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Original poster

Possible move to the US - with teens / preteens. Would you?

79 replies

TheExtraGuineaPig · 01/12/2017 09:21

DH has been asked to think about whether he would consider a move to the US (California - silicon valley) in the next few years. Our kids are 10 and 7 now so they would be about 13 and 10 when a possible move would take place. What do you think? We have lived overseas before when they were very small but I had mentally committed to them staying in school in the UK from now on. I am worried about the effects for them socially of course but really have no idea how bad/ even possible it would be for them to move with regards their education and exams.

Any advice or experience gratefully received!

OP posts:
shoeaddict83 · 08/12/2017 08:46

And actually with the high level of Algebra they teach in US schools i was streets ahead of my UK counterparts when i got back. The only other slight thing was history as its mainly American history not world history they teach so i just chose Geography at GCSE instead of History.

ask me anything about the founding fathers or Louisiana Purchase though... Grin

OrangeJulius · 08/12/2017 09:01

*sorry OP, my post way back should say my sisters started high school in December at 13, new with everyone else. They briefly entered middle school when we first moved.

I think starting new with everyone else makes such a difference, you aren't so much on the back foot anymore.

Abbylee · 08/12/2017 12:05

Silicon valley is VERY expensive. The housing market is not family friendly. California is a difficult place to live. Schools in California are often not for everyone so private tuition maybe added (you go to school in your neighborhood). I would look at zillow.com or trulio.com for homes and then school rating websites for schools listed in the House listing that you can afford. Also, not much public transportation so consider job vs commute.

  1. Decide where you want to live (commute, school, affordable)
2.Look at school listed in chosen homes We looked at best schools and commute to choose neighborhood.

Best wishes and fyi, no I would not. Moving is difficult with children and silicon valley's not got a reputation as a family friendly place. If a recruiter is suggesting the job, be extra careful bc they lie.

Abbylee · 08/12/2017 12:22

Only in RC schools would Greek or Latin be taught as a matter of course. It's mostly sp., fr and German. Financial aid is based on income. Many people make too much to qualify and not enough to pay for college. Best wishes

CMOTDibbler · 08/12/2017 12:30

Our corporate HQ is in Silicon Valley, and a close colleague actually lives in the Valley - her family have lived in the area for years and she made good property moves.
I wouldn't move there though. Most people have loooonnnggg commutes as the house prices are insane and the traffic is awful. I was really shocked when my colleague told me about the rates of teen suicide there - 5 times national average.

BritInUS1 · 08/12/2017 14:04

I live in Silicon Valley and everything is hugely expensive. Please feel free to PM me if you want to ask anything x

hendricksyousay · 08/12/2017 16:32

No .. my husband works for a come any in Silicon Valley , I don't want to go with dd who has started her gcse 's .. bear in my house prices in Santa Clara are extortionate !!

BeALert · 08/12/2017 16:44

In a typical sequence for a student aiming to go to a selective university, you would do four years of science (one year each of biology, chemistry, physics and then an extra year at AP level of science/computer science)...

Indeed. And if you are at a US high school where they do physics in Junior or Senior year, but you move to a UK high school at the end of your Sophomore year, then you have little to no physics background, which would make it difficult to take physics A level.

I'm not saying they study less in US high school. I'm saying that depending on when you move from the US to the UK system, you may not have the required background in some subjects.

The challenges come when the years in which subjects are taught do not line up between school systems.

I'm sure it's not impossible to overcome, but I'd be unwilling to do it with high schoolers.

pallisers · 08/12/2017 18:03

Can't say I'd want to do it either with high-schoolers - unless it was the start of high school and the intention of going all 4 years. The systems are so different.

QueenOfAllISurvey · 08/12/2017 18:06

I could move to the US for work but I cannot bring myself to take my kids to a country where gun deaths are so prevalent. The US has many positive - I love the culture of joining in being cool - but this outshines it all for me.

juneau · 08/12/2017 18:13

We lived in the US for six years to tbh I probably wouldn't move back in the middle of our DC's schooling. Living in the US can be lovely and great fun and I think living in California would be great experience in many way. However, international moves are really hard and very unsettling and if it's only for a few years you've got to factor in that you'll all be coming back at some point and how will that work? If you stay in the US for your DC's university then you'd better get saving (we're actually dual citizens and started up college savings accounts for both our DC at birth, just in case they want to go to uni in the US - yes the cost is that astronomical). The ageing parents and your career things are big too and not to be brushed under the rug. If you've got three years to think about them then really, really think about them. My grandma died after a 2-month illness while I was in the US. It was awful. I flew back to spend time with her in hospital and then she died a week after I returned to the US. I missed her funeral. And that was my grandma, not one of my parents. DH's dad died earlier this year after a long illness, but he died quite suddenly. DH missed seeing his dad at the end, then we had to rush over there for the funeral with only 2 days notice. It's a fucking nightmare, it really is. Don't commit to this lightly, is all I can say.

pallisers · 08/12/2017 18:23

Not diminishing the appalling gun violence in the US but I have been here 25 years, have 3 children and not one of us has ever seen a gun other than in a policeman's holster and have never been the victim of any kind of crime, still less gun crime. I wouldn't move to Texas for example, for many reasons of which the death penalty is one and gun laws another but someplace like Massachusetts is radically different.

