Making friends suggestions

[over40andpregnant]

Ok so been living in Sydney for over a year and haven’t really made any friends

I work full time so don’t do the school run for my 8 year old. I speak to some of the other mums at parties etc but not made friends with any especially as they either work too or are stay at home mums and therefore meet in the day

Just had another baby 2 week old but due to visa requirements I go back to work after 2 months and at over 40 feel the oldest new Mum ever anyway so won’t be going to mums groups

At work I am ‘the big boss’ therefore it’s hard to make friends when everyone reports to me ...

Can I have some suggestions please I really miss family and friends but live life in oz but really would live a couple of girlfriends here

Gosh that sounds hard OP! The going back to work when baby is 2 months is a big thing and you shouldn't understimate the stress that will cause you.

Are you physically well after the birth? Do you like your job?

As for being the "big boss" I know what you mean but you could start making some changes there and perhaps organise an evening out when you go back...start as you mean to go on...just ask everyone if they'd like to go out after work as you feel you need a chance to catch up out of work having been away.

You could try to make it a regular thing?

If that's really not something you'd enjoy, have you looked for meetups on Pomsin Sydney?

Hi

Thanks for the reply
I feel ok ish going back and my dh is at home so feel relaxed about that and don’t have to arrange child care
He is a huge support for my career

I don’t mind doing drinks after work and I will do this for team bonding etc but mostly my team are a decade younger than me and single etc so whilst I have a lovely team and enjoying y a drink with them I don’t think they will translate into the friends I miss.

Someone to moan about work too or about the kids etc

Maybe I will try and make more of an effort at the child parties etc
It’s hard I think going from a casual 15 min chat to try and make some real friends

Sometimes 30 year olds are quite mature. I'm 45 and one of my best friends here in Australia is a 35 year old man....I've been mates with him since he was mid twenties and I was mid thirties.

With regards to your 8 year old, could you arrange a sunday park meet up for the kids? We have one of those towards the end of the school hols...it's framed as a "Kids haven't seen one another for weeks so might be nice to all touch base and bring a picnic"

That has some value so people do come along and it would give you a chance to maybe get some more numbers...if it goes well, you can do another.

Thanks for your reply and suggestion

Def agree re age I had friends back home of all ages

I think I am also trying to keep work and people who report to me as a bit seperate otherwise I find it hard to manage friends especially as we are going through quite a few work changes and I guess I need to lead rather than worry about if people like me

So I thinks school mums is going to be my best bet

Thanks

Yes and don't underestimate things...you've only been in Oz for a short time and the whole baby thing takes it out of you.x

Does your 8yo do weekend sport? Maybe try to steer them into something where the parents stick around to watch, like Nippers or AusKick or netball.

Or could you engineer a flexible working arrangement and take one morning off per week to attend a local playgroup once the baby is a bit older.

Or networking events for your profession? Some of the more casual wine and chat nights would be a way to find people with similar interests who aren't your direct reports.

I was new to Sydney once upon a time. Kids have definitely helped me find mates, although they are mostly transplants too. So many Sydneysiders are born and bred locals who only socialise with their own families and old school friends at weekends. So those of us who are outsiders tend to stick like glue and become new family. Keep at it.

I went back to work after 8 weeks with my son. It really wasn't bad at all.

You need to look for friends through your DCs activities as well as your own. Since your DH is home he should also be looking to cultivate friendships with other couples

I think you're right re. not looking for friends through work. If you're managing these people you need to keep a distance. What about peers? Are there any women's professional networking organisations you can engage with? I'm friends with a few people who do my role in other organisations. I met them through networking/ cross industry events?

Send the 8yo to nippers, if you’re near the beach, otherwise look out for Facebook groups, there are lots of them which are covering different parts of Sydney.

What social stuff do you do? Sports club, singing, craft group, languages? Anything like that which you can join to meet new people? Does your 8yr old do clubs where you could meet other parents?
The uk has a lot of buggy fit classes where you exercise with other parents and the baby, is there anything like that?

Supermum is right actually. If DH is home, then presumably he's doing school pick ups. Is he arranging playdates and things?

Meant to add...one of the best Mum friends I made in England was a very busy woman who worked in London half the week and then from home for the latter half. Her DH was a sahd and I got to know him first through playdates and then her through him...he'd arrange weekend playdates.

Little Athletics is a good way to meet people as it’s very social and the patents are expected to pitch in rather than stand around. Much easier to get chatting when you are picking up one end of a high jump pole with someone.

I did the making friends task in the way Americans date. Talk with as many people as possible and try to see them again if you feel you might get on.

“oh yes, Ikea you say. I need to go there myself for a shelf. Would you like to go together on Thursday night?” Similarly move on if you don’t click.

It is really hard and you aren’t going to replace those relationships that you’ve had before as you don’t have a shared history or culture but I made some amazing friends there. We’ve had two families come to visit us in the uk since we got back.

When I clicked on this, I knew it was going to be about Australia. Australians are friendly but hard to get to be friends with.

I got here at 50, with primary age child and in full-time work within six months. I'm not a total freak, but after 11 years, I've had one personal invitation to a non-work event. It took the death of my DH to get anything rolling. Even then. Just the one.

Not to piss on your chips, but you have to make such an effort, especially if the group is slightly younger. My stalwarts outside work are all Poms, as it happens.

Second what's been said that your children are your entree to Aussie life; the Nippers, etc, etc.

Ok thanks everyone

Looks like school and extra activities are the key and I will need to go a hit overboard which I will find really hard.

My hubby is happy to sit back and won’t push things so looks like it’s me’
Little athletics sounds good will look that up. She Curren,ty does tennis but only with one other child so no good there
She won’t go to nippers so will look for alternatives