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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Original poster

DH has been offered a job in Singapore and I DON'T want to go!

96 replies

egypt · 28/06/2006 17:29

I've always known that this would be a possibilty since dh joined the company but kind of put it to the back of my mind, hoping it wouldn't ever come up. we have a 2 year old dd and love where we live in the uk. great friends, very close family who live 3 hours away?! dd has her little network of friends etc etc etc. we are trying for a second baby and have done the expat thing before having dd - in riyadh, saudi. we had a ball but i feel as though i've been there, done that. and i didnt want to do it in the first place, was just pushed along by dh. now i want to settle, have my family, have a stable and consistent upbringing for them and i am scared to death. have told dh all this and he is gutted that i am not happy about it but is still wanting to go! i am hurt that he is still wanting it knowing that i am totally against it. and i know that if i said i wasnt going he wouldnt but would always think 'what if' and i don't want to be the one to ruin everything. the main reason is my mum.. she is a great nanny and loves dd to bits. she doesnt work, doesnt see us much more than once a month, and it would totally destroy her. seriously. i can't do that to her.....but then should i be living my life to what she wants. ? help!?

OP posts:
Original poster
egypt · 28/06/2006 21:34

no go for it - i'm amazed i've started a thread that people are actually posting on.

OP posts:
SSSandy · 28/06/2006 21:35

think so

I'm in Germany and I would LOVE to be going to Singapore. In fact I'd be on the plane before dh finished the sentence: we're moving to Sing-

Original poster
egypt · 28/06/2006 21:35

how the heck do you travel often with 2? i'd dread dd on a plane. and a baby! maybe

OP posts:
moondog · 28/06/2006 21:36

You just grit your teeth and do it!

Chandra · 28/06/2006 21:36

Actually, thinking of it, I would also like to go! could do with a bit of sunshine.

Original poster
egypt · 28/06/2006 21:37

wish i could be like that sssandy. can i ask you all if you have a mum about? what is your relationship with her/her with your children? how does she feel about being far away etc

OP posts:
SSSandy · 28/06/2006 21:37

You fly the longest stretch at night and they mostly sleep. The 2 year old will watch a flight film and the baby will probably be fine.

moondog · 28/06/2006 21:39

My parents live in Saudi!
We are used to this way of life-have been doing it for 40 years (before I was born)
My other sister lives in France and is about to move to Martinique.

Despite all this,we are a very close family,spend lots of time together and are all very happy.

Original poster
egypt · 28/06/2006 21:41

aha found a currency converter. only £350 ish, but dont know about termly fees

OP posts:
QueenPeaHead · 28/06/2006 21:45

I lived in saudi for a year
have also lived in Hong Kong
never Sing though

Original poster
egypt · 28/06/2006 21:46

but the flight will be 12 hours! she'll go mental

OP posts:
Original poster
egypt · 28/06/2006 21:48

omg. we're talking about 1.5k a term plus the same again for enrolment. oh well. thats education. and it wont be until shes 3. have seen on older threads that its very expensive to run a car

OP posts:
Chandra · 28/06/2006 21:51

12 hours flights are not that bad once you get experience on them, flight back home range between 16 to 22 hours (with stopovers), and it's not as bad as I expected (or it may be that in terms of flights I have grown a thick skin)

Original poster
egypt · 28/06/2006 21:51

must get some sleep. havent slept well for 3 nights what with dh snoring and then this bombshell.

thanks for your help ...x

OP posts:
Original poster
egypt · 28/06/2006 21:51

where are you chandra?

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Blondilocks · 28/06/2006 21:52

There's a chance that OH will get a job abroad - possibly Hong Kong or Japan & I would go too, although the main thing that bothers me is the education for my LO. I feel that just because you don't see family it doesn't mean that you care any less about them & you can communicate quite easily.

You need to think of all the reasons for and against. 2 years will go VERY quickly, or will seem to. The main thing is you need to do what you want. If you won't be happy there's not much point in going.

Original poster
egypt · 28/06/2006 21:55

thanks blondilocks. the thing is i think i will be happy as i was in riyadh and that was a shock. but i know i will just cry until we go and my mum will find it so very very difficult. its the guilt thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
egypt · 28/06/2006 21:55

but you're right. communication is easy. she'll have to learn how to use the webcam!

