I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE HERE - How do I persuade DH to up sticks?

[VoluptuaGoodshag]

I don't even mean abroad but didn't know which other thread to put this under.

We live in a very desirable, leafy suburb in a Scottish city. Good schools, nice neighbourhood, nice house ........ but I don't want to live here. I feel claustraphobic and miserable. It was always intended as a stop gap but we've been here nearly 5 years now.

Both of us are keen to move up north as we both love it. DH has even lived there before. It would be wonderful for the children and I would be so much happier. I've wanted this for as long as I can remember.

It is not beyond the realms of possibility now. Kids are aged 2 and 3. DH has been in his current job nearly 6 years and is doing well but he knows he doesn't want to do it forever. This is the hard bit. He's a ditherer. Been looking at houses and options for last 3-4 years but nothing ever happens. He would be prepared to work from home but doesn't ask if it is an option (I personally think it would be as his work are screaming out for more professional staff and wouldn't want to lose him). He spends ages on the internet looking at houses, getting schedules, we even view some houses but nothing ever happens. It's like dangling a carrot in front of me then snatching it away.

I am now soooooo fecking frustrated. He didn't leave his last job until it became obvious there were no more prospects there. He's scared of change. He really wants this too but then doesn't want to be pressured into it. I don't want him to feel pressured either and end up doing it just to please me then hold a grudge. I am here to support him in any decision he makes but I'm getting pannicky that it will never happen and we'll be stuck here in the same old drudge. I'd rather do it sooner than later so we don't look back in years to come with regret. I'd be prepared to give it a go for six months and leave a route back if it didn't work out.

So for those of you who have done this sort of thing - how do you make the final decicion?

Sorry this is long but I'm feeling better for writing it down.

Anna8888 it looks a lovely school but not my cup of tea.

The school or the town?

There are lots of other schools around if you like the area (I think it's wonderful).

voluptua - are you serious about aviemore??? I know it fairly well and honestly can't see the atraction AT ALL. agree inverness is lovely . Coudl you compromise with your Dh? What about perth or surrounding towns? i thought you were thinking of moving to the country?

I spent all my weekends as a child in Perthshire. I used to be miserable coming home on a Sunday. All my working life I worked so I could escape to the countryside at the weekend. Like I said, I don't want to live in the middle of no-where and anywhere we choose would still have basic shops nearby. I don't like being round lots of people. I like smaller communities. I like open spaces. Every holiday we have now involves getting away from here to somewhere in the Highlands or Islands. Yes I know holidays are generally better than normal life in such places but I truly, truly know in myself that it what I want and Woodlouse, like you guessed, I have explained all this to my DH. He tries to put words in my mouth as to why I wouldn't like it but again it is just him putting obstacles in the way. He says he likes to browse the internet and discuss all the options. Where it perhaps is a nice release for him after a day at the office, it's just false hope for me.

Judging from this last post, VGS, it doesn't sound like your husband truly wants to move to such an area as you do.

But there can be a compromise!

Maybe do some research on some that will suit you best.

Remember, too, that areas can vary in flavour - from West Coast to East Coast, if the area has a lot of holiday home owners or people not from there, etc.

We liked Perthsire, but tbh the people weren't as warm as other areas.

having caravan holidays and idyllic weekends as achild somewhere gives you a very rosy tinted view

i seriously thin kyou should avoid Aviemore. the residents there have shite facilities and i must stress that. its so different living there as to going as a tourist

inverness is ok but ia gree with you when you say its grown up to quickly. youd get to listen to that beautiful accent ever day tho

Different strokes for different folks. Both DH and myself adore the lifestyle that Aviemore would allow us. Every year we spend at least a week there, usually more. It depends what you are looking for out of life. Whilst the area surrounding INverness is lovely and there are lovely parts of Inverness itself, I think the town (or city as it now is) has taken a down turn. It hasn't got such a nice 'feel' about it. The centre is a disgrace because of too many Tescos, the out of town centre and the Eastgate shopping centre but that story is the same all over the place.

The issue is that DH and I agree on several places whether other people like them or not, but I cannot get him to make the final move.

Exactly, naily! You put it so much better than I did.

What facilities are you looking for though?

I'm tellin' ya, 'Making no decision is still making a decision.'

You need to find out why he's not made a move, because if it's been this long, there's a reason for it beyond just dithering, most likely.

Maybe a compromise with DH? it does sound like he is lukewarm about going too far from his current job. Rather than expressing his opposition by projecting all the negativity on to why you supposedly wouldn't be happy moving, why isn't he being more explicit about what his feelings own worries and fears?

I know it is not the Highlands, but living somewhere like Dunlop or Stewarton has nice countryside, decent schools and wouldn't be far from where you are now. The M77 extension would mean a quick commute (I'm assuming your DH works in Glasgow). My parents are from the Spey Valley and I know it very well. I can't see the attraction of Aviemore, personally. Grantown?

Incidently DH is from Perthshire. He lived in Inverness for 6 years and his parents currently live in Inverness.

(Anybody who knows me will know who I am reading this now but WTF)

Anna8888 the school, I am sure the town is lovely but probably beyond my budget.

My idea of 'facilities' is a ben, tbh.

TSAP I'd be filling out applications for emigration if I were you two!

wtf does aviemore have to offer exactly?

sorry VGS - crossed posts with you. It sounds like Aviemore is for you and I am not being negative about it. It is in a gorgeous location with good transport links.

I think that if you and your DH REALLY were agreed and both so keen, it would have happened before now. I think he is just saying it to keep you quiet and he doesnt really want to go. Sorry, thats just my opinion

TSAP - that's a pity, I knew a couple who moved to Cranbrook and lived in the school accommodation (beautiful big house), bought a house of their own and rented it out to pay the mortgage - it was a very good financial arrangement which is rare in the state sector.

Are you anti grammar schools?

you say dh is from inverness/his parents live there

ever wondered why he isnt rushing back there? maybe because he knows what its really like

i love going to inversneckie for a weekend but id never live there

as i said befor ei went home to my little village where i grew up thinking it would be idyllic but its not
far from it

It it not so much anti grammar schools, especially this one as there are no tuition fees but more a case of I love the challenge of the school I teach in. Without souning arrogant there are not many teachers who could teach the kids I do so I don;t think it would be right to move to a grammar school where may more teachers would be willing and able to do the job.

Although an easier life is tempting

I was going to say the same as nail polish, I would want to find out why you dh does not want to move to an area he grew up in.

Voluptua, I'm not set up for CAT facility, will try to do it this pm when kids are in bed.