Anyone regret moving back to the UK because they were so homesick.......

[scottswede]

Following on from the homesickness threads. I was wondering if anyone had moved back to their home country because they just couldn't settle, only to regret the move back home.....
I know everyone has bouts of homesickness, from every day to only on special occasions, from little things like not being able to buy certain foods to huge hating the weather issues. From taking a couple of months to settle to unbearable homesickness after 10 plus years.
What made you say"I just can't do this anymore"
Was moving back what you though, did you settle in, did you regret moving back, wished you'd stuck it out longer, taken more trips home to quench the thirst.
I am lucky I have the opportunity to return to the UK, with a willing dh (living in his home country now) we are making plans for next year. We have lived here for 3 years and I knew almost immediately it wasn't going to work though we have tried hard to make it, just not feeling the love.....
I know the UK is not the perfect place, but I know we can can a more enjoyable life there.

I had lived in Australia for near on 50 years. Why I moved back to England with my husband, I can't recall. He had just been treated for renal cancer, two of my beloved dogs died prematurely from cancer too though we lived an organic, healthy life!
We moved back to England. We lost a lot of money, our savings in a housing scam. We've been back in UK 6 years. The rubbish, feeling constantly closed in by busy traffic and people who walk grimly through every day, being neglected by a stretched NHS - I've become agoraphobic and don't feel safe anywhere, EVER. I can't get mental health care even though I've been suicidal with homesickness and knowing I can NEVER afford to return home. The deep grief, overwhelming sadness at knowing my lovely life is over forever; our health problems and difficulties that have developed through ageing, reduced finances is all so very final. We've lost everything we worked so hard for and I can't ever return to see my elderly family- well, what can I say... It's like experiencing the death of my village. And I'm not sure I'll tolerate it well.
If you are settled anywhere, have family, friends, pets, love and enough money to enjoy each day, STAY THERE. You too, could feel as I do for every breath of life you have left! It's so terribly sad. I'm glad to have found a place I can say this openly.
I hope there's peace to be found within me, some future day. And I hope I can get the support I need from somewhere.
Thanks for reading this.

oodlesofpoodle - can you no go back ?

Oh oodles, my heart goes out to you. My dad went to OZ when he was five. He returned back to England aged 66 because I moved here and he had no other family. He never got used to being here ( four years) and longed for Australia and friends and wanted to go back ( unfortunately got ill and passed away before he could). I deeply regret asking him to come here, to big a change when his whole life and memories were in Australia. I really hope there is a chance you can afford to go back.

Hi everyone,

I came cross this post as I was searching for how easy would it be to move back to the UK.
We left the UK almost 2 years ago and knew we would not be our new country forever and had planned to give it 5 years and then we would return home.
For me the start to settle here was difficult, I missed work I had two small children, one was in the international school and I felt alone but I got through it.
However we are now seriously considering moving back this summer as our daughter is not settling here as we would like. Yes she is happy but not as confident and settled as when we are in the UK

It's a big decision for us as you always want to do what is best for your children and perhaps we move back to the Uk and she does not settle there

We have been through a lot here, our son had to have an operation, I had a scare in the hospital, my daughter was diagnosed with something she will have to live with something for the rest of her life and we bought a house a year ago and now do not know if I can handle going through selling it this year or renting it out and perhaps have the worry if it is empty.

Finally my husbands job is here although he travels overseas a lot and we have not mentioned it yet to the employer however we have both said that if his job will not follow him back to the Uk we will both find other jobs.

I like it here but I don't love it and know we will never truly settle, yes there are things I really do not like in the UK but its home.

