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Living overseas

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Original poster

Help I'm really struggling.

125 replies

mamaplusbabies · 15/01/2015 06:13

I recently moved to a very poor country where my husband comes from and it's been a complete disaster.

Our flat is ok, good standard but we have no money and my parents in law are taking over my life and my children.

Children are beaten here and I don't like this but no one seems to care what I think or feel.

We don't have a lot of food and what we are eating / drinking is making us ill as we have constant diarreah and nausea. Today we don't have any more drinking water so I have had to boil the tap water and we are drinking that. I don't have a car or any money so I can't go out. We have 3 eggs left and that's it. My husband has gone out to look for money. I have no more nappies for the baby.

I feel such a fool as I've given up an OK life in the UK for this - being promised it would be for the best.

I haven't seen my 4 year old since yesterday afternoon I think he is with my sister in law.

I just hate it here and I really don't know how I can get out. I don't have any family of my own to talk to and I just keep bursting into tears every 5 minutes!

OP posts:
Original poster
mamaplusbabies · 15/01/2015 08:40

The house was going to be repossessed. We gave them our new contact details but we didn't actually file for bankruptcy as we couldn't afford the fees.

OP posts:
antimatter · 15/01/2015 08:45

your creditors can apply on your behalf if I understand well
www.gov.uk/bankruptcy/overview

Did you consider it? Or did your H do all the paperwork and made you believe that you can't afford to be bankrupted in UK? You could have gone via council to get accommodation and start living without fear of creditors.
Was he working in UK?

TheHoneyBadger · 15/01/2015 08:48

i don't think there's anything anyone can say that can make you feel worse about the choices you've made to get where you are than actually being where you are is making you feel about them so hopefully no one will.

i wish i could think of wonderful positive things to say but it is a seriously shit situation you're in. i'm sat in sinai and can see sa across the gulf of aqaba as i sit having a drink and often turn over in my mind the difference less than thirty miles can make.

you are going to have to find some deep inner resources now x

pupsiecola · 15/01/2015 08:50

I am so sorry about the situation you are in. I have no advice or experience to offer, but my heart is breaking for you. Stay strong xx

Laptopwieldingharpy · 15/01/2015 08:52

What hello said. Keep a regular routine while you figure it out. . There mners in SA. Maybe one of then near you who could alert the consulate & relay advice to you?
Lovely SA mners, surely one of you could help? Maybe post for OP in other forums to gather info to relay here or by PM for her?
Good God what were you thinking? Am so sorry for your circumstances I know your options must have been limited. Please hang in there.
Try and figure out where passports are. Don't remove them but make copies, photos, write number etc....
Try and befriend neighbors wives/daughters just so that you are not totally isolated. Am sure there will be one or 2 good people in the lot. Learn the language as quickly as you can.
It's unlikely to be a quick way out so just use all your time to become very aware of your environment, who to trust or not etc....
All this will be useful to find your way out.
sad

SolomanDaisy · 15/01/2015 08:56

Is your husband happy in SA or might he agree to return to the UK with you? Your financial problems can be sorted if you can get back to the UK, but you're going to need to persuade him.

feesh · 15/01/2015 08:58

Do you need an exit permit to leave? (I live in qatar and we don't here,EXCEPT if we are married to a local). Also do the kids need to travel with dad to leave the country?

antimatter · 15/01/2015 09:12

feesh - "The father's approval is needed for a child to be able
to leave the country"

HelloItsStillMeFell · 15/01/2015 09:27

but feesh you do still need your H's permission to leave. Not from his sponsor, but from him. I am in Qatar too. Smile

I think the OP's best bet is to think long term and work on fabricating some situation that will lure him back to the UK. The promise of some money will do it, by the sounds of things. She needs to convince him that they can get £££ out of returning. I think she should tell him to let her go back as a supposedly single/separated woman, she can housing benefit and all other benefits that a lone mum would get, she can't be expected to pay off the debts if she is not earning any money, she could tell him she has found a way to file for bankruptcy that is free/cheap, and that she will come back to SA and keep claiming the money fraudulently or something. Or the dead millionaire maiden aunt. Grin

Actually mama could you fabricate a situation where your mother comes back into your life, (or has died) and left you money? Say you need to go back to see as solicitor to claim it?

