Fuckity bye then Singapore

[fbsg]

We are going home, woohoo!

I want to do a facebook post to tell everyone we’re on our way back, but whenever I start composing one, instead of the super gushy ones I’ve seen others do, ‘what a wonderful adventure, I’m going to miss our SG family sooooo much’ etc., I just want to say, ‘fuckity bye Singapore!’

And that would probably be a bit offensive to the people I have on FB from my time here, so I’m just going to have stick to saying it here instead...

I have been back in the UK for three whole days after 14 years in Asia.

My FB was full of gushing goodbyes from other leaving families. I couldn't wait to get on the plane, I was so done.

People keep saying how I will change my mind about being home by October half term but I am ludicrously happy to be home (even with all the problems the UK has, it is still home)
We are exchanging on our house tomorrow, I have lived in some amazing (rented) houses, but the joy of being in my own (small, maidless) house is overwhelming.

So Asia can fuckity bye from me too!

Welcome back @BookWitch ! Wow, 14 years is a looooong time. How long before you stop starting every sentence with "In Asia..." or "when we lived in Asia"? You are going to miss a lot. But you are going to have so much fun re-exploring too.

The title made me smile. We had a posting (not Singapore) where I felt exactly the same. On paper it sounds great and there were many positives but the whole place just didn’t gel with us. I counted the days until fuckity bye / I’m leaving on a jet plane!

Safe travels as you return home. Have a fabulous summer readjusting and look forward to the changing seasons.

BookWitch congratulations on your new home. You should be awarded a long service medal for your time in Asia.

I live in Singapore 3 times for a total of 9 years, left 5 years ago and miss it every day. Never had a helper, dd2 was born there, I worked for local companies and then set up my own company doing a job I adored with wonderful local and expat people. It might not be for everyone but I do feel that a fixed term contract is not conducive to getting "stuck in". Did you get to see some of Asia while you were there? All the best for your repatriation.

look forward to the changing seasons

I can’t wait for Autumn! I showed a local friend two photos of my in-laws’ garden, one covered in snow, and then one in late spring when all the flowers were out. She asked, ‘so, all the plants come back to life??’ Yes! It’s called spring! Seasons!

Did you get to see some of Asia while you were there?

We weren’t as adventurous as we might have been, stuck to resorts for easier holidays, but also made it to Japan, which I’ve always wanted to do. Loved Tokyo and Kyoto. Also got to Australia which we wouldn’t have ever done from the UK. We were planning a trip to Beijing for later this year until our plans changed. It’s a shame that won’t happen as the dcs have done incredibly well with learning Chinese in the time we’ve been here, but perhaps if they keep it up at home we can do it when they’re a bit older.

We visited Singapore regularly as an expat in a country close by, for some kind of normality. But I always think of it as a nice place to visit but not to live, and can understand your feelings.

Where I am now in a very difficult limiting place (and at the moment) Im pretty down, cannot get items in the shops (food) empty shelves, stock not being replenished having to buy items just in case you dont see them for weeks. Electricity cuts, intermittent internet (an essential for me), now people are being admitted to hospital with Cholera because of water contamination and I have yet another bout of Dysentery type of bug. And I get too much unwanted attention from men of all ages, this really does piss me of.......

On the subject of maids, I have previously had them as they came with the accommodation we took over, but I was never comfortable with having one, so now I dont. I see the cleaning as exercise, as I cannot go anywhere else for exercise, no clubs, gyms etc that are safe and are easy to get to. Gives me something to do, as there is bugger all else I can do.

Only a handful of ex-pats here, but its a very different set up, I am a people person and have tried, but it was to much bother for the effort. And now I will not eat outside food because of the hygiene, so limiting my outings further.

Sorry for my little moan, to the OP you enjoy your time back in the UK.

I loved my maid! My maid had a maid, it’s just the culture. My chauffeur liked the same music as me so we hit it off from the start also.

Was it the living in you didn’t like? (Maid lived in, chauffeur didn’t.)

bookwitch Can I ask you- did you like it initially but then went off it and decided to leave or did you always dislike it? If the former, was it a sudden ‘switch flick’ or a gradual realisation you wanted to leave? In my 10th year now and wondering if I’m tiring of it. It’s hard to know though as when we’re in the Uk each year we have a great time but it’s not like ‘real life’ where I’d have all the stresses of work/commute/childcare and a 7 month winter! Here at least I have a 10 minute commute, no need for a sweater and no childcare problems.

@Johnnycomelately1
Yes, I did like it for along time. I was heavily involved in the expat community and had a local part time job I enjoyed.
I think the "switch flick" was couple of things, DD1 left in 2013 for uni in the UK, followed by DD2 in 2016, leaving us with just DD3.
My dad died in 2017, leaving mum living alone, and I think the sudden pull of family outweighed the lifestyle I enjoyed in Asia.
I was becoming desperate to have my own home (the rented houses we lived in were stunning, but they weren't mine). We could have bought in Asia, but by then it no longer felt like home.

Thanks @Bookwitch. Always interesting to get other perspectives. The two main trigger points (other than the obvious things like new jobs or redundancy) seem to be secondary school transfers and kids leaving home. I suspect we will sit it out here until oldest due to start secondary.