Newbrummie & 24magic17 a big thank you to you! You are so kind to show you care!
It's impossible for us to return. We arrived well moneyed up after a lifetime of superannuation and our savings were released (I put every cent of my wages away for the last three years of my working life because I could tell my own health condition was deteriorating -MS) and after arriving in UK & not being aware of potential areas of scamming, we lost 12k all up in housing scams! It happened when we had to change postcodes FAST immediately after the cancer broke through his 1st remission. My husband's cancer prognosis (neither of us smoke and we ate organic and vegetarian for long periods!) was very poor. With a tiny glint of hope if we moved to an area close to a specific hospital and area of medical expertise. Overnight we left our home & signed up for a mobile home in a park. The plot we'd signed for & put a hefty deposit on never eventuated! They never responded. After much hard work we got them to the point of agreeing over the phone to return our deposit. It was obvious after, that they knew our desperate situation and exploited it! And because our real home was in the opposite end of the UK, unlived in, people took advantage of a home full of furniture and totally void of life.
Of course we knew no one who cared enough about us to watch over it for us. And my husband was concentrating on staying alive so we had no choice but to rent a place ourselves, while trying to sell our home.
Because we couldn't be there to keep on the tails of the agent selling our property the house took years to sell ( it was in an isolated village). Our situation now desperate, we sold for less than we bought it for a few years before, plus after us also having spent 30k on updating everything from roof to heating. We lost 55k. Every penny and a debt beyond our savings was lost in a year or two. Then on top of that we were scammed by the mobile home cowboys.
We didn't have enough time nor the emotional and physical energy to try to recoup them via legal recourse.
Naturally my illness worsened to the point of becoming bed bound and on high narcotic meds to control my pain during this time, while my husband (who was and is MY DEVOTED F/T CARER) fought the cancer to gain extra years of life.
A disability charity shares the ownership of the home we now live in. We're grateful not to have to sleep on the streets, but I'm still regretful & sad that we can't go on that holiday back home (Aus was my home 50+ years). OR return there for that matter, or go on the romantic cruises we'd dreamed to take in our fifties and sixties, or to be able to go out for a meal together even. Instead, I'm having to seriously contemplate getting some groceries from a FOOD BANK! Like the clients I once looked after!
I'm sorry to sound so negative. I know I'm clinically depressed but l can't get the regular help I need from a psychologist (mental health is a field totally lacking recognition and funding in the UK).
I know too, we've much to be grateful for. However, we'd not worked long & hard jobs (I was in child protection as an example) to end up in the poorest echelons of society and having to beg for charity. I'm angry that unscrupulous people had the opportunity due to lax laws not protecting the naive or vulnerable in the UK.
I feel like an idiot.
Who moves the other side of the world expecting, but not checking first, that our finances and social health would be protected and upheld by the laws of that land? Silly us,...that's who!
I guess I just wanted to take my man back to his Homeland. I believed his medical treatment had to be the same or superior in Europe. I grew up believing that the UK was the superior Motherland in every way :) probably my immigrant parents were homesick!
And I didn't realize the need to be watchful for scammers. I fully expected that the Laws here would protect us from scammers.

I was negligent. I didn't ask enough, check enough.
We were so much in the shock and grief process (we lost parents, siblings and adored pets around the time of hubbys original diagnosis in Australia also), in short we were in an emotional mess and it never occurred to us that people would exploit our grief and vulnerability.
I knew the pitfalls to avoid in Australia. I didn't have the life skills or local knowledge for the UK.
So, please learn from our experience, DON'T MOVE WHEN IN SHOCK OR GRIEF STRICKEN. Unless you are moving to be closer to trusted family & friends.
So THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION IS NO TO BEING ABLE TO GO BACK HOME. Unless we won a hundred thousand, it'd be impossible for me to ever return home in the future to live again. And SO, for now, I go into every competition offering a holiday in Australia and cash :) If I knew I could still return for a holiday every year or two, I'd be able to cope more happily despite everything.

There's a big part of my brain yelling at me to be realistic, to consider how fortunate we are to have permanent housing, to LET GO of our past life. I'm trying, I really am! It's MY HEART that keeps whispering memories of warm dirt beneath my bare feet, of broad vistas, room to breathe the clean eucalyptus air of my youth and of smiling familiar faces calling greetings as I stroll along the beach. The image glows warm in my heart. FORGIVE me here for not being PC BUT I've had to pass the pain to God in prayer, or its heaviness would crush me.
No matter your belief system, I think anyone reading this would understand my need to do so. It's imperative I try to enjoy the now, not a pipedream.
Thanks again for reading this. It helps that people cared enough to write. Bless you sweet people! :)
I do hope this confession STOPS SOMEONE making the biggest wrong decision. No matter what it is, wait. Let grief pass first.
Enjoy your days! And maybe whisper a little Prayer for me :) Thanks again.

