Does anyone regret moving abroad?

[sinnamom]

I have been living abroad for the last 8 months and although I know this isn't a long time I really regret leaving the UK.
My DH is a local and I speak the language fluently and had previously spent a lot of time in this country so the decision to move here was well-thought out and seemingly the right thing to do. The irony is I always envisaged us coming to live here and certainly to raise our children.
My DH keeps telling me I just need time to adapt but I'm not convinced. Has anyone else experienced this and did it get better for you?

Hi sinnamom,

Have never regretted it but have had some hard times; some times when I felt really lonely, but not for home (England) as such, just a bit lost. I moved 11 years ago, first to Switzerland which was v hard as a first move with not a great deal of money, and with very basic French. I never really made friends with the locals although my French got loads better and even now, I feel pretty confident on holiday there etc. The turning points for me were a) making friends, albeit expat ones and b) getting a job teaching in an international school (even though we couldn't afford to send our kids there!!)

It meant I had a life of my own and a great support network. 6 years ago we moved to Holland and again, the first couple of years were tough. Now, I am the happiest I have been living anywhere and I put this down to having made some fabulous friends.

I know what you mean about the isolation and not quite fitting in anywhere, but I also felt this in UK which is one of the major reasons I was so willing to move in the first place. Agree with Expat and others that those 'moving to the sun' tv shows are crap. They don't come anywhere close to describing the reality of dealing with day to day issues.

Some excellent replies with so much food for thought - thanks to you all

I think SSSChi summed up my situation perfectly. All my lengthy stays in Spain were before my children were born so life was totally carefree and it was easy to make friends. Now I find just taking them to the doctors a real nerve-wracking experience. I find medics to be much more matter of fact here sometimes bordering on cold-hearted and I really miss the the softly cuddly approach of my GP back home. Sad I know but hey...
To make matters worse for me is the fact that my Spanish DH loved living in the UK because his personality really suits the way of life there, both at home and in the work place. He lived in the UK for 8 yrs + and had very few complaints. It was ME that kept on with the idea of coming to Spain, especially when DS1 came along, this is something that makes me feel even worse, as if left to him...

don't know of any cuddly GPs in my bit of england...

I agree that those relocation programmes are really misleading. A lot of the participants seem to believe that if they move away from the UK they will never again have to pay tax, get a parking permit, deal with bureaucracy, put up with rain.

In fact I found I did more of that outside the UK than in it (have lived in Switzerland, Belgium and France).

Obviously the rain thing doesn't apply so much in Spain but there seems to be a weird conspiracy across Northern Europe to proclaim that their weather is better than ours - I struggled to see that in Brussels tbh! When I lived in Paris, which you might as well include in the London weather forecast as it's so similar, people were always saying to me "oh you must be so glad to get away from the London weather". In the absence of good enough French, I used to make this face:

lol margoandjerry, re weather in northen europe!It's so true!
we have some cuddly gps here, very kind, very nice, but they hardly examine you...

lol too at margoandjerry and Pippi [gron]

I wonder those of you who have said you do regret moving abroad - despite your regrets do you think it has be beneficial to you children? In my case having children was the main catalyst for our move.

or even grin like this !!!

I don't think I did my dd a favour TBH (she was born here, I didn't move here with her to give her a better life)

We moved here before the dc. Who knows if this is going to be beneficial for them or not?
Certainly we are now living in what's considered a pretty town (no major problems of traffic conjestion etc) and they are growing up bilingual. Hopefully they are going to make the most of the english education system, and do more creative things (in my experiece creative activities were a bit neglected in the italian school system, although it does depends on the teachers).
If we were still in Milan we'd have the big problem of the traffic and lack of green spaces. But: we have many many friends with children there, who spend lots of time together. They do a great amount of things together, and I think it benefits the children a great deal. (I find that being enclosed in a nuclear family most of the time, as we are here, quite claustrophobic). We'd be close to the grandparents. It'd be more easy for me to navigate the education system.

i lived in oz for 7 years and have moved back to the uk 3 yrs ago and never ever regretted coming "home". living abroad is not all it is cracked up to be.

We both lived away from home when we met and had the dc abroad too but I feel as if they have missed out on the "family experience" although I know from threads on here that family arguments can be very bad. I just feel that my dc would have benefited from being able to stay at grans or at their cousins from time to time. I would have had more social life - haven't been out in the evening since we had kids unless they came too. Also miss the fact that in the UK I would be more confident with schooling, here I sometimes wonder if I'm on the wrong planet because I don't get things. In all, I would say it would all have been easier back home but we have enabled them to be bilingual which is great and they have travelled alot more than I ever did as a child which might mean they won't run off and leave me when they're old enough like I did when I was 17!

one thing I am sure it would be beneficial for my kids is to be brought up in a multicultural society. Not somewhere where everybody is the same and they look at you as if you are crazy just because you are wearing a hat, FGS!
that's why I am here and glad to be.
For this very reason I don't want to leave London - if we have to move to the countryside I might as well go back home (beatiful part of Italy)!

re: school- who knows which is best. you always think the one from your own country is better anyway. I am quite looking forward to learn a whole new system through DC. it won't feel 'done that!' IYSWIM.

the only thing I have got a bit of an issue with is the NHS though, but that's another story! and the 'nonni'\ not being close of course.

