Living in America 2014

[rootypig]

Shiny new thread. After an epic visa fuck up we are starting out (again!) in LA in a few weeks. I am English, DH is American (from southern California), DD is 21mo. I am going back to work after several unintentional years out and terrified. No clue what I want to do, which doesn't help.

Come chat about all things American!

Note to others - don't ever buy anything for delivery from home depot if you live in a home with awkward spaces.

Apparently GE home services can't lift a machine over a banister. I then offered to lift it with the owner of the bar next door. Apparently if we did that they could not install it. No idea why and the delivery guy was clearly not interested in working. The guy then called me a whore in Spanish at which point I told him to FO out of my house. So tomorrow is going to be extra special fun as DH and I run down to sears to pick up the same washer dryer in our car! At least I will be better dressed for hauling a washer dryer down the stairs. Our course today I was wearing my most expensive suit (lovely new St John knitted suit) which now needs a trip to the cleaner after this afternoon!

Want2be that's awful! Hope you have complained massively!

Hi all, may I join in?
It looks like we'll be moving to DH's hometown of Baltimore soon: his new employer wants him by the start of November.

My head is spinning with all the practicalities that must be sorted, but my biggest headache is schools.

Our kids are 8,5 and 3, and we know the area we'd like to be but obviously no idea about which school. Do we just pick one nearest to a rental home or do I just wait till we get there, accept they'd be out of school for a while, visit a few and then pick home + school? (We can stay with in laws for a few weeks or so). I know schools are 100% based on catchment.

Ideally we'd visit first, but it's tight with both time and money. DH will be going first (my work requires 8 weeks notice) but he can't really take time off to visit schools when starting a new job, and I'd ideally like to see school/house before we commit.

Any thoughts welcome.

You need to research schools and district boundaries before you look for somewhere to live. Sometimes an elementary school district will have several schools in it, and will be divided into sub-catchments (or sub districts). These work the same as districts (catchments) -- so once you find a school, be sure you will get in. Some districts operate a lottery. The picture can be further confused by public charter and magnet schools where admission is selective.

In addition to all that, your 8 year old will be heading to middle school after finishing 5th grade or perhaps after 4th grade, depending on where you live, so you need to look at middle schools and high schools. Often an area with good elementary schools will have good middle schools.

That being said, you need to have some glimmer of an idea where to look.

www.bestplaces.net/backfence/viewcomment.aspx?id=8945D9FF-E924-4BEB-A65B-8CC58B27AA2C&city=Baltimore_MD&p=52404000

www.frontdoor.com/places/5-great-neighborhoods-in-baltimore

www.baltimoremagazine.net/2011/3/the-ultimate-neighborhood-guide

www.yelp.com/topic/baltimore-looking-for-neighborhood-to-raise-family-in-greater-baltimore-area

Schools:

www.greatschools.org/maryland/baltimore/

money.cnn.com/blogs/bplive/2006/07/columbiaellicott-city-md.html

www.schooldigger.com/go/MD/schoolrank.aspx

www.neighborhoodscout.com/md/schools/

www.localschooldirectory.com/top-schools/schools/elementary/MD

www.zillow.com/md/schools/

The good news is that Maryland schools in general have a good reputation.

If it's your DH's home town he probably has an idea of the lie of the land, where to avoid, what places are nice, and what might be affordable.

DD1 lives in DC and likes the region a lot.

Thanks math & alpaca for your kind help.
I think we've narrowed it down to 4 schools but I feel like I need to see them myself to be sure, and of course then we have to choose the rental home!

DD and I love to ride so we fancy being in horse country, but at the same time I wonder if being in the really rural parts might feel too isolated in reality. I feel like I need to be there to decide.

Any suggestions on questions to ask schools or tips on how to help the kids settle in welcome. Any big differences between US and UK schools?

No uniforms is one great improvement over UK (and Irish) schools imo. (Unless you are thinking of going private). School buses are another.

Maybe ask if living in-district and within the catchment of a certain school guarantees you a place? Or if children are bussed around a district?

This is probably true more of the DC area than Baltimore, but schools are used to children arriving and leaving thanks to parents being moved around in government service. A neighbour of mine had to spend a year in DC and his family went with him. The school the DCs attended had lots of other families in the same position and for varying periods.

You might ask about student and staff turnover. Teaching is a popular profession for armed services wives and government service wives because it is relatively easy to find a job in another state if your spouse is moved. DD4's lovely kindergarten teacher left for Washington when her Army husband was posted there.