Well when I get back and get sorted I shall pm you and you shall come and stay with us for weeks or as long as you like

Ooodles....what an ordeal you've been through. I'm so sad for you. I'm thinking of you and yes...heeding your advice. I've moved from pillar to post all my life and will be thinking of you forever. Wishing you the best for your future. xxx

Oh oodles didn't want to read and run, I'm so sorry you've been through so much. Hope your husband is now getting the care he needs?

The sentiment is so kind. Even if you don't or can't pm me because your life gets complicated, I want you to know that I know you care. But life happens. And as much as you mean what you say now, you may not follow through. You have lifted my spirits, made me think that just may be, good things can happen in the future... So thanks for giving me real hope.. A little faith in the goodness of people. That alone, may help me. Please do let me know how life turns out for you? Even if you can't follow through? And I wish you every success at every stage of your return. And sincere blessings! How kind of you to even WANT to help. Tearful, happy thanks.

This won't apply to everyone but I think that alot of people want to move from the UK to AUS because they are trying to escape their problems here. When they go to AUS they realise the same problems follow and that there are more added on, with a new country and culture to adjust to. Moving to another country will only work if you are young or have no ties to family or friends, so you have a lot of time and energy to assimilate to the culture and make new friends and family. I nearly went to AUS, thankfully the thought of leaving my friends and family stopped me. I didn't want to miss birthdays, Christmas's with the family, births, deaths and even just family/friends popping round for a cup of tea or dinner. Everyone realises at some point that what's important is being with your loved ones and I feel that going to the other side of the world is like saying you don't care about them. Most people seem to realise this when it's too late, and then they have missed good years and life events, whilst trying to fit in somewhere they have no history to and often are not welcomed into. The UK is beautiful, rich, full of history and culture, we have a good quality of life, there is no where too far, we have variety of weather and London has less rain than Sydney!! Its a waste of time, money and energy to realise that the grass is not greener on the other side once you have made the move. You should try to see the positives of where you are and the UK is a brilliant place to live.

There's a good point made on here on the difference between emigration and Expat. My interpretation is Expat = the full financial package with all the bells and whistles. Emigration = no expat package.

I emigrated from UK to Aus in 2005, and by emigration I really mean it. Married an Aussie, friends are Aussie, work for Aussie company, took Aussie citizenship as soon as it came up.

In 2016 I started to get itchy feet, typical European silliness, "in Europe you can cross 4 countries in a day" all that. Got an expat package in Dubai in 2016 and have been here the last two years.

Hand on heart, if you're anything like me and cannot abide superficial people... the Expat Package is not worth the tax-free dollars.

Yes, we've been back to Europe more, yes we've been to different countries in the GCC and Asia that are cheaper and faster to get to than living in Aus, but the Expat-Sense-of-Entitlement-Entitlement (is there an acronym for that ESEE) is excruciating, it's been appalling to live amongst it. Expat wives drinking themselves into oblivion just because it's Ladies Night (every second night of the week), men getting out of control at the golf clubs, the not so hidden world of Eastern European prostitutes, gluttonous "brunches", expat-brat kids (they're real and they're evil), constant whinging and whining about the quality of Maid or Chef... the fact they believe having a Maid or Chef is a necessity... it's self-indulgence on steroids and it's sickening to find out these people think this is reality and a reasonable way to live.

I'm not homesick for the UK, but I am homesick for Aus. I can only assume that I've cured my itchy feet. When I left the UK I knew that was the end of it for me... leaving Aus was more of a curiosity to see if I was missing out anywhere else. Turns out I chose the right country 13 years ago, cannot wait to get back to normality and smell the eucalyptus again.

