Hi OP five years ago I could have written your post. In fact, I probably did on one of the British Expat forums I was a member of.
We emigrated to NZ in 2006 and returned to the UK in 2012.
MY DH loved the kiwi lifestyle and loved his job. He was in a profession where he was respected by the community and everyone pulled together and was treated like one big family. (Emergency services job) He threw himself into triathlons, camping, hiking, kayaking, and loved it. The kids ran around barefoot and developed kiwi accents and loved life too.
I struggled. At first I buried the feelings as we had been advised to sever as many ties as possible to the UK otherwise it would be harder to settle. We sold up, shipped everything over and came to NZ with in definate residency. I struggled with so man things. Firstly there was this gnawing feeling that time was flashing by and I was living a temporary life that wasn't mine. I felt like I was living at the arse end of the world and all the people who cared about me were a billion miles away.
I have a close small family and three months running up to the emigration was nothing short of hell. My family really struggled with the decision to move and couldn't understand why we wanted to go. In the end, emotions ran that high, we very nearly left on bad terms with them. My parents went away when we were having our leaving dos etc as they couldn't handle it all.
After the honeymoon phase was over, there was this unease and difficulty to settle coming from me. We moved several times both rentals and property purchases as we couldn't find the right area/home. Looking back, that was a massive indication that things weren't right. Due to us moving in 2006 we left the UK during the property boom so we made a fortune out of the move and the exchange rate was at its peak but unfortunately NZ had experienced a boom too so we were shocked at how little we could get for our money. Someone advised us that once your £s have gone and you're earning kiwi dollars, be prepared to struggle. I also remember someone telling us not to come to NZ unless you're mortgage free. Unfortunately we ignored this advise as we needed quite a big mortgage to get a half decent house (nothing majorly flash though) in the right area. DH was earning a decent wage and I had to go from working part time in the UK to full time in NZ. This was with a just turned 5 year old just starting school. I spent my summers working in an air conditioned office paying strangers to look after my child.
Resentment started to creep in. I hated the fact my kids gradually started to forget close family members, cried about fact that family members looked older every time we would see them on Skype or photos. My parents are in their mid 60s and in the end we ditched sky ping as it was too upsetting for both of us.
When my youngest DS was 7 he had a major accident and ended up in intensive care. I remember being sat in a chair at the side of him texting my mum crying my eyes out, whilst she was 12 thousand miles away doing the same, feeling so helpless.
I flung myself into trying to make friends. I found kiwi women very friendly and easy to talk to but felt like I was kept at arms length. Most of the friends I made over there were Brits mostly in the same boat as me although my closest friend over there was lucky enough to have her parents emigrate too.
I felt very jealous at seeing other kiwis with their families and dreaded Xmas, milestone birthdays, grandparents day. My DS came home from school one day a bit sad that he had to "borrow" someone's grandma for grandparents day. The guilt was awful. Constantly asking them if they were happy and if they are glad we are here. Constantly questioning "what have we done?" Is this the "better life" we promised them? Having no family or ties to this country? NZ is in its own little bubble and its a very lonely place to be even with family. I am not an outdoor loving girl. I love shopping, busy bars and nightlife and clothes and foreign holidays. We lived on the doorstep to rural breathtaking beaches and I would post photos on Facebook and receive comments from people saying how lucky we are. Little did they know that yes they were breathtaking but we were the only people on the beach!
I soon got bored with the life and as we lived in a tourist area, dreaded the long winters as everyone literally hibernated and also dreaded summer because of Xmas.
My mum used to say that Saturday mornings she would very often get a drunken phone call from me (as it would be sat night in NZ) crying down the phone telling me how much I missed her.
My mum and dad came out to visit us twice. A few days after their arrival I would start to dread their departing. The build up to each visit lasted about a year. The second time they left effected me for a bout three months and I ended up on antidepressants. The reason was because my DF quietly mentioned that it would be their last visit due to my mums health ( she has a heart condition) and the journey is too much for her. This gnawed away at me..knowing how little disposable income we were left with, there was no way we could afford to visit the UK.
Then a couple of years later, my DH surprised me with paying for a flight back to the UK for my 40th. He came into a small amount of money but it was enough for a visit home for me.
The minute the plane touched down, I had goosebumps and I just felt that finally I was home. I knew right at that moment that NZ would never be my home.
Towards the end of my visit, I broke down to my parents and everything came out about how unhappy I was, and how I had tried to make it work but the homesickness was crippling. I felt like I was living someone else's life and my own life was being wasted in a place that wasn't home. My parents told me they would help in any way they could to bring us back.
Back when we emigrated, DH and I made a pact that we would give it 5 years and if one of us didn't settle, we would come back. I remember skyping him from my mum and dads spare room asking him how he would feel about coming back. He said he would support me in the decision and he knew it was coming as I had been so unhappy. I felt that a tonne weight had been lifted.
I returned to NZ and we put immediate plans in place to make the move back.
I don't regret the decision one bit. Yes, I do miss my life in NZ, i see photos on Facebook all the time of friends on the beach or bbqing on Xmas day, but I know if I had still been there, I would be missing the UK and family members more. People say "why did you come back to this shithole?" When they hear our story, but unless you have been a foreigner in someone else's country, you will never understand.
No amount of sunshine and beaches make up for the luxury of having your family on the doorstep.