Evening all, sorry to butt in, but I wondered if anyone on here could give me any advice about things to consider in our decision of whether or not to relocate from UK to Detroit?

I started a thread here but haven't had any replies yet. We need to make a decision in principle asap but are going round in circles! Thanks.

Nicobean: every school system is different. In the case of Baltimore, i am pretty sure there is a Baltimore city school system, and Baltimore county school system. Both should have websites, and real estate agents should be helpful.

Most do still operate by geographic location/catchment system, but that district may be quite large, or even include neighborhoods quite far away, in order to get a racial balance as required by the fed govt for certain funding. Most systems allow you to request out of district placement, but there is often a waiting list just as here. Some systems also have 'magnet' schools designed to be applied from across the system, they often have a special focus: languages, science, the arts, or sometimes a year round schedule, which can be very useful as there are several multi-week breaks, great for travels back to the UK.

Thank you! That's really helpful. He would be moving with his uk employer but we're not sure if they'd be transferring him to the US entity so those are useful pointers about the t&cs and medical cover!

Is the weather awful? We heard you cannot go out/let the kids play out for months on end, but we're not sure how serious this is?

That sounds tough on the job front. I was hoping to be able to find some sort of work. I have a degree and work in a professional office role here so not sure that would help or not?

Also, what are the facilities and activities like for pre schoolers? We are used to doing waterbabies and ballet and so on and I'm worried about whether there will be the same opportunities for them (and for me to meet other mums!).

Here's a blog you might find interesting that talks about life in the US: aussiegirlinamerica.blogspot.com/ There's a post about winter in there somewhere... I think you can search for it.

Few pointers with winter:

• Get a humidifier. The furnace dries out the air so much you'll get dry skin and (in my case) itchy!
• Buy your winter gear here, SO cheap!
• Yes you will be "trapped" in the house sometimes. It doesn't snow all day/week/winter but it'll be really cold and sometimes the plows take a while to get out. Blizzards can mess with your TV if you have satellite (that's why we have cable). We had a snow blower for the first time last winter and it's not perfect but after a blizzard it's a lot better than shoveling!

I live in a similar climate -- kids go out and enjoy the cold and summer heat alike. The nice thing about the US is the easy availability of suitable cold weather clothes and boots that enable DCs to get out and spend hours sledding or building forts, etc. Depending on where you live, you might be close to a public rink or ski slope. For summer, public pools are a blessing, and in Michigan there are fantastic sandy beaches and lovely resorts where you can get away very cheaply. I spend $50 per child for an unlimited pool pass and another for a rink pass that gets us through summer and winter. In addition there are organised school sports and park district sports, and kids get out and play street hockey on skates, or basketball in backyards and alleys. Or just ride bikes around.

Snow gets a little old after a while, and that's really the only thing that keeps kids out of it. Intense heat with air quality advisories is more dangerous. You are more likely to have kids indoors a few days at a stretch in summer.

city-data . com discussion board

Another one

I am sure the Detroit metro area is not too different from where I am wrt preschool activities -- they abound here. You can google each suburb you are interested in and take a look at the Park District offerings, also google terms like 'Farmington Hills baby ballet' or 'preschool music/gymnastics/skating/art/swimming - etc' and see what you come up with.

Hi everyone, I have just started thinking about Christmas. We were here last Christmas but had only just arrived so things were up in the air anyway but I felt a bit deflated about Christmas in the US. How does everyone else feel? Any tips on how to make it more like Christmas?

I try to keep food as home-like as possible. I do pumpkin pie too, but as much as possible I like to replicate Christmas food from Ireland -- mince pies, sometimes a pudding if my mother sends one over, meringues, Christmas log, roast instead of mashed potatoes. I do sweet potatoes but no marshmallows on top. None of the DCs like trifle so I make tiramisu. We are usually dealing with snow here so that helps.

I love Christmas here - we went home one christmas and rushed around trying to see everyone. It was not fun! Don't get me wrong - I loved christmas in England before we moved. But fitting in everything into a 14-day visit isn't simple.
Here it's just family, we spend the day with our son, leisurely opening pressies, walk on the beach, have a relaxed dinner with all the trimmings. we do plan to move back one day, and I know that Christmas then will involve visiting tons of relatives (we have huge families) so I try and make the most of these little Christmases, where we can let my son play with his toys rather than rushing him straight off to a grandparents house. It is different as we live somewhere sunny. But not bad. And yes we also have a very British meal - even when it's hot outside.
One thing I would say is I really miss boxing day!! Such a shame it doesn't exist here, I want a day to recover from Christmas!!
Oh and hi! This is the first time I've posted here, I have lived n LA for nearly five years.

