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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Original poster

emigrating blues, will I be alright?

19 replies

Abskil33 · 25/01/2015 23:27

I'm moving away, a long way away with my two young pre school age children and husband. Financially and our prospects it's the best move and the lifestyle will be great. I can't stop getting upset about leaving my mum. It's happening soon and I'm devastated. I was just hoping somebody else has done this and it will be OK. Thanks x

OP posts:
Misspickle1 · 25/01/2015 23:28

Take her with you Smile

Misspickle1 · 25/01/2015 23:30

Awwww your poor mum Sad losing all of you in one go!
I'd be devastated if it were my dd.
I'm sorry lol this is not helpful I know.

Does your mum know how to use Skype?

Original poster
Abskil33 · 25/01/2015 23:34

Yep Skype, viber the lot. She will visit it's just unbearable thinking about it. I know I will speak to her. I guess I have to grow up at 35!

OP posts:
50ShadesofGreyMatter · 25/01/2015 23:55

I sympathise, my Mum passed away before I emigrated and I honestly don't think I could have gone were she still alive.

Have you always been keen to go apart from this or are you "going along with it"? If it's the latter you need to have a very long, hard think about it. I'm not saying there's no going back but if you wanted to go home and husband didn't, you potentially would not be able to leave with your children and depending on the country the outcome of that could be very bad indeed. I'm not trying to scare you but you need to be sure, good luck.

fizzycolagurlie · 26/01/2015 01:09

Its hardest to leave your mum I think, than anything else. I speak to mine on the phone for about 20 mins each day. It helps. Also Skype - but sometimes seeing them can make you more upset at the start, be warned! But it does get easier, especially if you can visit one another.

Nolim · 26/01/2015 08:16

If you can set up regular calls so she can see you and her grandchildren.

Nolim · 26/01/2015 08:16

I meant skype calls

Coconutty · 26/01/2015 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SomeSunnySunday · 27/01/2015 19:29

It is hard, but Skype etc make the world smaller. I'd also really recommend reading up on culture shock - it's an actual "thing", and you will almost certainly hit a low point, probably about 3-6 months after you move, where the shiny newness of everything wears off and you start to miss home desperately. It's part of a process, and it passes, but knowing that its normal, and knowing what to expect, has always helped me.

DarceyBustle · 28/01/2015 02:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gingerfluffball · 28/01/2015 02:42

I've done this :) moved countries a year and a half ago and feel pretty settled now. I was close with my mum before the move but surprisingly feel closer now due to the effort we have to make to stay in touch. Plus no arguments from seeing each other too much Smile Whatsapp is a great free way to send texts, photos and videos if your mum would be on board with that and regular Skypes are good too.

Expect a bit of the blues for the first few months, culture shock is definitely a thing even in countries v similar to the UK, and just bear in mind it will pass eventually. Plus when you do move, make an effort to remind yourself of all the things you are doing and enjoying that you couldn't have done back home (lifestyle, weather etc) to counter all the inevitable things you will be missing at the start.

And if you can, budget to fly your mum over. I did this with my sister recently and it cheered me up no end, best way to spend the money.

stolemyusername · 28/01/2015 03:30

You'll be fine, you will have bad days but you'll cope.

Get out and make friends as quickly as you can, toddler groups etc and keep busy! Treat it as an extended holiday to start with with new experiences and make plans for your mum to come and visit.

We're 3 years into our move now and I'm generally ok with being so far away, but I have to admit I cried like a baby when my dad went home after his visit last year.

jmojo · 28/01/2015 03:33

I agree. I moved away almost 5yrs ago at 34 to be with my now husband. My mum and I were incredibly close but in truth we talked more after than we did when I lived in the UK. And she loved coming over for holidays! Use skype and whats app as suggested above.
Sadly my mum died very suddenly recently, but even now I don't regret the move because I know how happy it made my mum to see me happy and living my life to the full. We missed each other but it just makes you appreciate each other more.
And yes I went through the slump too, at 6 months up to just after my first year. The culture and language where I live is different from the UK and whilst the country is amazing it takes a while to get used to things.

Goodkingwalkingslass · 14/02/2015 23:18

I could have written your post. Just told my mum that it's certain we will be emigrating with our two young kids later this year. She's gutted, upset and can't talk about it. I feel like crying and want to change my mind about going but I know it's too late now ??????

JeanSeberg · 14/02/2015 23:21

Is your mum single? Retired? Still working? I'd encourage to move too depending on what stage of life she's at.

Alligatorpie · 15/02/2015 00:37

I have been away 4 years and I miss my mom a lot. But, my huge guilt is that my dd's are missing out on having her around. We FaceTime once a week and email regularly. We also see them twice a year, at least, but it is hard.
It does get easier, try to focus on the good stuff.
And it's a lovely thought, but how many people really take their mom with them when they emigrate? The cost, the visas...i am surprised people think this is a realistic option but I guess it depends on where you are moving to. Good luck OP.

SwedishEdith · 15/02/2015 00:59

Why would the mum move anyway?

fizzycolagurlie · 15/02/2015 02:18

I do love my mum to bits and as I have said, we speak every day. But to have her in the house would be utterly maddening for both of us. I would become my 14 year old self and I would be spoken to as such. Its just the natural course of families - when you're old enough, you move out.

JeanSeberg · 15/02/2015 08:11

Depending on her circumstance, no reason why the mum couldn't move and start a new life there. Doesn't have to be in the same house.

Lots of people move to be nearer their kids and grandkids and makes sense to do it while she's still fit and active, assuming that's the case.

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