Does anyone regret moving abroad?

[sinnamom]

I have been living abroad for the last 8 months and although I know this isn't a long time I really regret leaving the UK.
My DH is a local and I speak the language fluently and had previously spent a lot of time in this country so the decision to move here was well-thought out and seemingly the right thing to do. The irony is I always envisaged us coming to live here and certainly to raise our children.
My DH keeps telling me I just need time to adapt but I'm not convinced. Has anyone else experienced this and did it get better for you?

sinnamom, how old are your dc?

don't know really , don't have any yet. about to start ttc, but no, from friends' experience not a lot.

1 ds 2 yrs and other 3 months. Shouldn´t have time to feel lonely
Good luck ttc Luchinka!!

Actually I think that with dc those ages, it is probably fairly common to feel isolated and a bit bored/lonely wherever you live TBH. Your social life picks up a bit once they are at daycare and you are naturally interacting with other dp whose dc are the same ages and I found you strike up conversations very easily because there's always the dc to talk about.

I think too that living overseas with dc is a lot harder than life overseas without dc. There is so much more to worry about - healthwise, in terms of education and so on. I think too we automatically try and recreate the positive sides of own childhood and that's difficult in a different culture.

I would also say that there is little intrinsically good or bad about a particular country (at least in Europe) and nothing wrong with you if you don't feel at home there. It's just that not everyone matches their new country. Some people find their feet very quickly because life in their new home actually reflects their particular personality better than their country of origin. You can have two people from say your hometown moving in similar circumstances to your current home in Spain and one may well love it there, the other may never grow to like it.

sss is absolutely spot on

SSS agree 100%.
For this reason I'd also say that it is okay to give it time, especially with DC as one is less free to meet the people you want to meet rather than the one you have to meet through your kids IYSWIM. however, it is so very true thatsome places fit one more than others.

also much harder to move because of DP/DH work rather than because of one's motives. I felt trapped when DH wanted to move to the countryside (in the uk still) - it would have destroyed me (maybe when I am ready in a afew years).

No.

BUT, all the times I've moved abroad were before I had children.

TBH, my feeling is you need to give it at least a year, sometimes more.

I, too, have lived abroad for 14 out of 36 years of my life.

IME, it's gotten a lot easier now that there's the net, Skype, webcams, etc.

It used to really blow hard in the 80s.

yes

I've lived in Spain since 1990, i ws 22 when we arrived and will be 39 next month so all my adult life ive been here. i hate being foreign every day of my life and i hate it when my relis back home say 'oh, you're so Spanish'. My English is 'Spanglified', i can hardly string a sentence together anymore and i used to be a wordsmith, my vocbularly hasnt grown as it should have even tho i read tons. My Spanish is ok but paradoxically was probably better a few years ago when i had more confidence. I live in a town that has all the disadvantages of a big city and none of the advantages. I can't afford to move back to the UK because ive never been able to study or train and have always been self-employed but couldnt afford to set up a business in the UK and feel i am unemployable at my age and without many qualifications. For years ive dreamed of going back, have tried to fix it so i can go back for a couple of months at a time but its just like being on holiday except you dont feel refreshed at the end of it. I miss my family even more now that i have kids and my siblings do too. I have resigned myself now to the fact that i am here and cant see any way of leaving, but dont want to grow old here either...

sorry, i sound like a really negative person dont i?

Ah,malaleche.
There must be some good points?

It's just that it was never supposed to be permanent and it just got harder and harder to leave...

trying to think of good points....
ok, the diet is still better than in the UK, but not for long i dont think...
ermmm, what else.....

Aw, mal .

I'm so sorry you feel this way.

and those tv programmes in the uk where they sell living abroad as the big dream really piss me off!

I think those TV shows do NOONE any favours, mal, I'm with you there.

As a person who's lived abroad for a long time, I agree 100% that bigging it up is not nice.

i know its up to me in the end, probably id have been like this wherever i ended up living...but then again, maybe not???

I have lived in the UK since 1983 ,moved over here when I was 20.I was so engrossed in being young,training as a nurse,socialising that homesickness was not a problem.It only really kicked in when I had children and really missed having my family around.
I still do regret not having them closer to me.I really really hope my children don't decide to move to another country .I feel guilty about what my children have missed out on not having my family close to them.
But do I regret it?
I don't think I do.I love this country and I wouldn't have met dh if I hadn't moved here.

I have lived here since 1988 and all my children were born here. I have made good friends, and unlike most antipodeans, found the British by and large to be warm and friendly. Until recently I really loved it but now tbh I am starting to get really fed up with London - with the dirt, the poor standards in service and public administration, and what I have perceived to be a major decline in public behaviour. It seems everywhere I turn there is something to make me feel, I shouldn't actually be living here and putting up with this! I am also concerned as dcs grow up and dd1 now in mid-teens at the sort of pressures on teens in British culture. There are many times I feel like scooping my babies up and running off to the French countryside! I am actually regretting that we didn't do that when dcs were tiny when such a move would have been easier - now it would be strenously resisted as dcs real Londoners and dh's career really dependant on being somewhere like London. Funnily enough we never consider going back to Oz - been gone too long, methinks.

Malaleche, I'm the same. My English hasn't got any better, despite I read so much and my Italian is getting worse, sometimes I need to think before saying a conjunctive! (and I used to be extremely articulate)

not so far although its undoubtedly tough some days. I think its important to be able to visit home or at least to plan to to keep that sense of contact tho (we're going back at end April/early May and I'm over the moon about it even tho we'll have to see mil)

malaleche it sounds like something I could have written. I've also been abroad most of my adult life and regret alot of what I thought was having a great time when it was infact wasting time as far as my career goes. I am now stuck, wanting to finish studying and my english is getting worse, I used to write alot and when I read my old stuff I can't believe I wrote it. I haven't managed to master the german language although I can do the accent to perfection.
I can't really give you any good advice or words of encouragement but we can at least feel sorry for each other!

I am VERY homesick now
it's finally sunk in that this is permanent

Rading teh Observer Food Monthly's food awards about the diversity and wonderfulness of Britain, not to mention some of my old stomping grounds has not helped today

God, how I want to be having Sunday Lunch in Clerkenwell with my mates right now