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Original poster

Live in France? Join us for a gentil thread

656 replies

TheAccidentalExhibitionist · 01/10/2013 19:39

So how about a lovely supportive, information sharing thread for us mumsnetters living in France?
I've been here for two years, this is my second time living here so 4 years in total.
I have my moans about France, the paperwork, the driving but other than that I love it Smile

OP posts:
MerdeAlor · 26/04/2015 09:46

Sorry to hear that findingmyfeet the reality is so much harder than we all imagine.
Culture shock is a very real thing and it is even harder if youve given up a rewarding career.
Have you spoken to your husband about how unhappy you are?
Have you spoken to your GP?

pinkhousesarebest · 26/04/2015 11:02

Findingmyfeet I am so sorry you are finding it tough. I lived in Paris for almost four years and I never really settled there. Like you, I missed my family terribly (we didn't have any dcs at the time) and spent all my holidays going home. I spent a lot of time feeling anger and resentment towards my dh who (unconsciously), I blamed for it all.

    Looking back (we are now very happily settled in another part of France) I think I was clinging on so hard to my old life that I had no energy to devote to what was to become my new one. I just didn't want a new one. My doctor offered anti-depressants, but I knew that would just  create more problems. Things do get better as time goes by, and the first year is most definitely the worst. Just keep going.
findingmyfeet12 · 26/04/2015 11:46

Thanks for the support.

I totally understand what you mean about blaming dh, pinkhousesarebest. I do that all the time.

I can't commute because we've already done that for almost 10 years and are tired of it now. Also we're ttc and need to be together. We're receiving medical treatment from a great fertility expert in Paris which is something for me to focus on.

I think it's just a case of getting used to it. I'm hoping to just try to stick it out until I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. We're moving to a bigger apartment soon and I think that might cheer me up a bit too.

castlesintheair · 26/04/2015 12:04

findingmyfeet12 you have my sympathy and you've heard it a million times before but the first year really is the hardest. Since we've decided to stay I've stopped comparing France to UK and I'm trying to stop idolizing London (only allowed to watch Paddington once a week now Wink) and that has helped. I also completely lost my identity when we moved here. I am trying to find a new one. We are moving this summer to a "city" and I'm hoping to find work there, not what I used to do but something fulfilling, hopefully. The lack of friends is a tricky one (for me) but I'm getting used to it v e r y slowly. Good luck with ttc and everything else. Here you go, my first Flowers

findingmyfeet12 · 26/04/2015 12:34

Thanks Castles.

Can I ask why you moved to France?

GreatAuntDinah · 26/04/2015 13:43

Hi finding, I had fertility treatment here a couple of years back. Give me a shout if you need a friendly ear.

findingmyfeet12 · 26/04/2015 14:54

Thanks GreatAunt! I've been prescribed clomid for three months and then on to IVF if that fails.

castlesintheair · 26/04/2015 15:58

findingmyfeet12, we moved here because of DH's work, usual story I think!

Bonsoir · 26/04/2015 16:37

Hello Findingmyfeet

I'm a long time Paris resident (23 years less two breaks totalling 3 years). It is a hard and frustrating place and I suggest you try to keep your French in laws at arms length and find yourself a nice supportive group of foreign girlfriends married to Frenchmen with whom to hang out and swap experiences.

Paris is fantastically old fashioned in many respects and it is useful to remind yourself of this and be purposeful about seeking out modernity in order to retain your sanity.

findingmyfeet12 · 26/04/2015 17:06

Hi Bonsoir

Before I moved here I was always brimming with ideas and one of my dreams has always been to start my own company. In my current job I meet a lot of different French people and I've been really surprised at the negative view they have of entrepreneurship.

Back in the UK we celebrate individuality, people who take risks and we love a rags to riches story. I've been quite disheartened at the attitudes here - people are quite negative about anything new.

castlesintheair · 26/04/2015 17:10

"people are quite negative about anything new" massive understatement of the year I think Grin

findingmyfeet12 · 26/04/2015 17:20

Its pretty disheartening as my dh has that attitude too - my own parents are in their 50s and 60s and they've always got a project or madcap scheme on the go - I really miss that energy.

