Has anyone returned to UK from Aus?

[WS12]

I have posted a lot on here over the past 10 months about home sickness and missing my family back in the UK. We are now 10 and a half months on from our move - still early I know - but I have talked to DH about the possibility of going back as I just don't think I can live and settle on the other side of the world from my family. We have always been a close family my mam dad and my sister, and I can't imagine this is it for the rest of my life - facetime and visits home once or twice a year. But that's for another thread! What I was thinking about was other people's experiences.

Has anyone emigrated go Aus and returned home? Where about did you go to? What is your story? How long were you here for and when and why did you go back? Did you find it hard? Did you regret it? How did you organise the move back? Was everyone happy?

My DH has said if I still feel like this after our visit back next month (yes 4 weeks and I'll be back home if only for 3 weeks but can't wait!!) he has said I could go back with he kids for a trial period, say 6 months, and see how we both felt after that. Not ideal but a start at the conversation of returning I guess. I would like us all to go back together really. My hub is Australian and loving being back, feel guilty really.

I just would like to hear others stories if that's ok?? What I'm struggling with - though I love Australia I really do - I miss the closeness of family, I'm feeling very isolated here and can't wait to be back where I feel I belong. I know it won't be a bed of roses. This trip back will be very useful for both of us I think.

Will others please share their stories? Many thanks 💐❤

Not the same, Hower I went back to the UK on holiday after 4 years of living in the US, I couldn't wait to get back to the USA.

Everything had changed, it was very expensive and overcrowded..

We're going home in a couple of weeks after a year out here and I can't wait! I'll let you know how we get on!!
Like you, I feel isolated. Which is bonkers as we live in a densely populated area, but despite going to the same gym/kids activities/school drop off for a year, I've literally only made aquaintances. I just haven't felt like I'm living MY life here. It's felt a bit like the Truman Show.

I'm also British and in Australia (much like you less than a year in) I had some advice from someone who's been here for 10yrs or so (also from the UK).

She moved over, after 18 months went home to the UK. Then came back over a few months later because she missed Australia.
You imagine it like you left it but the UK will have changed (even just little things like your favorite shop moving!) so don't go back to your home town/where you left expecting to feel like it's home because you may actually just feel odd and out of place (I did, but I was only visiting).

What my friend said to me was Australia didn't feel like home, then when she went to the UK that didn't feel like home either.
Probably not helpful but just some perspective.

I still FaceTime my mum daily and I have 5 trips booked for each year. Is visiting an option for you?
Have you got any friends where you are?

Kumquotor where are you can I ask? Is everyone in your family happy to go back? What is your plan? Yes please do keep in touch I'd love to hear. I too like you are only making acquaintances or people to say help to at playgroup. I have a few mums phone numbers so I intend to do some play dates. My DH said I need to try to make good friendships, but that takes time I guess.

Cocklodger we have had my family over in April for 3 weeks which was great. It made me realise at the minute I hardly ever laugh - words smallest violin I know lol - but I love my dads company as he is so funny and makes me laugh. I feel miss just being in his presence. We are going for a holiday next month, and then my parents are thinking of coming next March (that's if we are still here). It's so expensive to go I don't think we could visit more than once or twice a year at a push. I seem to live my life on a count down to the next visit at the min 😂

I'm asking about other experiences because I have heard people return home then hate it and come back , "ping pong poms" I think it's called. My DH seems to think the novelty of being back in the UK would fade. I can see his point, but how do I live wishing I was somewhere else every birthday or special occasion? I've just celebrated my 30th, and my niece has just had her 2nd birthday and each time I felt "what am I doing here?!" Xxx

We returned after 2 years. It's a sore subject with me, as l gave up my career, and was at home all day with 2 little ones. Dd2 was 3mo at the time, dd1 was 2.
I felt very lonely as Dh was at work all day, and I just had babies for conversation.

I went out and about looking to make friends through dd's activities, and joined a book club myself. But, it never felt right.
When I broke my leg I was lonelier than ever. It was the pits.
Dh was made redundant (hurray!) and we headed home.
I did go home with dd's in the middle as was really missing home, my family. I needed that escape.
I should've stayed put, and told Dh to stay there.

My dps would never be able to travel due to their poor health and age.
I do feel I was bullied into moving, but that's a whole other thread.
I remember calling my mum when I broke my leg, and she said 'if only I was there with you to help', the tears just covered my face, I was soaked.

We lived in Perth, which was I feel maybe too sedate for me. I preferred Melbourne. I think I'd have settled there as seemed more homely to me, and friendlier. Don't get me wrong, I'm not shy, I can talk til the cows come home, I've worked in customer services all my career, so can converse with people. But, I do think so much of my life changed, I became resentful of the move too.

