Back to UK without kids, risk losing them? Legal advice pls

[Salbertina]

In quite a bad way. I need to regroup ideally, put out some feelers in UK- where to live/job situation, see a lawyer for initial advice. Thinking of flying back v soon for a few days, without kids as wd need dh's permission.
My question is would this jeopardise future custody/any claims? I am not sure am thinking straight but i cannot carry on as we are and am stuck. I need to become unstuck and find route out, with my kids. Pls any advice (or are you going to call me a selfish bugger?!)

Oh no Sal. :( are you out there on a permanent residency type visa? I am afraid I can't help much with the legal stuff - does your dh want to stay?

I know how terribly terribly hard it is. No judging from me - well I couldn't. Dc and I are here whilst dh is still in Australia.

Thanks, Son, sounds hard for you too? Meaning to split, dh much more settled here but resolved to leave fairly soon. I need to get things in motion though, am losing my mind!

I think if your h is planning to return too that it should make things easier.

Why not come home for a couple of weeks at Christmas 'as a family' and see how it feels?

It is coming up to the one year anniversary of being apart for us. It is v.hard, but the children don't miss Australia and that is what keeps me going - the knowledge that I made the right decision for us.

Hi Salbertina

I know from your posts you've been unhappy. It's very very hard when overseas, I know.

You need specialised legal advice- and it will depend on what passports your DC are on, where you are (I think RSA?)

I'm sorry things have got so bad that you are making this step

You are in the same part of the world as me I think?

I flew CPT - LHR a couple of months back, just me and the kids, and no-one asked to see permission from DH.

All the best. x

Have your bought about getting advice from an English lawyer over the phone from where you are? If you're able to use the phone without detection that is. Alternatively can you use the Internet to search for one in the UK and email them and ask for advice by email in the first instance? ( just ideas to avoid the risk of leaving without the kids - I know nothing about it).

I know from your previous posts how unhappy you are. You have my utmost sympathy. I too feel like I am losing my mind at the moment and my situation is nothing like yours, although I am stuck unhappily abroad.

I'm not a lawyer and I have no experience but I would urge you to be cautious before going anywhere without your DC. Like someone else suggested, can you go back to UK for a break with everyone? Also trying to get legal advice over the phone or internet is a good idea. Do you have any lawyer friends or friends of friends who are discreet enough to talk to?

Really good luck. This feeling of helplessness is brutal and I hope you can start to gain some control over your situation.

Thanks everyone, sincerely.
we cant afford to all fly back - peak season and be at least £4-5k just for flights...i just cant breathe here am v v close to breaking point and feel short stay w good friend on UK plus check out work/houses etc might ease atmosphere. If i tell him I'm going but will be back, maybe?

Sorry to hear, never thought was this bad.
Maybe just go home for a breather and get a bit of distance/perspective?
Is it really just being in SA or more or all compounded?

I can't see that a short trip would be a problem at all. If you stayed in UK for 6 mo without kids that would not be great but that's not what youre doing. My understanding is that if you were to return to uk with kids, your dh could protest but he'd have to fork out for lawyers which can run to hundreds of thousands so I guess you'd have to decide if that's likely. Also, what nationality are you and dh and what nationality are the kids?

Well am back for short trip. Shall see how it goes, dc with me, no problem.

You have my complete sympathy ... I currently can't decide what's for the best, go back to the uk and know that basically my kids will be forgotten and dickhead will live the single life and tell the next poor cow he hooks up with that I stole his children and more worryingly the children that they were snatched away from him. Or stay and force the bastard to be a father ... But at my expense

You know Mosman that to force him to be a good father will mean you have to do all the hard work, play peacemaker and advocate all in one, no doubt to the detriment of your health.

Feckless bloody men, we should stop enabling them. F**king drag us over here and turn into tosses.

Tossers obviously.