Glad you feel able to wear a hat in London Pippi

I've been living abroad most of my adult life, first France, now Italy. After a couple of years in France I couldn't wait to get away, once the "honeymoon" period was over I began realising I'd never really fit in. Don't get me wrong, I love all things French and speak the language fluently, but France and I just didn't rub along (a bit like a schoolgirl crush you finally start going out with and discover that he wasn't that great after all IYSWIM).

I then moved to Italy and have been here ever since. Not that everything's perfect here, far from it, many things are much better in France and the UK, but I found it much easier to fit into the lifestyle. It probably helps I'm part Italian and also that I found it sooo easy finding jobs here. I was also single/dating and had a great social life, no real responsibilities other than paying my rent and trundling into work on time. Nonetheless, in all that time I never considered myself here permanently - I never bought a house, car or anything that wasn't instantly disposable so that I couldn't just jump on the plane home (despite the fact that the UK over the years has become alien territory to me and I don't actually have a "home" to go to, unless I wanted to move back to my mum's) or move onto somewhere else. My dream was (and still is, really) to open a gay bar somewhere along the Spanish coast, where I can dress up in fancy clothes and dance on stage to Abba/Donna Summer/Erasure etc.

Now that I have a DD, however, I occasionally think of returning to the UK as Italy, despite being a place where people coo over children, is not actually very child friendly in a practical sense. Plus there's rampant pollution and not many green spaces in the cities. It might be a sense of the grass is greener but every time I visit friends in the UK (usually south coast or home counties) everything seems so green and peaceful and, well, twee and there are fun places for children to go, toddler groups etc etc etc, not to mention a brilliant choice of cheap children's clothing and bits and bobs.

I'm sure it's all a load of rubbish and I'd probably last a couple of months before bemoaning the lack of decent coffee, mezze penne (how are small children supposed to eat full sized penne?) and cat food with vegetables in it .

ooohhh

no excuse now!!

hi brangelina . Lets swap! I'll send you mezze penne every month, and if you behave also i piccolini barilla . Me, I'm still traumatized by a parents and toddler group and today I've been told off for having let dd eat at gym tots. I feel as humiliated as a schoolgirl

Franca - I got told off in Coin children's section because my DD was out of her pushchair and (gasp) touching cuddly toys! Silly cow, far too uptight to be working in a children's section. My DP said she was a figa secca. I think next time I'll make sure DD has Marmite smeared all over her hands and lead her to the pink frilly cerimonia dresses.....

lol at figa secca! Gosh I haven't been to coin for ages! Another thing when you are living abroad, or at least this is something happening to me, is that you think your country is still more or less like you left it, and there is this weird phenomenon, that you struggle to recognize your own country and still don't understand in depth how the country you are living in actually works. I find this hard.
And unfortunately Italy is such a mess. However, I'd be probably happier in Milan. Yes, today I'm having a bad day

never actually wore a hat in london sss... not appealing anymore as but wore my pijama to the corner shop loaads of times ans like any true 'rebellious' italian in london I coloured my hair bright red!!!

brangelina I so agree with you re italy not really being child friendly. how many restaurants outside the touristy bits do actually have high chairs?

franca70 don't be sad, is DH's job permament? isn't there a chance to move soonish? maybe to london - big city and easier to fly home for a couple of days?

I so know what you mean Franca, in the end you just feel so displaced because what you remember ends up changing completely. I no longer recognise many things in the UK, nor do I recognise myself anymore among English people. I do think a lot of things here (in Italy) have changed for the better compared to when I first arrived 14 years ago, but then a lot have also changed for the worse. Mind you, that could be said for most of the world.

Pippi - forget the high chair, try changing a nappy anywhere outside your house. Also, I don't know what disabled people do but I have major hassle getting a pushchair through 90% of shop doorways, let alone on public transport. I mean, who invented the 3 breakneck steps to get on a train ffs!!! I could go on but it gets boring. Oh well, at least I can whip my boobs out anywhere here, unlike in the UK. The looks I got in Gatwick the other week.... I just dared someone to say something but alas no one did.

waves at califrau
Brangelina the "barriere architettoniche" (what's the englihs translation? architectonic obstacles?) are appalling in Italy. Glad to hear it's so welcoming to bfeeders (have to say that I've never had problems in the uk as well). Anyway, I'll be back next week. Fancy a vodka tonic at capetown?

oh I did not mention baby changing facilities because they do not even know what they are in italy. very surprised about the b/f I thought they were a bit suspicious when I did it in sardinia. never a problem in the uk only from an american once.
oh and why they have lamppost in the middle of the pavements: it's mkore of a gimkana with the pram than a stroll.

uh I like slaging off italy at time... but I love her so!!