Hi MsPaloma

I've lived in the US for 39 years, and when my 4 children were out and all working, I Retired from my job with the Airlines, and moved back to the UK. Always wanted to, and said I would. Lived there for 7 years, with my twin sister, as she bought a house in Bournemouth, and worked, BUT with my flight benefits, able to visit my children a lot. 3 live in California, one in NY. Sadly my sister died in 2020 right before Covid restricted travel, so for 2 years, travel to see my children was not happening. But of course always in touch with Facetime etc. Finally in 2022, decided time to move back to the US, and be with my children, as I am 71. I left my job of 2 years, and moved. For some reason, after only 3 months, I was overwhelmed with depression, sadness and never ending crying missing my "home", and hating California. I never would have normally lived here, as I love the 4 seasons, so anywhere with Winter would maybe have been better, but CA doesn't really have a winter. Now it's constantly in the 90's, unbearably hot as you really can't go out. I love the hot weather, but it has to be by a beach, or at least a Pool. My depression became so bad, I didn't go out for days, and never tried for a job, I just had no motivation to try.

My 2 daughters have been like therapists to me, and insisted, that I seek professional help and get medication. The thought of living in California, filled me with dread, even though 3 of my adult children are here, but have lives of their own, and can't be around me all the time. Then the panic would start, as I know my daughter and her husband will eventually move, as she hates CA too, and my oldest son, I know he and his wife and baby daughter will be moving to CT to be near her mother. I only have my youngest son and he lives in LA, I live about an hour away from him, but he works in a Casino at night, so can on see him maybe once a week. I know it's put the burden on my oldest daughter, as she lives up the road from me, and I don't want her to have to feel lumbered with me, becoming a gibbering mess. I told them I want to move back to Bournemouth, and I also ended up falling out with my oldest son because of it. But we, me and girls', feel it's best I go "home", as I do have sisters' there who are supportive, and some friends. However, I know they shouldn't be above my adult children. I have been wracked with loathing and guilt to myself for doing such a thing, feeling that I am abandoning my children, even though they really can't "babysit" me or be with me. I have never been this frightened, panicked or weak, and going home, too makes me wonder if I will be happy going back.

But the thought of living in LA fills me with dread too! However, my daughter talked to me about her friend that is now worrying about her FIL, who is now needing medical care for possible dementia and the worry of the cost it will be on the FIL and eventually them. My fear has always been of the US medical system, needing to pay for Insurance and then any Health care the Insurance won't cover. They take money from my SS for it, and I still have to pay for some things....I had a bad ear infection, and needed an inhaler and had to pay for those. Not a lot, but as a person on Medicare, it doesn't mean you don't pay for anything. Couldn't even get ahold of the Doctor that I am supposed to see in my Plan, So the NHS is a big plus they feel, as I saw how they took care of my sister, and no bill at the end!!

But I have gone back and forth with it for 6 months, even though my daughter's have advised me to listen to them, that I am doing the right thing. They are all adults with lives of their own, and I say to myself, "why shouldn't I live where I prefer to live", and then, " how selfish am I to leave my children", even though I don't see them that often? I honestly don't know where I have "been" these last 6 months with the depression and anxiety of being here, and wanting to be "home again with the safety and comfort of British people, voices, places, even foods I can't get here" Before living here, I lived with that, as I was living life, and could fly to the UK and stock up every so often, and spend time with my sisters, and come back fulfilled, with my sweets and chocolate biscuits to share. A lot of comments have been about not feeling they fit in, or the comments about our accent, good or bad. And not finding Expats to connect to. Where I am, I, don't think there are any (although I haven't joined anything or got a job to find out, so that's my fault), as it's largely an Armenian community. Very nice here, clean, even the buses are nice, so why couldn't I be happy? But the fear of my son and daughter leaving LA and leaving me here alone, scares me, even though I know it's not tomorrow. They are both away for the Summer, so I'd be alone apart from my son in LA I might get to see if he's not tired.