Dhs sisters lived there as they both emigrated 15 years earlier. So he was happy 🙄
Where are you op?

Not in Aus but away from home - it's just not the same -

It was easy back home friends poping in nights out - knowing where to go and who about, family get together

I miss it! But I feel the hole has been plugged - people don't visit or phone it's like we've been forgotten

Do you have kids OP?

It's a lot harder to relocate once you have kids, especially when they're in school, and of course you factor in is it better abroad or in the UK for them.

I'm a Brit in Canada, been here nearly ten years. It's tough but I do think here is the best option for us at the moment : our two kids and also work. Plus we have a house, etc. Economy in Britain not the best from what I see. Plus schools, NHS etc.

It's harder to leave the longer you stay IFYSWIM.

I feel for you, homesickness is terrible.

australia offers so much more in terms of lifestyle, but home is home.

How old are DC? Could you do more to integrate yourself in Oz and feel less like you're missing out?

I can really empathise with you OP. I'm Australian but lived in the UK for ten years. I'm back in Aus now. I know a lot of people on both sides of your story!
The first thing I would say is that what you're experiencing is totally part and parcel of being an expat. It's totally normal to feel a bit sad and left out, and part of you always will feel this. It strengthens and lessens at different times and under different circumstances.
The next thing I'll say is that EVERY SINGLE Brit I know who returned to the UK regretted it. I know at least half a dozen ping pong poms
Where in Aus are you?

I did this when my son was born, after 3.5 years in sydney.
We moved back for 8/9 months then I panicked at the thought of staying forever. We moved back to sydney and have been settled ever since.

It's hard to make new friendships but it's worth the effort, I have seen lots of English friends return over the years too which was difficult.

Depending on where in Aus you are I'd say it's easier or harder to meet new people.

We live in a popular ex pat area which can be transient so it's easier as lots of people are in the same position.

Facebook groups are a great place to meet other mums and you can quickly find a tribe of mums to meet for coffees in the park, you have to initiate drinks or family meet ups.

I have two children DS who is 4 and DD who is 2, they were 3 and 1 when we left. We are out in the country in Victoria. A gorgeous place, I can't fault it at all, it's beautiful. I am finding a few friends through the playgroup which has been great, surprisingly my two mummy friends who are the best at Play dates and coffees are English also 🙊.

My husbands family are here but are so close I feel like a bit of an outsider. I had this idea that I'd be like an adopted daughter, it hasn't turned out that way yet. I do agree That this is all part and parcel of being an expat, I'm taking each day as it comes but can't shift the feeling that going home would make me so happy it's unreal. To suddenly have instant family and friends, it'd be like a relief. I honestly don't think I'd regret it, I know I'd have days where I think "we should have stayed in Aus!" That's bound to happen, but I like postee above gave up a lot to be here, I was happy in the Uk but moved because I knew my DH really wanted to. I was excited for the adventure too if I'm really honest.

Long distance how has your relationship been since returning? Hope you don't mind me asking xxx

Being sunny what made you leave the second time? Was it that things weren't as good as you remembered? Did you feel better leaving second time around? It's a huge leap of faith to leave everything several times, but t is an option.

Personally I'd go for a long visit of a month or so if you can, then see how you feel.
If you went back would you be able to come back to Australia if you wanted to?

Cocklodge that's a good idea. I think we have two choices - either I stay when we go back to visit and my DH returns for a bit without us (😢) or I come back to Aus and after xmas at some point in to the new year, if I still feel this way to go back for a period of a month to six months and see how I feel. My DH isn't overly excited about moving back but I know he would. I'd be worried he'd.m be majorly depressed though as worry about how this would impact on our marriage.

My visa is a spouse visa so it's permanent, but they have given me until end of December 2020 to make the definite move.

Honestly, I was on may leave and was enjoying family, however realised that I'd need to head back to work eventually, end up needing to do long commutes to London and would lose quality time with DC.

I also realised that once the novelty wears off, everyone goes back to work and unless you live on the doorstep, that 'family support' isn't as you might expect.

I retuned to oz because of the lifestyle, my ability to work in the city for a city salary, proximity to the beach and a great work life balance which I didn't see in the UK. Our health is better, we are more active, food is better here and so are the opportunities.

It's a tough one, do you have PR?

I wouldn't leave without it, but maybe it's worth a try, you need to give it a year I would say,

I also found that I didn't really fit in back home, lots of friends had moved on, had kids earlier than me and just had different perspectives. I did have a few close friends but found it was easier to make new friends, with shared exeriences, people expect you to be the same as you were when you left but of course you aren't.

