Living in America 2014

[rootypig]

Shiny new thread. After an epic visa fuck up we are starting out (again!) in LA in a few weeks. I am English, DH is American (from southern California), DD is 21mo. I am going back to work after several unintentional years out and terrified. No clue what I want to do, which doesn't help.

Come chat about all things American!

I agree mathanxiety. The woman who runs the toddler art classes at the local library was telling me that when her son started school it was common for parents of boys to defer them starting kindergarten by a year to allow them to "catch up" socially and emotionally with their girl peers. She was really shocked that summer born babies start school just after their 4th birthday in England.

However, we do have to go back to London so it will be an issue. I suppose I can thank my lucky stars that he's an autumn baby so we have an extra 10 months to try and get him "ready". At the moment he won't even hold a pencil for more than 30 seconds so trying to teach him myself would be a hopeless cause.

If you get a nice easel and plenty of chalk (Ikea does them but you can find them in Target and Walmart, esp coming up to Christmas) , with maybe a dry erase board on the other side, he may find he gets interested in scribbling letters. If you don't mind the mess, you could get a sand table where he could do games like drawing shapes from cards, or shapes of dinosaurs, or shapes of random household objects, or just running his fingers through it.. Or put paint into a big ziplock bag and land lay it flat and he can make shapes or letters or numbers in it.

I have seen many engaging and interesting activities for preschoolers posted on Pinterest. I wish I had had Pinterest when mine were smaller :

Lego listening game

Another Lego game

Painting over chalk letters with water on a blackboard

There are lots of math activities too.

Hello!
Sorry but can I slightly hijack this thread for holiday advice?
Planning 2-3 weeks next summer. We already did California north/south & centre.
We are looking for iconic itineraries, lots of outdoor space but in confort, we are not exactly campers.
Would you mind sharing what's on your bucket list?
We are thinking either NY then colonial tour & Maine or North Carolina beaches
or
Fly into SF and into big spaces like Colorado/montana, lakes, mountains and maybe a ranch stay?
The latter would be easier as we are flying in from Asia. Kids are 10 & 6.
Please tell me off if I intrude.....

Laptop why don't you start a thread and then post the link here for people to follow?

(I can't give any advice, I don't know the US at all really, but I would love to do Montana, I love lakes and big sky)

I stayed at the Sylvan Dale Ranch near Loveland CO once -- a lovely place. I had what I think was probably pneumonia at the time and stayed in bed in a state of delirium for all but the last two days. The cook sent over a gorgeous fresh pot of soup for me every day. The DCs had a blast. The staff/guides were fantastic.

Mathanxiety thank you! Exactly what we're looking for!
Rootypig, will do thanks!

I found some great worksheets on greatschools.org for preK and Target have some wipeable books that are good for children learning to trace, eventually leading to 'drawing' letters. DD has done well with them and I really like that they are wipeable.

We have made progress this week with the new home. I spent $900 on fitting out two closets at the container store. There is about $750 of profit in that for them but I am at the stage of not caring. Finally I can put my clothes away!

Hello all, back again but under a name change

Slightly old topic but I too live close to my inlaws with my family back in the uk. At times it's great, at times it's awful. It was particularly rubbish when dd was born and was a young baby: I just wanted my own parents around, not a woman who didn't really know me and who had (has!) no concept of boundaries. On the other hand, my parents are impossible people and dh's parents are very relaxed, so now the pg/birth/newborn phase is over, it works out well. It is also great that each year we can spend thanksgiving (which is the big holiday here) with my inlaws and Xmas with mine, so we get to see everyone.

As for oatcakes: get thee to a Whole Foods! Ruinously expensive but they do have them. Or get visitors to bring them, they are just the thing as they are affordable, small and light.

Hi everyone! Well, a bit of a setback today as DH was asked to resign from his job. We don't know why and they haven't said but we're moving forwards and have decided to go home. The company will pay for the relocation but we have to organise it ourselves. So, any advise on shipping companies? Any you'd recommend or not recommend?
So much to think about but it may be for the best. I don't think I'd have ever been a South Texas gal anyway!

and what an upheaval -- hope your DH is alright. They should really give him a reason or he may find it hard to get over. He should ask for some sort of glowing reference no matter what.

No advice on shipping companies from me I'm afraid. Do you have a home to move back to?

Thanks Mathanxiety. Luckily we were having problems finding tenants for our house so we do have a home, thank goodness.
We're trying to understand the implications on things like rental house here, getting rid of our cars, etc.
We feel pretty positive about it at the moment as we weren't looking to stay in South Texas for long anyway.
It was handled in an apalling way IMO. He has only had positive feedback since we've been here, he's been with the company for 15 years but we agreed to a local contract when we moved here so lost our UK employment rights. I think an American employee would sue the company under these circumstances but we're not going to stay here just to do that. He'll speak to HR again next week to agree on the reference, etc.
we're going to NYC for a long weekend tomorrow for some much needed civilisation!

I think you hit the nail on the head with the face fitting Alpaca. We don't hunt, fish or go to church and this has been a massive problem for his boss.
Life goes on and I think it will work out well. We've had 3 good expat years and now back to reality! And Sainsbury's!!