Hi Gin! there are a few of us in LA. where in town do you live?

I like Christmas here, DH's extended family is lovely unlike his mother and we spend the day with them, a huge rowdy lot who get together at DH's wonderful grandparents' house - both absolving me of responsibility for Christmas dinner and solving my MIL problem (not her side of the family; parents separated) in one fell swoop . They do roast beef, which I don't mind after the Thanksgiving turkey fest (also at grand parents in law).

That said I am going to have to fight hard to spend Christmas Eve / morning at home in LA and not at MIL's in Orange County euch, which would make sense as the lovely in laws are also in OC. First Christmas here with DD (nearly 2) and MIL is obsessed with her. To such a degree I do slightly dread holidays and birthdays.

Anyone else geographically close to their in laws here, but not their own family? It can make me so sad, and cross.

Anyway more cheerily and true to my overweening food obsession, I am currently soaking fruit for my Christmas cake in a bottle of rum, and have some glade cherries in the post from England. Am going to make my own mincemeat this year I think - do you do that math?

Gin boxing day is a running joke between me and american DH, he thinks it's such a funny name and excellent concept

I cheat and keep jars of Chivers in the fridge. I have discovered they last indefinitely as long as I keep on turning them over every few months. When the time comes to make mince pies I grate apple into the mincemeat and mix it in. My mum sent me some vegetable suet so I could make my own but as long as I still have a stash of Chivers I am going to hold off. I don't fancy using vegetable shortening and proper suet is hard to come by here.

I am 8-9 hours by car from the exILs. We used to go to them always for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but it got to be a lot of hassle as my family expanded (hard to transport Santa stuff there and back on the plane or fit everything into the car) and also where they live they are prone to freezing rain/ice storms that seem to strike right after Christmas, and getting home was always iffy whether by plane or car. Then getting closer to home, we usually found ourselves driving through snow. I never really liked going away because coming back to a house that has been shut up for a week at Christmas was pretty depressing. The first year we told exMIL we were staying home she nearly had a fit, but it was a really nice, comfortable, pajamas til noon sort of holiday and that is how it has been ever since.

Rootypig I live in the same small (pop. 300) town as my in-laws but it was only Christmas 2013 that had us spending time together (MIL and SIL's don't treat me very well and my husband is more than okay with saying "F* them all".

The rest of my family (not many left) lives overseas so I'd be on Skype in the afternoon/evening on Christmas Eve watching the family open presents. If we had kids I'd let them open the presents from them or maybe a few others to feel involved.

Christmas itself is normally nothing beside my husband and I unwrapping presents and Christmas lunch/dinner by ourselves ... but last year we went to my in-laws which wasn't bad (except we'd been estranged for so long we didn't take presents but they had some for us :S Hindsight!).

I like putting the tree up, Christmas/winter scents, decorating the house... all that's missing is a roaring fireplace...

Hey y'all! It's gone a bit quiet round here....

I have a question about education here. We were due to return to the UK in the spring of next year, which would be part-way through DS's reception year (in a British school), but now DH is talking about possible staying until the summer. That way DS could do a full year of public school pre-K here (academic year runs from May to August here in OK), and start UK year 1 in the September after we return. What I need to know is, when do children generally learn to read and write here in the US? Do they wait until kindergarten, or is it something they might start in pre-k? Although it's some way off I'm already starting to fret about him missing all of his reception year.

On a completely unrelated subject, has anyone found a decent oatcake over here? I miss Nairns!

In my experience they sometimes start on writing letters, maybe writing their name and simple words and doing a little informal sounding out in pk4, but will do some phonics and more writing in Kdg. Then in First grade the phonics gets more intense and writing is emphasised. By the end of first grade they are all expected to be reading. A lot of schools do dolch words along with phonics in First grade and Kdg - approx 200 words that make up about 75% of the words on any given page of reading material aimed at children under age 8, and moreover words that often do not lend themselves to sounding out.

In the case of my own DCs two of them were reading just before they started in pk4, and the other three learned more or less in Kdg. All were flying by the time they got to First grade.

It has been my observation that it really didn't make a difference whether children learned to read at 4 or 7 in the long run

I think there is too much fretting about Reception reading in the UK, and too much pressure. I prefer the more relaxed US approach and the acceptance that children are all over the place academically until they turn 6 or 7.