Anyone regret moving back to the UK because they were so homesick.......

[scottswede]

Following on from the homesickness threads. I was wondering if anyone had moved back to their home country because they just couldn't settle, only to regret the move back home.....
I know everyone has bouts of homesickness, from every day to only on special occasions, from little things like not being able to buy certain foods to huge hating the weather issues. From taking a couple of months to settle to unbearable homesickness after 10 plus years.
What made you say"I just can't do this anymore"
Was moving back what you though, did you settle in, did you regret moving back, wished you'd stuck it out longer, taken more trips home to quench the thirst.
I am lucky I have the opportunity to return to the UK, with a willing dh (living in his home country now) we are making plans for next year. We have lived here for 3 years and I knew almost immediately it wasn't going to work though we have tried hard to make it, just not feeling the love.....
I know the UK is not the perfect place, but I know we can can a more enjoyable life there.

No worries. Link to the thread if you do start one, I'll come & join you.

I love Australia. I thought long & hard before I left home for here & it does feel like home, but I miss the people back home so much.

The cultural differences don't really stand out for me, it's mainly people & the inability to join in with things that knocks me.

I was so caught up in starting a new life, living somewhere where, to be honest, I had thought about a lot in life before I even met & married dh. I always wanted to come here for a holiday & when I did, a few years after my wedding, I loved it.

It was easy to say yes to dh's request to love here. I only hesitated to get the thoughts of my dad (who gave his blessing).

I had NO idea as to what I was giving up though. Friends getting married, having children, etc. Everything I watch unfold on fb, knowing I would be in the thick of it if I hadn't left.

Yet to go back is impossible right now.

I am not sure how to link to the thread. Such a ditz with this sort of thing! Have started new thread... Let me know how to link it if you get chance.

I hear you. It is only when you leave, that you can look back onto your life in the UK and think boy, wouldn't it be amazing to be around for that birthday or that wedding. But I feel it is so much more that I miss. The sounds of the birds, the smell of home, the church bells at night, the trips to M&S with my Mum. Sad really!! I just also think people in the UK are so much more friendly too.

My DH is open to going back, but his heart isn't in it I guess. The sad thing is that these new visa rulings make it impossible anyway as you say. It is so, so unfair. I am a stay at home Mum, so there is no chance to go back home to earn gbp18k, let alone the upset of splitting our family up whilst we do so. It is screwed. Hopefully this High Court ruling will go through soon to change thus ridiculously unfair rule.

Feeling trapped in more wats than one at the moment.

BeautifulThief99 what are the new rules??? I'm also in Oz and not looking to return at the moment but do get floored by homesickness periodically. I have always assumed we could all just buy our plane tix and rock up at h'row if it ever really came to the crunch, but is that not the case?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/living_overseas/2116155-Any-success-stories-of-expats-moving-back-home-to-UK-due-to-severe-homesickness

Just incase anyone needs it.

Hi CrystalDeCanter. I have just responded to you in new thread as I think this will create a but more interest. Thanks differentnameforthis.. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/living_overseas/2116155-Any-success-stories-of-expats-moving-back-home-to-UK-due-to-severe-homesickness

Just been reading this thread and thinking over how I'd feel if I had the option to move back to the UK now (realistically, I don't) - and I know there would be things I'd miss from here! But when I was back in the UK at Easter, I was so thankful to be there, and was so homesick all over again when we came back, it's been awful. But I really don't have a choice at the moment and I know we have some things much better here than there, so even if I could get DH to go back to the UK, I don't know that I'd feel any better there. :(

I know it's an old thread but I would also be interested to find out if anyone who posted last year has done what they wanted, and how they've found it?

I posted on this thread last year, five weeks after returning to the UK after a year in Asia. So funny to read that post again now!

We can't regret coming back because we didn't really have a choice; it's what we had to do for DS2. But 50% of the time we wish we weren't in the UK. That's not to say we would want to be back in Asia. But we feel very restless. Last Summer was glorious weather wise and we really enjoyed being back here. Winter was tough. The dark days and all that rain! Poor DH didn't move back until November, from the tropics. He found that really really hard. His commute is now 2.5 hours each way so he stays in London every week for one or more nights, then tries to work from home the rest of the time. So quality of life is not as good.

The DCs are happy and settled but even they say they don't want to live here forever. It's a good area etc. and when the sun is shining it's easier to feel okay about being here.

We don't feel emotionally invested here though which is both a blessing and a curse. If DH gets a good offer overseas we will be off again. If he doesn't we will be here until the kids finish school and then possibly move to London.

I do worry that we will never truly feel settled again. Our foray into living overseas has changed our mindsets. We've gone from wanting the forever house, to being terrified of having just that! I do take some comfort that this does seem quite normal though, having opened up that can of worms.