HelloItsStillMeFell · 15/01/2015 09:28

Sorry, what I meant was, you don't need him to issue an exit permit but he will be notified by text when you pass through immigration.

HelloItsStillMeFell · 15/01/2015 09:29

That was to feesh about Qatar

HelloItsStillMeFell · 15/01/2015 09:41

How about you find someone to pose as your mother. She will give you money but she want to meet the children so you have to go home and take them with you.

I'm sure there's an MNer in the UK willing to be your 'mother' for a while.Smile

SolomanDaisy · 15/01/2015 09:51

I think that's a good idea about the benefits etc. as a way to persuade him to let you return to the UK.

MurielWoods · 15/01/2015 10:00

Oh god what an awful situation Sad

I think you have been given some really good advice here, I don't know what else to suggest.

I am UK based if you need a contact here x

HellKitty · 15/01/2015 10:25

This is such an awful situation, I love the idea of someone pretending to be your mum on the proviso of seeing the DCs.

EilisLiomoid · 15/01/2015 10:35

This is awful. I am in the UK. If you PM me I will help with any of the following:

  • I will write letters to help with plans like that of Gordon and HelloItsStillMe.
  • I will do web searches for you and send you information in text format that is not data hungry. Ask me specific questions and I will research them and compile the info clearly for you in low-cost formats.
  • I will contribute to costs of internet, travel, legal advice to help get you back to UK.
antimatter · 15/01/2015 10:39

EilisLiomoid - this is your first post on this forum - what brought you to this particular thread?

EilisLiomoid · 15/01/2015 10:49

this is not my first post! I'm all over the place

magimedi · 15/01/2015 10:50

I'm sure there's an MNer in the UK willing to be your 'mother' for a while

I'd be very wary of entering a deception with someone I had only 'met' on the internet.

HelloItsStillMeFell · 15/01/2015 11:04

Of course I would agree with you magi but with basic common sense and some simple precautions I don't see how exchanging a few harmless emails or facebook messages with another woman can hurt. No-one's asking anyone to actually meet her, pretend to any authorities or government organisations that they are related, or to hand over their bank details.

HelloItsStillMeFell · 15/01/2015 11:08

Ellis It's extremely kind of you to offer financial contributions but the OP hasn't asked for that and as we cannot verify her identity or her story it's best not to bring money into it at this stage. It would probably result in the thread being deleted and people accusing her of trolling or trickery.

Your practical help is much more valuable at this stage and what you have offered to do is really very kind. Flowers

HelloItsStillMeFell · 15/01/2015 11:11

Ah - I see that your offer has already drawn suspicion! Eilis people will (understandably) question whether you are in collusion with the OP to extract money from MNers with a tragic sob story. I am sure you are not, but it wouldn't be the first time so people will be wary the second £££ is mentioned.

EilisLiomoid · 15/01/2015 11:15

ok I get that caution, I was just thinking I wouldn't mind lobbing a small amount I can afford toward the cause (on the basis that if it is made up, then presumably that real person is themselves in some kind of unfortunate position) but I hadn't processed the wider implications of bringing money into the question, so yes I get that now, thanks

antimatter · 15/01/2015 11:22

Apologies EilisLiomoid - you are now coming up in my search Smile

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 15/01/2015 11:42

Oh God - I'm scared about you making up stories about wills etc. what if your Husband insisted on speaking to the law firm

I think your best bet is to say that you've been looking into the benefit system and want to return because of that. For God's sake don't go and leave one child behind, if he suggests that. If he wants to take the children to see his family, grit your teeth and say you want to go too as you would love to forge a close relationship with SIL/MIL etc.

You need it dig really deep now for your DC

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