MrsCRabbit I am so sorry this has happened. American corporate culture is a beast and being British is usually a hinderance rather than an asset. I moved to a huge international company that is HQ'd in the UK just because I have a greater chance of fitting in. I just moved to the NYC office and I just don't fit in at all. I have zero in common with those managing me. They are all in their late 20's or early 30's with no responsibilies outside of their job. I am managing a house, two kids, a dog plus my job.

If he was asked to resign that is pretty bad and stupid on their part as if they laid him off it is much harder to sue. The fact they are paying for your return to the UK is an indication that they are worried you will sue so I would be asking for a month's salary for each year your DH has worked for the company (for time in the UK and the US). This is very reasonable and customary (as an auditor I have audited far too many severance accruals in recent years). Is it worth him speaking to his old boss in the UK to see if he can get a position in the UK office and also see if they can extend their reach to find out exactly what happened? You might find he isn't the first person this has happened to and they might have a position for him in the UK.

Thanks Want2Be. That's really interesting what you say about getting the extra payout. They have offered 3 months salary but we have already asked for more so it's good to know that's the norm.
We were in China before we came here as they had closed down the UK plant (he's in manufacturing) so no chance of a job back home. He spoke to his old boss from China though (an American) and although he couldn't say too much as he's quite senior now, he basically said it was a stupid thing to do.
He's dealing with it remarkably well at the moment; I'm the one who's being all angry about it!
On the plus side, if we get the extra money, we've decided that the kids are coming out of school and we're off on a road trip!

If they offered him 3 months severance then go back for 18 months salary as severance plus relocation expenses. Quite frankly it is a joke to ask someone to resign. You either fire them or do a layoff. Also, explain that 18 months is the expected time for your DH to find another job in the UK. If he has been paid a bonus in prior years that should be part of the 'monthly' pay to calculate the severance.

Hello. Sorry to barge in - is anyone on here living in the Seattle area? I'm new to this thread and new to the idea of living in America. We hope to move from london next year.

I'd love some tips on good areas to live with preschoolers (DDs 2yrs and 4yrs). DH working in Belleview.

Also any views on finding part time work in marketing? I hope to have the right visa.

Exciting times, but lots of questions!

That's shit MrsC, it sounds as though he has been treated utterly shabbily. I really hope that you get the extra money and do your road trip - it would be the experience of a lifetime.

Welcome whogo, lots of very knowledgeable people here who'll help
The pacific northwest is spectacular!

Thanks both. He's being transferred, so yes I expect to have to wait a while until I can work, while applications happen from an L2.
Struggling to find any decent daycare options for the girls right now. So any advice from those enjoying the North West would be most welcome

who welcome. Something to consider is bringing a nanny with you. If you are being transferred there are visa's available for domestic workers that are very cheap compared to the au pair visas which cost $6k+. If were to move I would def want to bring our nanny with us for at least the first 3-6 months or longer if they were willing to stay. As homes are so much bigger here you have the option to do live-in. You can easily get a car for them for $5-10k. In the grand scheme of things your out of pocket expenses wont be much more than if you use daycare and you will have someone you can trust with your kids.

The northwest is a lovely part of a world. So much to do and places to see. You can easily drive up to Vancouver! Granville Island was a wonderful place to visit.

Thanks want2b. Yes excited about the lifestyle change and all the adventures.
We don't have a nanny here - DDs both go to nursery. Could we recruit one on arrival? Or too complicated?
I had hoped they could go to a nursery 3 days/wk for the social benefits, like here. Does that exist? I am blind to the options at the moment. But want to get some ideas before looking at housing so we get the right place.
Do nurseries exist in the same way as UK?!

Nursery's exist here and they call them daycare. The YMCA often have a daycare which is great because if you join as a family it is a one stop shop for all activities and meeting people. Bright Horizons is probably the most expensive daycare but they always have open spots.

I found hiring a nanny to be hard. I went through lots of illegal immigrants, spanish speakers, those outsmarted by a 3 year old and the sweet little church girl who tried it on with DH at interview. We lucked out when our neighbour asked if she could do it. Our nanny is a true nanny and doesn't do housekeeping. Nearly all Americans combine the roles.

If you want to hire a nanny once you get here I would def try to recuit someone from a prek program. Their wages are about $25k a year so with 2 or more DC they become very affordable and they are well educated. I have found excellent child care through calling the local community college and speaking to the department that run the childcare education program.

I would hesitate to bring a nanny along with you. Imo you need someone local with a driver's licence and local knowledge - parks, playgrounds, libraries, possibly local nanny friends who have children yours could play with. If you google nanny agencies you will probably find plenty of good candidates.

You can find a nursery when you get there either, or google nurseries in likely areas and see if there are waiting lists. Nurseries are called daycare centers and many take children from 6 weeks to 5 years. In my area many are located in storefront type premises or purpose built sites (mainly chains in the latter case), and there are also home based operations that would be called childminding services in the UK. If you google preschool childcare and add the name of the municipality you are considering, you may get a list of places, both home and dedicated premises child care. There are also Montessori or other independent type schools (Catholic schools or YMCA for instance) that may offer preschool care for children aged 2 and up but Montessori tends to be expensive.

the sweet little church girl who tried it on with DH at interview

!