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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

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Original poster

DH has been offered a job in Singapore and I DON'T want to go!

96 replies

egypt · 28/06/2006 17:29

I've always known that this would be a possibilty since dh joined the company but kind of put it to the back of my mind, hoping it wouldn't ever come up. we have a 2 year old dd and love where we live in the uk. great friends, very close family who live 3 hours away?! dd has her little network of friends etc etc etc. we are trying for a second baby and have done the expat thing before having dd - in riyadh, saudi. we had a ball but i feel as though i've been there, done that. and i didnt want to do it in the first place, was just pushed along by dh. now i want to settle, have my family, have a stable and consistent upbringing for them and i am scared to death. have told dh all this and he is gutted that i am not happy about it but is still wanting to go! i am hurt that he is still wanting it knowing that i am totally against it. and i know that if i said i wasnt going he wouldnt but would always think 'what if' and i don't want to be the one to ruin everything. the main reason is my mum.. she is a great nanny and loves dd to bits. she doesnt work, doesnt see us much more than once a month, and it would totally destroy her. seriously. i can't do that to her.....but then should i be living my life to what she wants. ? help!?

OP posts:

moondog · 28/06/2006 21:00

Egypt,I lived all over as a child and it was the best thing my parents could have done for me.Attended lots of school and was even home schooled for a while as where we lived was so remote.
We all gor degrees and have good jobs!

Wouldn't have swapped it for the world and am doing the same with my children.

Chandra · 28/06/2006 21:05

I disagree, sorry, these 8 years with me being resentful of being here "against my will" has only made our marriage a great candidate for divorce. Yes, you need to pull together as a family but that also means him taking some considerations about your needs.

Regardins scarred children. I don't think mine is "scarred" but... he is terribly shy most of the time while we are here (supose he doesn't get so many people around telling him how fantastic he is), but every time we come back from visiting the family he is far more sociable. I think he is missing up on the extended family, and I also worry that if I moved him arround he would feel a foreigner in every place he goes to. I really want him to have a sense of belonging to a place, not out of nationalistic idealisms, I just would like to spare him from feeling the odd one out. Now, considering the quantity of British expats in Singapore I would say your children are unlikely to feel like this.

Chandra · 28/06/2006 21:07

That was not for you Moondog!

P.S> DS insisted on staying here because the money was better than back at his previous job, but I'm sure that if we had stayed there he would be earning far more than what he could expect from his current job.

moondog · 28/06/2006 21:08

Chandra,can see that for you it is hard (are you Spanish or S.American??) but for a Brit in Singapore I mean honestly,it's the bloody UK only with sun and better food!!!

Chandra · 28/06/2006 21:08

DH insisted on....

Chandra · 28/06/2006 21:11

Moondog, have you read the last two lines of my 9:05 post?. Kind of resent your post, I keep getting this kind of remarks of "perhaps because you are Spanish or Latinamerican/not British you don't..." and that's exactly the sort of thing I don't want my child to go through.

moondog · 28/06/2006 21:13

Eh?
I don't know what you mean Chandra.
I am trying to say that British/English culture is so pervasive that an Anglophone family will really not miss out wherever they are,whereas people from other cultures might.

Cam · 28/06/2006 21:16

egypt, I went to live in Singapore when I was 8 years old, my sister was 6, my big brother was 10 and my little brother was 3. We had the best time of our lives!

I remember almost every day completely lucidly and we went in the mid-sixties! Lived there for 4 years we didn't want to come back to UK.

How can I sell it to you, the beaches, the food, the maids, the climate - I'll fight moondog for the chance to go instead of you...!!!

Listen you've only got one teensy weensy little life , your child far from being scarred (what a thought) will have her mind opened and will be thrilled to have experienced such a marvellously different (but oh so civilised) culture

Chandra · 28/06/2006 21:17

I just said that you don't need to point out my differences, you only need to read my posts until the end and you'll see we are talking about the same thing.

Cam · 28/06/2006 21:18

Think moondog is trying to say that English is the main language, Chandra don't be offended, also Australia is (relatively!) near

Original poster

egypt · 28/06/2006 21:19

have been reading the tanglin school website. sounds very good. i take it that is the school to go to...didnt come across fees though....anybody?

worry that dd will become attached and then we'll be dragging her home again, when the biggest part of her life will be there. singapore will be home to her. or maybe she's just to young to think like that

OP posts:

QueenPeaHead · 28/06/2006 21:20

btw most people would HATE 2 yrs in Riyadh. The fact that you liked it makes me suspect you would LOVE Singapore - so much easier a place to live in every way.
Just go. Life is about adventures, the kids will love it, and so will you.

moondog · 28/06/2006 21:20

I have read it over and over Chandra and am agreeing with you essentially!!

My sister and her Korean dh are thinking of moving back to Korea as their boys are becoming too British and we are 100% behind then.
None of us want them to be denied this part of their heritage.

The above situation would rarely be applied to a purely British child abroad. No chace of them becoming less British. No way!!!

Original poster

egypt · 28/06/2006 21:21

what is S$1,000 worth? thats the enrolment fee alone

OP posts:

QueenPeaHead · 28/06/2006 21:21

home for your dd is wherever you and dh are.
she will be absolutely fine moving there and then back in 2 years.

Original poster

egypt · 28/06/2006 21:22

yeah i loved the expat life in riyadh but essentially hated the culture as a woman particularly. sounds stupid, but i am also very concerned that it will be too hot for dd!! she is so fair and strawberry blonde.

OP posts:

Chandra · 28/06/2006 21:25

Don't be concerned for that Egypt, DS keeps removing his clothes because it's too hot while the rest of the family is freezing

QueenPeaHead · 28/06/2006 21:27

egypt, singapore is completely airconditioned. it is the most civilised place in the world. that is probably it's downside - arguably boring because of it. superb education, superb food, superb working environment, superb beaches a hop away, zero crime, heavy emphasis on family life, masses of good cheap home help...

you will all be fine

Original poster

egypt · 28/06/2006 21:30

sounds great. like riyadh believe it or not but with booze!

OP posts:

moondog · 28/06/2006 21:31

You should see where I live Egypt.
About 10 expats (in a city of well over a million),one of whom is a woman (she is 69,very tall,terribly terribly and incredibly rude).

No bars-for anyone
One pool but no mixed bathing
No international schools
No big shops
Nowt to eat but kebabs and flat bread
No English speakers
Water and leccy go off at least once a day

We love it.

Original poster

egypt · 28/06/2006 21:32

where aer you moondag? in fact where are you all? i'm getting a tad confused

OP posts:

SSSandy · 28/06/2006 21:32

moondog, do your kids attend a local Turkish language school then?

(sorry about veering off here Egypt, just curious)

Original poster

egypt · 28/06/2006 21:32

sorry moondOg!

OP posts:

Original poster

egypt · 28/06/2006 21:33

at least i'll still have mumsnet -
turkey then is it?!

OP posts:

moondog · 28/06/2006 21:34

They could do and was all for it (only 5 year old dd,ds is only 1) but I come back and forth from UK fairly often so it's not too much of an issue,and I home school as we speak Welsh not English.

It is the Far East of Turkey,by Iran.

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