Fuckity bye then Singapore

[fbsg]

We are going home, woohoo!

I want to do a facebook post to tell everyone we’re on our way back, but whenever I start composing one, instead of the super gushy ones I’ve seen others do, ‘what a wonderful adventure, I’m going to miss our SG family sooooo much’ etc., I just want to say, ‘fuckity bye Singapore!’

And that would probably be a bit offensive to the people I have on FB from my time here, so I’m just going to have stick to saying it here instead...

Has the OP of this thread been posting on the other thread calling the person who complained about living in the UK ungrateful and rude? If not, then why is it her fault that some people have been?

I imagine plenty of people from Singapore would read her post and think 'well, fuck off home then'. And she is! I don't see what's inherently awful about saying that you didn't enjoy another country. I know a lot of people from outside the UK who work here now, and very few of them would say the UK is perfect, a sizeable minority of them actively dislike it but put up with it for the job. As a British person, I think that's pretty reasonable.

Crazy8

Difference between an ‘economic migrant’ and an ‘expat’? I’d say about £100,000 a year or more.

Hi fbsg.
Yes not had any return trip in four years :(
I lived in Canada for two and a half years. Met and married an aussie guy there. Then came straight to Australia from canada.
I have really struggled with depression and anxiety since being here. I think mostly cos of isolation and loneliness.
I had my first child in January this year and unfortunately also got severe PND...
So i finally grew some balls and told my husband i wanted to go home once and for all.
Its been a hard agonizing decision though and understandably my in-laws are very upset.

Tbh I think some posters are reading more into op's post than was really there. I could only see that she didn't enjoy her time in Singapore and is relieved and happy to be leaving. She didn't want to say so on FB so vented here.

Lots of people do this on all manner of subjects. Since op isn't being offensive about actual people (and has extended credit where it is due, like the bakery for example) then I don't see why she can't have a little moan about it, and express relief to be coming back.

You have unwittingly tarred all of Singapore with a brush

I don’t think she did. All her comments are now she didn’t do well with X, Y or Z. She’s not put the blame on others and called them all work-shy racists.

I live abroad. We love it and are here long term. Some people don't settle and want to go back to the UK. It's the way the world goes.

Write what you want. It matters not to anyone else.

I clicked on it to see what is so wrong with Singapore. Then it turns out you have a beef with things which are understandable but very common to the expat lifestyle in almost every country. And it is a different culture - no shit. The politics is different*

Then read more than the damn title its not the ops fault she wrote a short title ti draw people in and then wrote a much more detailed totally differently toned to the other thread OP. You say it yourself you very quickly realised she didnt hate singapore just the experience being an ex pat (in any country) has given her. She hasnt unwittingly tarred singapore because shes explained her feelings.

The other thread was completely blaming britian for the posters exoerince and carried on blaming britian

I understand the OP. It's clear to me. Things don't flow some times and we have all had that feeling when we are happy to leave a geographical location for the next stage in life.

"I'm leaving the Square!" Gets into a black Cab and looks sadly at the Queen Vic pub...
John Wayne riding into the sunset away from the towna nd the people he's just saved.

There's a place that keeps on calling me....down the road... that's where I've got to be....

Well I'm about to say fuckity bye to the UK after 10 years I am ready to go home.

Slaughter away

The weather’s on your side if you’re back soon. I actually loved Singapore but I was expatting elsewhere and flew in a few times a year so it was always had a bit of a holiday vibe for me.

Welcome home 👍

Homesickness is awful. I hated the place abroad when I lived there. Been on hols there many times since and loved it.

Good luck OP.

All the soft noodly food in these countries puts me off

Do you know what, I feel much the same about living in a rural area in the U.K. as OP does about living in Singapore. I find that I am not on the same wave length as the majority of people here (don't like gardening and golf and pubs) and while I love the countryside and have found a few hobbies, I miss the real me and my real hobbies. And DH works full time so has all his same old social life and friends, while DC have a lovely school and wonderful friends. It's just I don't really have a life. So OP is not being racist or anti her host country or anything. She's just saying, she'll be glad to kiss goodbye to that phase of her life. And added to that, she has all the double speak of 'oh, it's a marvellous adventure and we were lucky to get that opportunity'. Etc etc. So, I completely get it. And enjoy coming home. (Bet there's something you find you miss!!)

Apparently going to be 26 degrees the day we arrive back frasier. It is in fact that exact temperature right now, weirdly cool because it’s been very overcast and rainy recently. It feels very strange to be sitting outside and not sweating.

@BrexitWife What has this got to do with immigrants leaving this country? OP didn't mention that, nobody on this thread has mentioned that.

Everyone is free to say fuckity bye to any country they want!

*they can have the fuckity bye attitude not that everyone is free to leave countries they don't like

AH, my stepmum hated the trailing spouse expat life with my Dad. She was also bored and lonely and homesick. Not Singapore, but nearby - she hated the heat, the lifestyle and missed her family and her church, and my Dad worked long, long hours.

I totally understand how you feel. Sometimes places are great as a tourist, but the expat lifestyle isn't for everyone.

I agree that there are some posters reading an awful lot into OP's posts. She's simply saying she didn't feel happy in Singapore, but feels she can't say that publicly to people who know her in RL, so she's venting here. That's fine.