What do you mean by PR?

Yes there are definite positives to being here. I am a SAHM which has been nice - maybe not the perfect scenario for me - but it's been great to see lots of the DC. I don't think we could do that back home. My DH is also smiling more and more upbeat. The kids love the beach and my DS loves his counsins here. I feel that I'm the only one missing home at times ... I keep thinking I should put my happiness last really. So complicated 😱

What were the circumstances of your DH living in the UK? Was he on holiday and ended up staying after you married? I feel that if he gave up his life in Australia to live in the UK with you that it's completely understandable that he'd want to live back home near his family/friends too.

He was travelling around the UK and Europe when we met, he was working as assistant manager in a bar. We got married in Greece and made a life for our selves in the UK, had our two children there and he became a citizen just before we left. When we left he had been there 14 years.

The thing is my DH could take or leave his family. I asked if he came here to be back with his family and the answer was no he missed the climate, and way of life, a bit simpler here. We have seen a few friends but he doesn't see his old friends as one is in Melbourne and the other Canberra so miles away.

He has said he could live in the UK again if he had to. He doesn't seem to miss his family at all. Before he UK he lives in Melbourne and USA. Lots of aussies don't have that close family connection.

PR is permanent residence.
Will it be easier when your eldest starts kindy next year?
Also if you move back will you be able to get your children into the local schools. ?
See how you feel when you return back to Australia after your holiday. I think that would be your best chance to see how you feel

Aabj I completely agree with you. I think that is best too. My son is at kinder now and he loves it, it's a really friendly kinder too, very welcoming to parents. We don't have a PR we are renting at the moment, we need to save more deposit I think xx

Thank you to all for sharing your stories, it's really helpful to hear others experiences 😊

PR is a visa status, as in permanent residency, it's the last step before citizenship.

Although if your husband is Australian it's likely less complicated.

I suggest a big drive towards creating some friendships, and it sounds as though your husband would be op n to moving back which is important.

Best of luck in your decision, it's ever so hard and I do sympathise, I do t think there is ever a definitive right or wrong

Yes I do have PR but need to be settled by end of 2020 I think or they review my visa. Might need to look in to that more.

I'm an expat as well, although not UK>Australia. You're right about family ties, they are the hardest thing about being half a world away. Unfortunately it only gets harder as your parents age and the possibility of serious illness comes up.

I found it hard when we first moved, but it does get easier. You haven't been away for very long, and based on my experience (myself and also friends and colleagues) the first two years are the real "fish out of water" stage. At this point everything will be different for you - the climate, the friendships, the landscape, the life-logistics - it's all new and that's tiring.

I would honestly not suggest an extended stay back in the UK yet. I don't think you will be able to be objective and compare the two places properly.

Based on my experience, I would suggest throwing yourself into building a life - friends, places to visit, happy memories based there, ways to stay properly in touch with the UK, etc. Then after you've really really tried for two years, you will have a much better idea where your heart and soul really lie. And you won't look back and wonder "did I try hard enough to make it work".

Intransige, thank you for your advice.

I do feel a sense of not having tried long or hard enough yet that's true, I almost feel a guilt of jumping ship too early if that's the right way to put it. It means a lot to my hubby to be here in Aus. If it was just me making my own decision about my own life, I'd be back in a heartbeat, well I'd have never left really in the first place I don't think without my DH longing to come here. I feel my DH deserves some more time. I'm desperate to get back to how I was with family near by though, I don't think that will ever change, it has got easier though I must agree, the first five months felt like five years...

What I struggle with most is when I think about all the things both myself and my parents are missing out on, the closeness with the kids, they haven't seen th children much since September only in April when they holidayed here, not much on FaceTime. I can't bear the thought of birthdays and Christmases without them when all I want is to be with them, memories of me and the children and my parents together. It's so hard! I think "what am I doing here when the people I love and miss and want to be with are all the way back home?". This is the first time ever I have been relieved for xmas and birthdays to be over with so I don't have to be sad about who isn't here. Will that feeling ever go? My DH honestly isn't bothered about being near his family, he even suggested we go to QLD for the sunshine! I have said no to that as there is no family at all up there. At least here we do have his family.

Sometimes though that makes me worse. I see how close his sisters are to their mum, and it makes me want my mum. I feel like stomping my feet and saying "why can't I be with my mum!" 😡 But I don't ofcourse. And it hasn't been all that easy with his family either which hasn't helped the situation at all. Only one of his sisters has ever asked how I am, no one else has ever asked. I don't really think they care about my emotional wellbeing, they're just glad my DH is back.