The difference between an immigrant and an expat is very clear. An expat is someone who is place by HQ in an overseas location to manage the interests of the business in that location. They are still employed by HQ and paid a premium for moving. An immigrant is someone on a local contract in a foreign country where employment was gained through the employees own initiative and their move was arranged and paid for by themselves.

I came to America as an expat and when I left my employer I became an immigrant. DH is an expat as he still works for his employer and is employed by HQ, stationed abroad.

As for the £100k difference comment… its not about the money.

BrexitBitch Have you lived abroad? It's much tougher than you think as a trailing spouse. I work, am thankful I can work and afford the necessary childcare. I'd be the worst trailing spouse and I'd be on FB telling everyone to do one after 2 years in Singapore. The place is as dull as dishwasher and everyone is so bloody good 2-shoes. Good friend from school is from Singapore and says the same. Told me she needs to send her DC abroad so they can be normal teenagers.

I can't wait to say fuckity bye to my current country of residence! There are many things about it I don't like and can't change. Good luck with the move, OP.

As for the maid conversation, when I lived in Ghana, I was told by my wealthy Ghanaian friend that she was disgusted when rich expats didn't employ a maid. She said she thought it was selfish. She said 'you have all that money, but you just spend it on yourself and don't give anyone a job?' To her it was socially unacceptable for anyone with money, local or expat, to not employ household help. Changed my perspective.

Pink I have had that in a kind of way, but from a friend in the UK! How dare she

But I spend enough locally in the shops etc. and given only 3% of the country I live in pay tax, a lot of tax, and we are one of them I dont feel guilty.

Do you have much longer to go?

I'm not sure not hiring a maid/housekeeper/nanny is selfish but certainly the domestic staff I've hired over the years have benefited tremendously by having the jobs.
A lady escaping a violent husband, a single mum and a couple supporting two sets elderly parents as well as numerous other family members.
My children have learnt about other cultures through them and I will always be in their debt for their help with everything.
As a trailing spouse, I would not have been able to progress my own career without live in help and would have probably been so bored and bitter.
Its true some times maids don't get the best accomodation but I've made ours at least as nice as a guest room and it has an ensuite.
When did a short stint as a nanny in London I slept in staff come utility room with the washer/dryer and various toys and bicycles.
We have been in Asia,Middle East and Africa and it may have been the people we chose as friends but in our expat communities help wasn't taken for granted.

I found my time in Singapore quite hard going too- was also bored and lonely but eventually made friends and a life even though I kind off didn't realise it at the time. Been back in the UK a year now and officially miss my life in Singapore. There's pros and cons to everything but good luck with your return

habibihabibi Agree with you. I notice there's a class of expats - usually British - who think there's some virtue in not having a maid and judge anyone else who has one. I think if you treat your domestic worker well, pay a good salary (above the very low minimum), etc. you can make a huge difference to their lives and their family.

I completely respect people who don't hire one for whatever reason but same as you, I am a trailing spouse and ended up getting a job, without my domestic worker I would not have been able to work as nursery is not a concept in the country I'm in.

Todam we have at least 2 more years! It's not all bad, I was just grumpy when I posted earlier. But there are things I hate and will be very glad to wash my hands of when we leave!
It's too hot here today too! It's always too hot, lol.

e, I dont think its anything to do with one 'class' of expats (whatever does that even mean?), some people dont like the idea of having a stranger in their house, and feel uncomfortable having someone in their space.

I am certainly not being virtuous by not having one, I choose not to and thats my prerogative to do so, and certainly do not care if others have them or not.

Does make me laugh when I hear, 'oh my maid is great, shes does this that and the other' then shortly after complain about said maid not doing things properly. Mostly from 2 nationality's, but I would not say which ones......

I have had a few maids in the past in other countries I have lived (never a live in), and sometimes the drama with a couple became too much. And I can not be bothered with the whole palaver of getting a maid to do things the way I want them done, easier just to do it myself.

Pink we all get grumpy days, Im having a few, more than I should here myself. Made all the worse by the current monsoon......humidity is a killer! And being stuck not able to get out.

@Todamhottoday no I'm not talking about people who say they aren't comfortable with someone in their house. I'm talking about people who say "Back home we'd have to do it all ourselves, ridiculous to move here and all of a sudden have house help. Just get on with it. My other back in [insert old country here] had 6 kids no help from anyone and we're all fine" type.

When I replied to one woman who gave such a rant that I have a job and hence need a maid for childcare, she said "Isn't it your responsibility as a mother to stay home for your children until they are school aged? Rather than let a stranger raise them?" Surprise this is not someone I socialise with any longer.

Ok e, get what your saying...

But Im being a grumpy knickers again today!

But it was awful watching expats go from saying they'd never have one, to then having a cleaner, to then having a live in helper because "that's just what you do here"!

What's "awful" about it? It is what's done and you're providing a local with employment and paying via them into the local economy. Honestly I don't get this kind of judgment. Don't do it if it's not for you but people aren't "awful" because they do. I remember reading a really good explanation of why you need to employ people within your household if can afford to do so and how it impacts on the local economy. Sadly it was years ago so can't link.

I don’t really want to get into the helper debate, but one thing it is not doing is giving a local a job and putting money into the local economy. Singaporeans are not legally allowed to work as live in helpers. You are only allowed to employ foreign workers as live in help. And most of the time their money is being sent home (which also has its virtues, but it’s not ‘local’).

So they don't spend a penny locally then? Of course they do and even better if it's being sent home to support children or family living there.