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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

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Original poster

How do you cope when good friends leave?

13 replies

Raptorrethy · 11/06/2013 09:49

When you make a really, really good friend for three years and they are moving on...I feel so sad and tearful - I know I need to 'man-up' but she is going to leave a big hole in so many ways

Has anyone else had this? I'm guessing 'yes' as of course it's one of the downs of ex-pat life...

OP posts:

Lavenderhoney · 11/06/2013 09:52

Yes, and its hard as keeping in touch as difficult as they are building a new life elsewhere and have make time for new friends too. I hope you have a group of friends left, as its harder sometimes to be the one left behind.

Its the same for the dc- so many children move on, and it always seems to be their bf:(

Original poster

Raptorrethy · 11/06/2013 12:09

Definitely harder to be the one left behind. They are moving on to an exciting new life in an amazing country and they are thrilled. I am happy for them but so, so sad for me and my DCs.

Now I know how my old neighbour and friend felt when we moved abroad after 7 years living next door to each other...I was full of excitement and busy with plans; she was left behind and losing her friend

It sucks!

OP posts:

papooshka · 11/06/2013 13:17

Badly!! I hate it and have had so many lovely friends leave. The good side is that you have friends in other countries, bad side is they leave a massive hole :-( sorry, no help at all !

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 14/06/2013 10:11

Yeah it sucks. My closest friend moved late last year. We still meet up for holidays as our kids are the same age and get on really well so we all go to Thailand together and get a villa. It's not the same as having a friend round the corner though. I was saved from depression by going back to work after mat leave the day she left.

Orangebirdonatable · 14/06/2013 12:58

This year seems much worse than in previous years. I have a lot of friends moving on. My social life will be much different next year.

MistyB · 14/06/2013 21:02

Heartbreak, grief, worse than loosing a lover because actually neither of you wants to break up and you are left with another person you have to make a supreme effort to keep in touch with on top of all the others you have met, loved and left along the way as well as keeping in touch with family and friends of your children.

Sorry it's not very positive but you are not alone!!!

DramaAlpaca · 14/06/2013 21:09

You're not alone. I've experienced this, the worst time was when two close friends left the same year. It really rocked my boat for quite a while.

I've had to learn to seek out friends from the country where I live these days, rather than those from my own country or fellow expats living here. Not always easy as it's easier to bond with people from a similar background or who are going through the same things as you are.

Of course I appreciate that depending on where you live that isn't always an option.

Original poster

Raptorrethy · 15/06/2013 11:18

OP posts:

marjean · 15/06/2013 19:47

I have lived in a (school) campus community for nearly a year. Many of them have new jobs to start in September and are leaving the country. It feels horrible and returning to campus in September will be like starting anew all over again. I suspect it will be a similar story this time next year too as the foreign staff here are a close-knit bunch.

I really feel for you, OP, and anyone else experiencing this kind of loss.

Original poster

Raptorrethy · 16/06/2013 15:05

Thank you all. Sounds like there is certainly no magic solution...just good old 'time' to heal.

I know in this global age you can never be sure that friends will stay put...wherever you live. But when you're an ex-pat yourself, and thus out of your safety blanket, it's even harder.

and to us all!

OP posts:

helenthemadex · 16/06/2013 15:24

its really hard, two of my closest friends moved back to the UK within 6 months of each other, I was really upset and life was hard for a while, my dc missed theirs. We are still in touch and see them every summer when they come over for a break but its not the same as seeing them daily

latermater · 22/06/2013 07:22

About to lose my closest friend plus several others of the best kind of friends - the sort who, like me, dont manage to put their mascara on for the 7am school run, and who I dont need to be on my best behaviour to have a conversation with, for fear of breaching some ex pat mother norms which I don't fully understand (you mean you DONT have a live in maid/imported 4x4/golf handicap etc etc). It's going to be hard work in September.

eslteacher · 23/06/2013 22:25

you have to make a supreme effort to keep in touch with on top of all the others you have met, loved and left along the way

I definitely agree with this. It's so hard because I have such a shortage of good friends here where I live, and such a glut of friends/family back in the UK. When a precious 'good friend' here leaves to go back to the UK it's so hard to properly continue the friendship, because I already have so many previously-existing long-distance friendships I'm trying to maintain...time to visit people when back home is so limited...

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