I don't think this thread is intended to be xenophobic. My friends who didn't get on with Singapore aren't British, btw. They've made their home in Britain for professional reasons, but are about as diverse a couple as you could imagine.

I also remember an interesting comment a couple of American friends of mine made about living in the UK when they were due to go back to the US after about 4 years here. They said they went through stages. There was an initial excitement phase - "OMG, red London buses, red post boxes, cream teas, queues, politeness, everything about this country is just so goddam cute." Then there was the miserable homesick phase - "OMG, everything about this country sucks, you can't get decent coffee, it rains and rains and rains, the houses are so small, the streets are dirty..." Then finally, after about 18 months, they reached some sort of equilibrium, where they could see the good and bad points of both countries and quite enjoy themselves.

There is b thing wrong with your thread title or comments OP.

I was an expat for years and years and I think while some countries are easier than others it's all mostly down to luck as to how happy you will be.

I find that it makes a massive difference who you happen to meet when you get there. I've had placements where I've been pals only with locals and placements where I've 100% lived in the expat bubble. Both were great because both groups happened to be lovely.

I love Singapore and have been there (for a week at a time) about 20 times as I represent a big organisation there in Europe.

I enjoy the lifestyle, the people and their food (although possibly not the fish head curry!). I find driving around the country very easy and their standard of service in every business is excellent.

I particularly love horse racing at Kranji - excellent night out.

However I don't think I could live there because of the weather. The humidity does for me every time. Also I am astonished by the hot-housing of the school children. I'm thankful DD doesn't have to go through that.

Oh but the food! I would love to do a stint in Singapore if only for the eating possibilities!

I do understand how lonely it can be when you’re in the wrong place OP. I hope you slot back in easily once at home.

Can you clarify what you hate about the maid culture? Is it that it exists at all or in how your acquaintances treat them? I have a friend who lived in Singapore and she regards her helper as a member of the family. She even calls her her son's second mum and they keep in touch and visit her whenever possible.

I'm an expat trailing spouse in Asia and I don't blame you. I told DH if he accepts a transfer to Singapore I'm going back home. They call it SingaBORE for a reason.

I think it can work very well for some people Shampoo, and I’m glad your friend has that kind of relationship with her former helper. And it is absolutely a necessity for families where both parents work, as it is just not set up for childcare out here in the same way.

If I’m honest, my main motivator was privacy. I didn’t want to share my home with another adult.

But otherwise, I didn’t like the living conditions most of the women were expected to have. Many of the apartments we looked at before we chose our home had ‘bomb shelters’ that just seem to be an excuse to build a windowless room approximately 6’ by 4’ for a helper to live in.

I didn’t want my children to get used to having someone picking up after them everywhere they went. One of my dc’s friends came to play and their helper arrived while we were still eating. She stood at the child’s shoulder, having refused to sit at the table with us, and when the child decided they had had enough of the garlic bread she was eating, instead of leaving it on her plate (or taking her plate into the kitchen like my dc had) she wordlessly handed the remnants to the helper, for her to dispose of. I was horrified.

Foreign domestic workers have very few employment rights, and are very vulnerable to exploitation and abuse by heir employers.

Many of the apartments we looked at before we chose our home had ‘bomb shelters’ that just seem to be an excuse to build a windowless room approximately 6’ by 4’ for a helper to live in.

A friend of mine who lived in Singapore, who was given an apartment found by her work, thought her new home had a puzzlingly large storage closet for its size. It turned out that this cupboard was a 'maid's room'.

We also stayed for two years but left last year. I had a similar experience. I found that the British expat community's standard pattern is work hard (poss at self maintenance rather than career), play/drink hard and outsource all the childcare. The American and Italian and Czech communities (that I met through condo neighbours) seemed SO much more inclusive.
I think the high churn has something to do with it.
We left because it felt like a slightly suspended reality and I didn't want the kids becoming used to an artificial level of luxury.
But I LOVED our school (Tanglin).
I miss Tanglin, Din Tai Fung and some fab friends but not much else apart from big city buzz/multi cultural environment (now in the countryside).
And even in my daily gym class the instructor would joke about smelly Ang Mo or shop assistants would say how no one likes ang mo ("but you're okay) or the local web pages which talk about incomers (not just the poorly paid ones) as cockroaches taking over the country. People were always lovely tbf but living in a different culture can be tiring.
I am really glad that we lived there but also very glad to be back in the U.K. now.
And ALL (well lots of) my U.K. based friends from my previous London life are heading home or to other countries- NZ, USA, HK, Poland, Bulgaria, France, Hungary- using Brexit chaos as a prompt.
I think it is a rare and special person who can happily settle in another country. And I say this as the daughter of a migrant with a mother in law who was raised in colonial Africa. We'll definitely live abroad again (once kids have flown the nest) but imagine we will always return to the U.K..

Oh that's awful, especially the windowless room. Nothing like my friend's set up at all.
Although that attitude of "someone will do my dirty work" also exists amongst some rich families at home. I once taught a child who would sit down with the other children when it was time to put their shoes on. He would then point at another child with the expectation that they would do his shoes. He had never had to do such a basic task himself.