this that I can think of. If I was going to build my favourite country, it would include elements of both. British healthcare, American education etc.
One thing I strongly believe is that it's possible to carve out some of the things you like in one place by making certain choices in the other. For DW and I, walkability and community was a big concert when we moved to the US.
One thing I notice about some Brits who move to the US is that often they'll look for the biggest house they can afford - this being the sort of "American Dream" idea they've been sold on - and then find that they're out in some boring suburb and stuck driving everywhere. When DW and I moved to the US (first time for her, move back for me after many years in the UK), we purposely sought out a house that was smaller but more centrally located in a walkable neighbourhood. We have one car between us, DW cycles to work, we walk to the grocery store or cinema, DD goes to the park just down the road.
Is this lifestyle as common in the US as it is in the UK? No. But it, and other things like it, are still attainable if they're what you prioritise.

On violence, it's a tricky one. I donate to an anti-gun US political organisation, it's one of the issues I most care about politically, I'm vehemently anti-NRA. However gun violence here is not something I think about on a daily basis.
My experience of violence in the UK is that obviously it wasn't as deadly, but it was much more prevalent. In the five years since I've moved back to the US, I've never been physically threatened. The last time I was in the UK, over the summer, I was physically threatened twice in the space of a fortnight. (Would it shock anybody to learn that both times, it was by a very drunk person after an England World Cup match?)

Personally for us, hands down the USA is the best place out of the two. We have a quality of life in the USA which would be only a dream for us in the UK. I think education is better, Healthcare is very good and not as expensive as it is made out to be in the UK. All in my current pregnancy will cost us $1500.

Guns and gun crime is not really a concern as it tends to be geographically contained. We are gun owners and have been since we moved here.

Drugs do seem to be a issue locally but I am not sure if its more of an issue, ir just weather it is reported more locally due to better policing.

We moved here 5 years ago after 30 years in the UK and have absolutely no intention of moving back.

even though the divide between rich and poor is bad in the uk, it's far worse in the U.S. Dealing with healthcare insurance companies drove me round the bend, even though I could afford good healthcare. Most can't.

Cultural differences threw me a lot more than I thought. Reliance on cars too. Everything seems old fashioned eg lack of free internet banking (this was a few years ago but it was still all cheques and worrying money for a fee).

We are so much more joined up here in a lot of ways!

Healthcare here is amazing. DS had wierd eye movements that started Thursday/Friday and DH noticed on Saturday. He was seen by his GP (well paediatrician) yesterday at 4pm and I have him scheduled to see the paediatrician neurologist and the opthamologist tomorrow at 10:45am and 1pm. I've done the phone intake just now and they reviewed his notes emailed to them from the paediatrician. That would never happen in the NHS.

Everything seems old fashioned eg lack of free internet banking (this was a few years ago but it was still all cheques and worrying money for a fee).

Quite a few years ago - I've had free internet banking for years and I pay for almost everything online.

Lived in the UK for 36 years. All over, country, small towns, cities and London.

Moved to New England and would not even consider moving back to the UK.

School here is amazing. We haven't locked our door or taken our keys out of the ignition ever. Even when going away for weeks.

There hasn't been a violent crime where I live in over 8 years.

When I had health issues, neighbours I hadn't even met brought me food and care parcels.

I absolutely adore it here.