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Ulysees · 28/06/2006 22:01

I'd be so excited to move somewhere like that. It sounds an ideal situation to me, much easier than if dd was school age. I'm sure your mum will support your choice (when you decide to listen to mners )

I think you'll regret it if you don't go and dh will resent you for it. I know he knew your opinion before but you know that men are really from mars?

singersgirl · 28/06/2006 22:17

Don't worry about Tanglin fees - there are lots of other English speaking schools and nurseries that are very good. DS2, from 2.5, went to a local Montessori run by an Australian with loads of British/Australian children, and he could have stayed there up to 7 - it was a great school and much cheaper than the big international schools.

DS1 did Reception and Y1 in Tanglin, and we loved it, but I knew lots of people with children at other, not so expensive schools.

It would be a brilliant experience. The food is fantastic. Right now I could do with dinner out at Indochine at Empress Place, or some soft shell crab temaki from Sushi Tei, or some roti mubarak from a hawker centre.

The turtles in the Eco-lake at the Botanic Gardens are wonderful. DS2 loved visiting them. The zoo and Night Safari are fab. We were members. There are loads of playgroups and toddler groups and baby classes to go to. You can get Waitrose products at Cold Storage and Marmite everywhere.

Feeling nostalgic now.

Ulysees · 28/06/2006 22:21

Where can I find a bloke who needs a wife and 2 kids and is going to singapore??

I'm sure my dh will enjoy holidays over there

suejonez · 28/06/2006 22:24

My mum and dad took us to africa in 1960's when we were 8,7 and 3 for 4 years. My mums parents REALLY didnt want us to go and my mum definitely didnt want to go (she was very close to her mum). They had a great time and still keep in touch with some of the friends they made.

But more importantly - I (who cares about them!)had a great time (I was the 3 yr old). It was an incredible experience without which I wouldn't be the same person that I am now even though I was so young.

I understand that you don't want to go, just wanted to let you that it could be fantastic for your dd.

eidsvold · 28/06/2006 23:02

I moved my family back to Australia - dh had no job and we had a house but a morgtage to pay, dd1 with special needs and another babe on the way.

We did it because I told dh I did not want to raise my children in England ( no offence intended just wanted a quality of life we could not have in the UK wihtout us both working and in debt up to our eyeballs) I took my IL's only grandchildren to the other side of the world and whilst they were sad they would miss dd1 ( and the unborn dd2) they realised it was a fabulous opportunity - especially for our dd1. They would never have dreamed of stopping us.

We stopped at Singapore on the way over and were amazed at how clean, organised, efficient and welcoming ( especially to families) it was.

12 hours flying is nothing. Get the afternoon flight out of heathrow and they can sleep all the way. Each time we flew to Aus from the UK that is what we did and dd1 slept all the way each time. You are about 5 hours from the top end of Australia and a short skip to so many other countries.

What a fabulous experience for your children to be residents of somewhere wonderful. It is not war torn, it is not full of pestilence, it is not suffering famine, political unrest and so on. IT is a beautiful place full of amazing things to do and see. If you are worried about the heat - everything is airconditioned.

MY mum is a terrible flyer - almsot has to be sedated to fly anywhere ( seriously) She has started flying to Melbourne to see my grandma who is quite ill as she wants to spend time with her before she passes. She now flies up to three times a year without being bothered by it.

It sounds like a fabulous opportunity for the whole family.

Cam · 28/06/2006 23:11

12 hours? I thought you get to Singapore in 8 nowadays?

By the way when I flew to Singapore as a kid it took 24 hours (British Airways Brittania - became obsolete a couple of years later to the DC10!)

We stopped over in Ceylon (now Sri Lanka) and Bombay.

I was given abook called Singapore Story when I won the form prize at school in Singapore in 1965 when I was 9, I kept it and now my 9 year old dd reads it and loves it!

MadamePlatypus · 28/06/2006 23:34

Is Singapore really more of a culture shock than Riyadh? My parents lived there for 5 years (I had left home by then), and it is very westernised. I agree that it is very far away from the UK, but I think I would feel less culture shock living there than many places in Europe (or even the UK!). I have great memories of going to stay with them - daily trips to the local beach for sailing and freshly squeezed mango juice.

I am with you on the grandparent thing though. Would it be feasible for your mum to come and visit you for long periods while you were out there? If she doesn't see you more than once a month now, but came out to stay with you for a whole month each year when you were overseas, she would actually see you more. (This is what I found when I went to stay with my parents).

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