Pupsie the never feeling settled thing is my issue too. I'm from Aus and for the last 15 years I've lived away (in different countries) and I really do want to return home but the return home will be for good and I'm just not ready.

Not investing emotionally in places has helpled me continually pack up and move on but I've been in the UK now for 5 years which is the longest anywhere and DD was born here and starting school next year. Feel like we need to make a jump again soon though before we never leave!

Returned from Perth after 6 years at the time due to my unemployment spells ( though wife had really good job). And I largely coped with the isolation of house husbandry.My wife was not a good communicator and struggled to gain or maintain friendships. This made me miss my uk friends.Lack of fruit ends, spells of unemployment, relationship issues and homesickness spells made the grass greener in UK and the rose tinted specs bigger. Our son aged 11 never complained about Oz until the latter half of 2013, so we booked a Christmas trip in D do 13 to UK to let him get his fix. Ended up falling in the trap of moving back after a UK holiday mot real life. Back in UK since April...wife settled in new job, boy settled in school with more friends thus far, but Groundhog Day for me. In hindsight I would have stayed in Perth, I cannot and will not settle in UK,,,,we are Oz citizens too......yet only I would return, hence living nightmare of regret and failure. Too much time alone at home in OZ gave me too much time to think, hence the mistake, did look for work but not easy for 51 year old with UK clerical cv.
Disaster....curse of the expat.

This thread makes for very interesting reading. I left the UK 22 years ago to settle in Perth (Aus) and then met my husband (an Aussie) and we've now got 2 children. For me, the homesick feeling has never truly left, just come and gone in varying degrees. For some reason I've been really feeling it the last year or so, and all I can put it down to is the fact that my kids have been asking a lot about the UK now they're older and interested in where I grew up, went to school myself, etc. I find the more I talk about it, and describe things, I get really painful pangs of homesickness. Maybe you always feel the "pull" of where you were born? Or it's probably just nostalgia for a place that no doubt is totally different now! I do like Australia and I could never expect to uproot my husband kids, but I sometimes think if it was just me, I'd move back.

Happy to discover this thread and now feeling much less alone but also sad that there is so much inevitable heartbreak, homesickness and grass-is-greener-ness in the expat life. I've been living and working in a very challenging underdeveloped country (clue in my MN name!) for almost four years and in that time have met DH and now expecting DC1. We are planning to go back to Ireland for the birth but I'm loath to make a decision about what to do after that, whether to stay or come back out here (where we both have good jobs but life is so difficult and homesick and grandparents so far.) This thread has given much food for thought but no resolution. WWYD?

Burmama, that's a hard decision for you to make and I really don't know what I would do in your situation. See how you feel after the birth I guess. Having children certainly changes your life, that's for sure.

Thanks Perth, that is definitely the approach I'm taking at the moment, I genuinely have no idea how I'll feel after Jan 28 (give or take) next year. Would be nice to have a plan though, because if we're not staying we have an apartment to deal with, things to pack before we leave, etc. I guess we will have to sub-let it while we're gone for the birth and then, if we decide to stay in Ireland, DH can nip back here and tie up loose ends? All just seems very messy though, wish things were clearer!

For me, someone early on the thread had it. To culturally fit in, is important. Even for me working in the UK, I couldn't cope with the attitudes there and found it difficult (am from NZ). It makes a difference to live somewhere where people know the soul of you. What makes you tick, your upbringing and family situation. We are travelling expats and each time we land somewhere new, not necessarily of our choosing., friendships are on a superficial level unless you're the type to give people a 1/2hr spiel about your history as soon as you meet. But the longer you are away, the harder it is to fit in anywhere.

Last time I went home for a break I was in the supermarket and 2 mongrel mob (gangs) guys were eyeing me up trying to work out where I was from. I stuffed up my NZ credentials at the counter when I asked what eftpos was as I couldn't genuinely remember! They looked at each other and went naaaaah she's not a kiwi.

I've never been as lonely as where we are now (US), DH doesn't make an effort to friendships and seems not to need them, but I do. I see other expats when I can, but it's tricky as I work FT now and most of them don't. I really want to move again soon, but we're here for another 2yrs I'd say.

I agree with Mr Tumbles, the expat lifestyle is definitely a bubble and has little to do with real life in another country. In this respect it is very privileged. If material issues and ease of living are what appeals then a return home will always seem like a let down.

Of course there is more to life!

