So deeply unhappy

[Wehavetogoback]

Where do I start , I suppose I actually feel like I am mourning for the loss of my old life..

My old life was working full time in a job I loved with a monthly night out with the girls my own independence and a sense of purpose

I'm now 6 months in to a 3yr "adventure " with DH and kids...I've cried every day since arriving I hate it here with a passion .
I'm like a goldfish in a bowl all day we can't afford a second car tbh even with a car I have nowhere to go but at the moment DH needs to travel to various locations a day for work the kids are at school and I'm alone all day every day .. Where I live it's so hot with no pavements I can't even go for a walk

I don't have a degree so me getting a work permit is going to be almost impossible

The texts from friends are almost non existent probably because whenever I'm asked how it's going I reply it's fucking shit and I want to go home ..

We can't go home we have little savings ( that was a major point of coming out but it's way more expensive here than we thought plus setting up home ) no jobs, schools , car or home

I fell for the fucking live life to full memes , 9-5 life is dull have an adventure.

There are few expats here so I'd rather not say exactly where I am but I'm in Asia

I know I'm depressed I've spoken to a councillor here plus was prescribed Xanax nothing is helping

Thank you for all the wonderful suggestions I'm on the case to all the ideas I do feel brighter and less down thanks to you all

Things will get better Op, I've been exactly where you are and it does get better.

An Embassy or Consulate can indeed offer some support, albeit limited to notice boards and booklets for expats. At the very least, they will try to help by listening to your questions (a receptionist's duty) and pointing you in the right direction.

Pleased you are feeling better about it all.

I had an amazing time overall as an expat even if I times I hated it. I had stages in HCMC were I would call dh and say 'get me out of this God forsaken hell hole!. He got to the stage he offered to pack my bags. We went for two years and ended up staying for six.

Funny story for you. Not me and it may well be not true but....

Couple move to Borneo on first expat posting with an oil company. They find a house and on moving in day husband is 'up country'. Wife gets moved and and starts to settle. Lovely day so she opens th patio doors and goes upstairs to unpack some boxes. She comes back downstairs and immediately runs back upstairs and calls the office to say there is a lizard in her lounge. She is told not to worry. It's fine. They are harmless. They eat the mosquitoes. They won't bother her. They will live behind pictures. She will have to get used to them. She is not convinced but says ok. Half an hour later she calls again demanding to be taken to the airport as she is leaving. They send someone over. There is an 8 foot long monitor lizard in the lounge! . Even if this story isn't true I can well imagine it happening!

Today 09:02

An Embassy or Consulate can indeed offer some support, albeit limited to notice boards and booklets for expats. At the very least, they will try to help by listening to your questions (a receptionist's duty) and pointing you in the right direction

Perhaps years ago.

OP- what you are experiencing is a perfectly normal stage of moving to another country. It is part of cultrue shock, and it is the low point, 'adventure' feeling has passed and now you are stuck here and hate everything.

It really does pass and get better.
As well as thinking about studying etc, one thing tha helped me was to make a choice to get involved with local culture. So I learned how to make batik, and how to cook local food and even took a few dancing lessons (that was quite amusing) It introduced me to a group of ex-pats who were more interesting, they weren't sitting in a little ex-pat bubble. Some were married to locals etc.
I used to explore the local markets and worked out how to get round on buses etc. It did require some language and I sent the first few months having language lessons.

If this was supposed to be an adventure then ask yourself what you want from it? How are you going to get to know the place - are you and kids going out and about at weekends to explore?

The more you get to know a place, the more you feel at home.

An Embassy or Consulate can indeed offer some support, albeit limited to notice boards and booklets for expats.

Agree that this must be years ago - notice boards and booklets?!

The British Embassy where I live would not help. You're better off networking through school and scouring Internet forums/FB pages.

Best of luck, OP. I found it hard too. DH's original contract was for two years, and for months I struggled. I'm a "trailing spouse" and I work from home, which I found lonely. I made a huge effort to get out as much as possible, never refuse an invitation and found myself a group of friends. Suddenly after 18 months I realised I was happy - and we've not left after five years.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/support-for-british-nationals-abroad-a-guide

It is really tough at the start. I found an expat group after a while, through a local work contact of DH ironically! After a year I got my own car sorted and I made progress with the language but it was very hard at times. I said yes to everything but it took a while to get anything to say yes to. I agree with others, I started approaching anyone speaking English anywhere. Kids may have parties, social gatherings that help you meet people. We had the drop off in car thing but people would chat outside of the car while waiting. Don't give up it takes time and you have the hardest role.

I cant even begin to understand why you think that booklet (which Im sure most of us are familiar with) is relevant to the opening post.

The Op needs help with settling in to a new life, making a pal, getting a social life going. She has not asked for help regarding consular services.

Just what is it that you are not understanding about this thread?

Oh, golly gosh MrsPeely! I bow to your superior knowledge and understanding, Ma'am.

No need to be so rude diodati, MrsPeelyWaly is quite right.

Oh, golly gosh MrsPeely! I bow to your superior knowledge and understand

Thank you.

The British Embassy where I am is good for the carol service and a mince pie and glass of (alcoholic!) punch at Christmas but otherwise I don't know anyone who has any dealings with them.

I hope you find a way to make life tolerable OP. I've made some good friends (though it did take a while) and I've found people to be very open to new bods joining a friendship group as the expat population is so transient, unlike back in my hometown I the UK where I've known the same people for the same 15 years. Here, it's absolutely fine here to turn up to parties and suppers with extra people in tow, and I've met so many people that way.