Those who are lucky they can take their families with them when they decide to move, makes it easier, but wanting to move back to the UK, and knowing their spouse might too end up being unhappy, at least you are all together.

englishtoffeetoo

It's really hard isn't it to be away from the place you are most comfortable in. Is it worth considering living in the UK and visiting once a year for a long stay to coincide with time when your children are off work? They will be busy with their working lives so you may even see more of them that way. I think it's very normal to want your network of friends when you are retired, my mum really missed that when she spend months in France where my dad liked to spend chunks of time. Your friends are really important when you are retired I think, for that connection.

Hello Middler,
Yes always been difficult, wishing I could live in my own country and have my children with me. Don't get me wrong, I've lived in a few countries, so the USA was not the first place, and I chose to come, as I met someone, but of course, you end up staying if the relationship works out. And I did well in the US in my career in the Theatre, so I am grateful for that, and was NOT permanently, unhappy, just always wanted to be around my family. Then had children, and it was great. I never felt trapped, like an English friend of mine feels like she is in Canada. I had a good life with my husband. We got divorced, and things were fine, started working, and worked for the Airlines for 16 years, so had total access to the UK at any given time. It's just now everyone is doing their own thing, I am on my own, and feel I should, without guilt, be where I'd rather be, but is that right to be at the emotional expense of my family? Or being angry with me, for wanting to live back in the UK? But I did that for 7 years, and they were ok with it, once they got used to it, as, as you said, I came to visit all the time, and we did phone calls, and video calls. To be honest, I think I have drained my oldest daughter, being on top of her now, and I would hate to damage that relationship with her.

I arrived in the UK in 1973, aged 23, for a supposed 6/12 working holiday as a registered nurse but ended up due to circumstances staying for 40 years. I had a great career, made lots of friends and overall had a very good life in the UK. However, I had in spite of this always wanted to go home' (Canada). Once my parents were dead (I was an only child) and I had retired finally at age 65 I knew I had to go back. I had been holidaying with friends in Canada every year from 1990 and even rented an apartment for a month in the summer to test drive returning. With the help of a friend I purchased a beautiful condo but kept my tiny London flat just in case'. I settled with difficulty even though I was still connected to a certain extent with my friends from high school and I did make new ones, but we had little life experiences in common and I missed my old life in the UK greatly. I lasted 4.5 years before I packed up with my two cats, who had accompanied me from the UK and went back to London as I was very depressed and hated the Ontario winters. Was it a good idea? I have a new life here now (volunteering, cinema trips, meeting up with my UK friends) and making the best of it. I think if, as I am, a somewhat discontented person, whatever you do you will have regrets. I wanted and did get back to Canada but life had moved on and so had I. I was more British than Canadian. But in my heart I will always be Canadian first. This thread is a difficult one to contribute to as there are so many different stories and circumstances. I had many chances during my working life to move back but sick parents, my own health, pension issues etc etc all served to delay my return. Overall, I feel I made the right choice coming back. BUT I think one needs to be confident that you will make a real effort to settle in your new place and you need to give it a minimum of 4 years. Longer than that you can end up trapped and unsure of what is for the best. Some of the stories in this thread are sad. Mine is a neutral one : I was given a chance and took it and for that I have few regrets even though it did not work out

Englishtoffee I don't think you should feel guilty for wanting to be around friends at this stage of life since your kids are busy with their lives, if you know you can still come and visit. If you are renting and have not bought could you do a trial run maybe rent a room back in the UK for 6 months and see how it goes?

This is a thread started in 2013 😊

I suppose the topic pertains a decade later ;)
Sheila, it's great that you actually gave it a go and I suppose you had spent more of your life in the UK by the age of 65 so it is understandable that you missed the UK I think.

We’ve lived most of our lives in Australia with occasional trips to the UK where we were born. We feel more Australian than British really. When we go back to visit we find a couple of weeks is enough. We can’t stand it any longer. We are all different, aren’t we? I felt the same when we lived in Tasmania, too. Hemmed in somehow. I like that you can set off and drive for days and days through different climates, different time zones and just the vastness of everything here.

With each trip to the UK I realize more a f more than I could never live there again. Nor would I want to. We recently went to the UK for 5 days and I was ready to come back home to the US after 2. I found everything such hard work and people were really miserable and fed up. Constantly moaning.