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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Original poster

Expats, what are your pet peeves about your family abroad now ?

92 replies

expatinscotland · 05/03/2007 22:46

Mine would have to be people who say they'll come at a certain time, so you go all out planning.

Then they cancel it for some lame ass reason.

I stopped planning, I just get on with it and plan our own deal and if they make it over and fit in, great, if not, fuck it.

OP posts:
mamama · 07/03/2007 15:16

Oh, the comparing prices thing annoys me too. There's only so many times I can point out that I earn dollars not pounds so the comparison doesn't work. Grrrr.

And why can't my in-laws just accept that things are different - why do they have to point out that everyone here has a funny accent, that tea isn't as good as English tea, that the bread is not the same. If you don't like it, don't bloody visit us then!

mamama · 07/03/2007 15:17

Sorry, got carried away - that turned into a bit of a rant

Original poster
expatinscotland · 07/03/2007 15:25

It's okay, mama, I've gotten to that point, too.

'If you don't like it, stay home.'

OP posts:
Ivor · 07/03/2007 15:38

Agree about the tea, anyone who stays with us has to bring a big box of Tetleys

hana · 07/03/2007 16:32

veg and fruit are cheaper here daddycool, and fresh flowers. I always have flowers in the house as they are ridiculously cheap compared to home!!

and brrrrr for you....was listening to cbc earlier and it was -14 in and around TO, I don't miss that!

paulaplumpbottom · 07/03/2007 21:20

I get the resentment thing from my friends. I think some of them feel like they got married and had kids right out of Highschool and that after University I got to travel, see the world and that I live some really glamerous life in Belfast. I am only in contact with one of them now. I think they feel they have nothing in common with me. I hate that because we were all friends from the time we were toddlers. Its not so bad with my friends from University. I even get the odd visit and I love them for it.

purplemonkeydishwasher · 07/03/2007 21:31

Anyone else notice that it's closer and easier for US to visit THEM then the other way around?
Never mind the fact that we have jobs and can only get a couple weeks off a year and frankly don't want to spend our valuable holiday time visiting people who can't be ARSED to even EMAIL us.

Ivor · 07/03/2007 22:19

What i hate the most is when we do go back it dosn't feel like home any more. I always build it up before we go and within a couple of hours of being back I want to go again. May-be it's because we always have to stay with the MIL

Original poster
expatinscotland · 07/03/2007 22:25

'Anyone else notice that it's closer and easier for US to visit THEM then the other way around?'

No, not when your parents are well-off retirees who swan around all over the place and get dirt cheap flights from the US.

I have two good friends there who find it a piece of piss to visit here.

One has an adult daughter and one is childfree by choice. Both have loaded husbands and don't work.

DH and I, on the other hand, have three jobs between us and two under 4s.

OP posts:
purplemonkeydishwasher · 07/03/2007 22:29

sorry expat. i was being sarcastic! i meant that they always expect us to come over there when in fact it's cheaper and easier for them to come here!

Original poster
expatinscotland · 07/03/2007 22:32

I hear you, PPB!

That was my mother's big thing now.

'We'll pay for you'.

Thanks! Will you put up with two toddlers on a transatlantic flight and connections?

Or how about going back to WORK when your jet lagged kids have been up all night?

Yeah! We'll be right there.

NOT.

My pal's are GREAT about it, though!

OP posts:
suedonim · 08/03/2007 08:07

I rarely hear from my brothers these days. I have always felt obliged to do the running as we were the ones who moved away but I eventually realised I was flogging a dead horse and I just don't bother now. And for the most part there hasn't been some vast continent between us, it's a matter of one end of the UK to the other! I did experience some inner glee when my mum told me bro1 was shocked to hear I was now in Africa, teehee! But it's my mum I feel sorry for. None of my three siblings has seen her for four years. And if I mention her on the rare occasion I can be *rsed to email them, they ignore me.

Ds1 lives in the US and we do our best to see him as often as we can. I must admit I do wonder what will happen when dh and I are older and ds1 and his dw possibly have children - we never seem able to get any of these cheap fares, Expat!

At least my friends keep in touch, for the most part and in lots of ways I'd rather hear from them than family. Re others not wanting to hear about your life, I think there's a general lack of imagination in people. Living a different life to their own is beyond their ken. Someone said to me a while back that once you've lived as an expat you join an exclusive club that you don't even know exists until you are an expat and I think that's v true. Though that sounds a bit cliquey, and we all know what people think about cliques on MN!