BeALert · 08/12/2017 18:25

I could move to the US for work but I cannot bring myself to take my kids to a country where gun deaths are so prevalent

I don't like that gun deaths are so prevalant, but it's not something I worry about. It's still statistically a tiny risk. I worry far more about the frankly appalling driving I see every day.

Kursk · 08/12/2017 19:27

I could move to the US for work but I cannot bring myself to take my kids to a country where gun deaths are so prevalent

  1. Gun laws vary state by state.
  2. It’s a tiny risk. I find the US to be much safer than the UK
  3. Knife crime and Acid attacks in the UK probably equal to the gun crime so no difference really
Rainbowandraindrops67 · 08/12/2017 19:32

Gun risk is not tiny - death from guns is about the same as death from traffic accidents across the us as a whole

mathanxiety · 08/12/2017 19:33

It's definitely not just the RC high schools that teach classical languages where I am. Actually, the local girls' RC HS does not offer Latin, but two of the coeds do.

My DCs' school offers French, Spanish, Italian, German, Japanese and Mandarin as well as Latin. They dropped Greek two years before DD1 started, but they will be adding Russian within the next five years.

They also teach a compulsory world history course.

QueenCity · 08/12/2017 20:12

We’ve just moved to the US with a seven year old and a twelve year old. I visited the elementary school to register DS today and was a little perturbed to find that you can walk straight into the school and through to a classroom. That did make me feel that they were vulnerable if a lunatic with a gun walked in.

However I also feel that the crime rate here is a generally lower. There is a Christmas Tree stand here which is unmanned at night and is set up with a table and chairs that are left out. Everything is still there each morning. There are beautiful decorations on people’s houses, mailboxes and porches as well as in the street. They are untouched here.

Bluebell1981 · 08/12/2017 20:17

No, I wouldn't, but largely for cultural reasons (I'm Irish, love my imperfect country but loathe lots about the US).

Quality of life there generally not as good, less work-life balance, policies that are very anti-family, gun culture (which is a LOT worse than knife crime in UK to whoever made that ridiculous analogy).... my list is long! My OH's family are there and he works in the tech sector and could easily get work there too but it's honestly amongst the bottom of our list of places we'd relocate to.

I don't know much about the education system unfortunately - I'd already have made my mind up before that even became a consideration Grin!!

juneau · 08/12/2017 21:37

less work-life balance, policies that are very anti-family

Yes, totally agree with this. Two weeks holiday a year, anyone? Eight weeks maternity leave (12, if you're lucky - that's what I got).

RestingGrinchFace · 08/12/2017 21:41

Quite frankly, unless you are educating them privately/live in an area with really exceptional state schools, you are better off educating them in the US. British education is terribly exam focused yet somehow incredibly dumbed down at the same time. Many schools in that part of America are more forward thinking (according to the people I know at least).

BeALert · 08/12/2017 21:45

Gun risk is not tiny - death from guns is about the same as death from traffic accidents across the us as a whole

2/3 of gun deaths are suicides.

So statistically speaking I have 1/3 the risk of dying by gun (lower actually, as we don't have guns at home) as I do of dying in a traffic accident.

Rainbowandraindrops67 · 08/12/2017 21:48

BeAlert - that’s still much higher than anyone in the uk

Chocolate254 · 08/12/2017 21:55

I would only move somewhere as far away as that if I planned to live the rest of my life in that country, Purely because if you decide to move back once the kids are older they might want to stay and choose to do so.
I also think to make a massive life change like that you have to really want it. Its alot of fuss if you decide it isnt for you 6months down the line, Particularly for your dc.
I moved away with my dc, The kids are really happy with my decision as they love the place more than where we used to live, There is alot more for them to do and its alot nicer. If you can show your kids what you think they will get out of it, Is it better?do they have plenty going on there for the kids? It may help mkre with your decision to get their views. Good luck op

BeALert · 08/12/2017 22:00

BeAlert - that’s still much higher than anyone in the uk

Indeed. But it's not a problem that I feel the need to worry about.

misssmilla1 · 08/12/2017 22:53

kursk how can you say that about the volume of acid attacks and knife crime in the UK being comparable to gun crime in the US?

Just tally up the mass shootings in the US from 2017, and its much more. Not to mention the incidents where no-one died and it was an accident

As a headliner

  • Total number of gun related incidents in the US in 2017 is 57, 500
  • Total number of gun related deaths in the US in 2017 is 14, 493

Of this:

  • Total number of kids aged 0-11 killed or injured in the US in 2017 - 689
  • Total number of kids aged 12-17 killed or injured in the US in 2017 3043
  • Unintentional shooting (often involving kids finding loaded weapons with the safety off) 1894

Gun safety (or lack of) and shootings is something I really worry about especially given that insurance for mental health coverage is severely lacking and is getting worse (often a precursor for random attacks) Its not limited to the US but the frankly piss poor (and getting worse) laws and differences between states throw up so many opportunities for people to get guns who shouldn't have access, imo

I know everyone has their own take on it and risk assessment as a result bt I don't think its comparable.