I live in Italy, have done for the past 8 years, Since back end of last year, I really want to go back to UK. My hubby gets a small pension, but we do a spot of pet sitting and teaching to tick over here. We rent this place. I have a sister in UK, nieces, and friends. Problem is my husband does not want to go back. We are rock solid been married for 25+ years, and initially it was my idea to live in Europe and sell up. Obviously after these years we only have a small amount of savings now. We dont really have any friends here, although we meet a fair few people. I am now dreaming about going back to UK, and I know, its not in great shape. I feel sad, here and want to burst into tears, most days now. I try to keep a lid on it, but I am thinking o going to UK, in October, one way ticket, and hope to get a job. Funds are running out, and I love Italy, but I feel my roots are pulling me back I can live at my sisters until I get sorted, but at 55 its going to be hard to get work. I dont see that I have failed, because not trying is a fail. I have great memories of Italy, but I need to go. I hoped my husband would change his mind, its a mess really Sorry for the long post

I am another one living in my dh's country and feeling a sense of longing to go back to the UK. We are in Europe so not too far but limited by money and small dcs. He is not totally against living in the UK but there are financial things we need to sort out here first. We would also struggle to save enough to make the move

I am so lonely, I don't fit in, expats are mostly in a bubble, my language isn't good enough to make local friends easily and even with those who speak English there is a big cultural gap.

I long to do normal UK things with my dcs, spend time with my family and feel like my life is more 'real'. Yet I know it could all be a huge disappointment and we could end up struggling in a shitty area and remembering all the reasons I was keen to move away in the first place.

It is the other way around for me. Born in UK, moved to SA as a child. Moved back to UK after marrying dh (who is also British) and had the dc in UK. Moved back to SA after 7 years in UK. Have no intention of moving back to UK again at all. I don't miss it a bit... This is my home, although its not my birth country. If the dc choose to relocate to UK when they are older, it will be their choice.

I'm feeling a bit "oh god, what have I done?" at the moment. Back in the UK just over a week after two years in the US feeling horribly homesick. DH is from the US but managed to get a job over here, because he says he doesn't mind where we live as long as we're settled. I thought that I wanted to leave the US because I didn't want to raise DD in a place where I'd always be worried about the cost if any of us got sick or where guns are rife, but now I'm back in the UK, all I'm noticing is the bad weather, dampness, litter (no litter where we were because nobody walked anywhere!), tiny washing machines etc.

I'm now wondering if I've made a terrible mistake, or if I'm just the kind of mardy git who'd find something to complain about wherever I was!

We are back in the UK after 12 years in Asia. Its great to be back but I am struggling with it. Missing my life back there. But it was getting too expensive, that was one of the main reasons for leaving. So now we don't have school fees, cars are cheaper, rent is cheaper. Its good to be back near family and old friends and we do think we have made the right decision however. The sun is shining at the moment which is great but I am dreading winter! As someone else said its a 50/50 thing, theres good and bad about both places. (sorry this is a bit rambling!!)

I moved 6 months ago to Australia, where DH and I grew up and met. But we have just spent the last 15 years in the UK and for me it became "home". Now back in Australia, I am homesick for England but DH refuses to go back there so I know I am stuck until my children finish school. There is actually a Facebook page for Expat stuck mums which makes for interesting reading. I miss the cool weather, soft light, accents and history. I hope to return permanently to England in 10 years time but by then will it be too late as I will have inevitably become settled here? I was interested by the top posting in this thread about people who move back after a long time and whether they regretted it, despite having longed for it.

We moved back in March after 8 long years in Brussels and 3 lovely pre kid years in Paris. Feels like I've never been away and absolutely LOVING it. I still break out in a big grin from time to time in Waitrose, especially on a Sunday. There was much that I liked in Brussels, but nothing much I miss, other than a few lovely friends. In fact it's odd I lived somewhere for so long and barely ever think about it. The kids are very happy here too even though both born in Brussels ... . It's not perfect, but then it never was. I never settled in Brussels, for whatever reason, and to me this is home.

Dear rushingrachel, that time in Brussels must have felt long, if you didn't feel you belonged. So you were away from the UK for 11 years in total. Amazing that you have come home and the gap has closed over. There is hope for people like me yet! I suppose you just have to keep in touch with people, and keep the connections alive, and probably allow a part of yourself to not "go native" wherever you are. It's more common for people who have been somewhere for a long time to become very accustomed to it. Well done for making it home in one piece. I would love to hear from anyone else who was away from UK for a long time and finally went home.

Maybe one of the things that helped it seem so familiar is that where I am from is pretty provincial. People just don't seem to leave. So there are lots of people from school still here. And my mum is 20 minutes away and my sister an hour at most. It is so much easier working with the kids and family not far away. So it's not like I just came back to the UK, I came back to my home town.

I loved Paris. But I didn't love Brussels, even though by the end I was totally accustomed to it and spoke the language very well and had some great friends and neighbours whom I miss. I think it is in the end a very individual mix of circumstances and emotions that make you settle somewhere and love it, or never settle and come to resent it.

You are right there are so many factors at play it's hard to extrapolate from one person's situation to another. You're lucky actually not to have had too much reverse culture shock. I"m looking forward to the faraway day when I can walk back into Waitrose when I'm actually living in England again, not just visiting. Till then I'm sure life will have its ups and downs.