Bonsoir · 26/04/2015 17:31

The lack of innovation and interest in new lifestyles is very wearing. My own French DP is pretty aware of the need to upgrade oneself regularly but I still find myself reminding him to stop trying to breathe new life into corpses and to look for the new idea instead... Novelty and looking for new ideas just don't feature in the French mindset the way they do in the British or American mindset.

findingmyfeet12 · 26/04/2015 17:54

I'm of south Asian ethnic origin and despite my English accent almost every French person I've met through work has assumed that I'm Indian. It's not really an issue for me but I think it speaks volumes for the people I've met that they've all categorised me by my colour rather than the my accent and the fact that my job actually requires me to be a national of an English speaking country (company policy).

Schnapps00 · 26/04/2015 18:05

Hi findingmyfeet, it sounds like you've got one ahead of me at least by finding a job for a start so well done for that! Agree totally with pinkhouses that your move will never be a success until YOU want it to be, and for your own reasons (or at least an agreed strategy with your DH), to be fair I'd love the chance to be in Paris with the job prospects there, so you can at least reasonably expect to be able to upgrade jobs in the future, how's your French doing? If you don't get much chance to practise I can recommend this: www.franglish.eu/en/language-exchange-paris. Maybe you could do a deal with your DH if you're still unhappy in a year/not found a better job you could discuss the move again? I think it's really helped me knowing our time in France is limited to 2.5 years; keeps reminding me to make the most of it..good luck with TTC! I feel like doing the same just to stop everyone's questions about it..:-S

Schnapps00 · 26/04/2015 18:06

PS Agree with others that I've been quite shocked by the casual racism/stereotypes we've experienced here, in some respects France is light years behind the UK!

GreatAuntDinah · 26/04/2015 18:17

It is a hard and frustrating place Seventeen years here and I don't recognise that description. Like anywhere else it's pretty much what you make of it I think.

findingmyfeet12 · 26/04/2015 18:20

I'm just grateful that I've found a job that keeps me busy (but couldn't pay the bills with the tiny pay cheque if dh was out of work).

I think we may return to the uk if the fertility treatment goes to plan as I'd like to raise children with the support of my family. For now I'm gritting my teeth and sticking it out hoping that dh can make a success of his business.

findingmyfeet12 · 26/04/2015 18:24

I think my opinions are partly distorted by my mental state at the moment - I'm feeling down and I miss my family a lot.

I agree that we must make the best of a situation GreatAuntDina but at the same time I think some of the cultural differences are difficult to reconcile and do take time.

Booboostoo · 26/04/2015 19:33

I feel the same as you finding. The french are not very interested in knowledge, achievement or entrepreneurship. I can't find any evidence of continuing professional education, or a desire to stay abreast of the newest developments in the world or a basic ability to do research.

GreatAuntDinah · 27/04/2015 07:17

Hmm then you haven't been looking very hard. Can we stop with the sweeping generalisations already?

Bonsoir · 27/04/2015 08:40

Booboostoo - I agree very much with your last post, as would many of my friends here in Paris. The modern culture of lifelong learning has yet to permeate the French mindset or institutions. Indeed, I find myself becoming increasingly ageist as, when talking to French people of my own age or older, their values and ideas have generally not evolved beyond those inculcated in their youth.

findingmyfeet12 · 27/04/2015 09:44

I don't think anyone is trying to say all French people are a particular way. Cultural differences do exist though and we can only speak from our personal experiences.

MerdeAlor · 27/04/2015 09:52

I agree Booboostoo and Bonsoir

It can be incredibly frustrating here for so many reasons. France is many years behind other EU countries in the ways mentioned above.

After 5 years here I have finally become comfortable saying out loud that I hate some things about living here. The arrogance and dogmatism we have experienced time and time again from french people thinking they know best when many of them have little experience of life outside of France.

GreatAuntDinah · 27/04/2015 10:14

If the French are so hostile to lifelong learning, then why all the GRETAs, congés FONGECIF, professional MA courses en alternance etc. etc. etc. on offer? who the heck is doing them if not ordinary French people?

I don't think anyone is trying to say all French people are a particular way

How about this? The french are not very interested in knowledge, achievement or entrepreneurship . I find that quite an ignorant and offensive statement.