Bozza · 08/03/2007 08:18

That sounds very suedonim re your Mum. Am I right in assuming that they (your siblings) and your Mum are living in scattered parts of the UK?

suedonim · 08/03/2007 08:31

Yes, sorry, I should have been clearer. We come from Kent originally. Dh and I moved to Scotland and then my parents moved up there as well, over 20yrs ago. But now I'm abroad and my dad is dead so mum is alone.

The situation is somewhat complicated because mum isn't the biological mother of my older sis and bro. But their mother died when sis was 4 and bro 10mths so she's the only mother they know. We've all had issues with her over the years but she's nearly 80 now and I think they should show a bit of compassion.

Bozza · 08/03/2007 10:13

Hmm I think you are right suedonim - she might not be their biological mother but she brought them up which should count for something surely?

Original poster
expatinscotland · 08/03/2007 10:17

My mother found a last minute flight from Houston to here for $267 just yesterday.

Return.

But it's literally jump in the car and go, which she can do, barring social engagements.

Oh, and buying a new car and the like.

OP posts:
brimfull · 08/03/2007 10:23

I really hope my children don't decide to live halfway across the world from me.I do feel guilty about it at times.
Dd has dual citizenship...maybe will destroy all the paperwork and never mention it again.

suedonim · 08/03/2007 11:07

You'd have thought, Bozza. Tbh, I try not to think about it too much otherwise I just get all fired up. But I sometimes feel like having a tantrum and shouting 'It's not FAIR'.

Wow, that price is amazing, Expat!!!! Maybe once dh is retired...though we'll still have dd at home until he's 70. I get so annoyed with fares. They advertise them at fabbie prices but when you try to book them, it's gone up by a zillion per cent. I think I need Janh to track down cheap tickets, she's a whizz at internet bargains!

meowmix · 08/03/2007 11:19

oh so many things

MIL's inability to add three hours to the time and therefore constant calls at 8pm UK time. Everytime she says " oh is it later there?" YES, and you are truly too stupid to be left unattended.

MILs total lack of understanding that I am not going to take 2 weeks holiday just because she is here because if I do that I will get no time in the UK later this year to see my friends (and will end in middle east jail for murder of irritating female)

Constant pointing out of people in Arab dress. Yes they wear Arab dress. They're Arabs. In Arabia. Shocking.

Asking what the toilets are like (I send photos of the ones in the house to anyone who asks - what are they expecting, holes in the sand?)

Asking if they have to wear the hajib. Next time I'm just going to say yes.

and my all time visitor bugbear "oooooh isn't the weather nice, oh it'll be lovely in the summer." No, if its 30 degrees in January its bastard hot in August. Come back then if you like.

paulaplumpbottom · 08/03/2007 12:07

Lol Meomix! Where is it you live if you don't mind me asking?

suedonim · 08/03/2007 12:17

Hehehe, parents just can't get it right - they either don't ask any questions or they ask the wrong ones, lol!

DaddyCool · 08/03/2007 13:31

that's nothing hana. yesterday's trip to work was in -22 with a windchill of -36.

I live right on Lake Ontario and the wind wips straight off the lake, up my road and into my face!

+2 or +3 for the next few days though. that's it over. they'll shut down the skiing in two weeks and it'll be +20 by the end of April.

I'm glad the spring is short here. I hate spring. too hot to do winter things, too cold to do summer things.

DaddyCool · 08/03/2007 13:33

oh and yes, the resentful friends. DW's friends are a bit like that.

And I hated the whole "OMG! you're mad!" stuff when we left. that's all we got "you're mad!" constantly.

They couldn't believe we were selling and going over without any job, house or anything.

It really wasn't that risky. I'm Canadian, my parents are here, I could have got work straight away in Toronto and the house money is banked.

Pretty low risk endevour really but of course we're still "all mad!"

Earlybird · 08/03/2007 13:34

DaddyCool - are you sorry you moved?

DaddyCool · 08/03/2007 13:38

Oh No. We might come back and we really had to do this to get it out of our system. We're only renting with a breakable lease, I can get similar paying jobs no matter where we go.

Oh no, this move wasn't set in stone. We're all set to come back if we want.

The difficult bit is making the decision to stay or go. We think about it every day. We just don't know what is best.

There's so many pros and cons. I think if I was to go to Australia or NZ (which I've been trying to convince DW of for years) I would probably want to stay and never look back but Canada is a different issue. I don't think it's much better here than the UK but of course pros and cons - some big ups and some big downs and it's impossible to make a final decision.

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