Anyone regret moving back to the UK because they were so homesick.......

[scottswede]

Following on from the homesickness threads. I was wondering if anyone had moved back to their home country because they just couldn't settle, only to regret the move back home.....
I know everyone has bouts of homesickness, from every day to only on special occasions, from little things like not being able to buy certain foods to huge hating the weather issues. From taking a couple of months to settle to unbearable homesickness after 10 plus years.
What made you say"I just can't do this anymore"
Was moving back what you though, did you settle in, did you regret moving back, wished you'd stuck it out longer, taken more trips home to quench the thirst.
I am lucky I have the opportunity to return to the UK, with a willing dh (living in his home country now) we are making plans for next year. We have lived here for 3 years and I knew almost immediately it wasn't going to work though we have tried hard to make it, just not feeling the love.....
I know the UK is not the perfect place, but I know we can can a more enjoyable life there.

[lamii]

Not from the UK but so tempted to move back there. I lived in London for 8 years and I am now in Sweden. For some reasons, I feel more at home in England. I complained a lot about London and I was the one who wanted to live. Now I'd almost be up for it again...just to escape the darkness, the snow, the cold and the antisocial behaviour...

[Londonmarsupial]

What a fascinating thread!!! I am an Aussie who has lived OS now for over 10yrs. I daily grapple with thoughts of returning to Aus, but my partner keeps me here. I want to go home but my partner less so. No kids, no committment. But a huge amount of issues ro go home. Thx for all the insight. Never realised how many people are caught between 2 or more worlds.

[scottswede]

OP here.
Since this thread has re-surfaced I thought I'd give an update.
It's been 3.5 years since I posted so been here for just over 6 years now. Yes we are still here.
Circumstances have changed along the way, as they inevitably do, which forced us to rethink almost everything.
I still don't love it here and know deep down I never will but I have stopped fighting the system and have learned to accept all the positives here rather than dwelling on all the negatives.Not easy some days but the alternative of being unhappy, critical and altogether miserable was starting to get a bit boring for everyone
I also realised that all these guarantees I was hoping searching, longing for back in the UK we actually had here already.
The safe living environment for the children, pets and us as a family we already have here.
The good school that the children are thriving in and love we already have here.
The good friends that the children already have here.
The lovely house in the countryside albeit a work in progress that we already have.
We have been back to the Uk a few times and yes there are loads of things I miss and can never replicate here, but there are also so many things that I am glad are not the same here......
It has been , and still is some days, really hard here but all the big important things are in place right now , so that is the important thing.

[IckleWicklePumperNickle]

I have lived in the UK for 14y and no plans to move back to Africa. I love my country and my family, but we have created what we have, my own family, home ect. here. I have no yearning to go back. We have a good life. For me you make your home/life what it is. It doesn't matter where.

[manyhappydaysoutside]

A little bit heartbroken revisting this thread. Just returned from Aus with 2 kids after nearly 4 years there ( Aus husband came 8 weeks earlier because of work). Everyone unhappy. Husband morose and so angry, kids up and down, and I feel conflicted. I did like Aus but never felt loved. I know my extended family and friends will love me here in a way that I my husband never will. But I think I am happier with day to day life in Aus . Realise my husband will always resent me. He lived in UK for 15 years before we went back to Aus with kids but is completely out of love with me. Do I stay here with miserable, massive commute husband, or insist on going back to Aus ( husband insists he can't and that it's too hard to find job though we after incredibly well off by most standards) and get divorced there. He admitted he stopped bothering with me a year ago. My kids would die if we separated. I can live with unhappiness if everyone else was happy.

Sorry. Just needed to write that down.

[JeNeBaguetteRien]

Will post my experience later but in response to manyhappy sorry you're having such a rough time. Your children will be more adaptable than you think whatever you decide to do

[manyhappydaysoutside]

Thank you for your thoughts. I really appreciate your kindness.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

We were overseas (the Gulf) for 13 years. Moved back once elder dd was coming up to senior school, since we had seen too much of what Dh called 'overseas daughter syndrome' - I.e. away so many years, never able to settle back home, and feeling that a country they are never going to be a citizen of, is home. Also, although it was a wonderful life when dds were little, it would have been very unnatural once they were older - never doing 'normal' things like taking public transport, being driven everywhere, etc.

I have never regretted coming back - obviously it's different if you actually emigrate - except of course for tax free salaries. Non stop sun can get very boring and the summers were frankly horrible.

I have a long-widowed sister who has been in the US for over 30 years (east coast) and is increasingly talking about moving back. She says she still doesn't really feel at home there in the way she does here - misses the pubs! - and the politics really get up her nose, especially lately. And the climate where she lives is not very nice - very long, very cold, winters and very hot and humid summers, fly screens on all the windows because of the midges.

She has a daughter living on the other side of the country, who she doesn't see often anyway, and as she says, it's almost as cheap and easy to fly there from London as it is from her neck of the US.
I have told her more than once that while certain things get up her nose there, she will certainly find other things getting up her nose here, too, but I think she's well aware of that.

[Surreyblah]

Why did you decide to stay overseas OP? You still don't sound happy.

[Velocitractor]

Took me a while before I realised this was originally an old thread!

After 8 years abroad, I moved back to the UK with 2 small dc (from DK) in 2009. I lasted 13 months before moving back to DK. I found it difficult to adjust and there were some small differences in the culture of raising a family that I hadn't noticed when on holiday in the UK but really noticed when living again in the UK with dc. That year was a real eye-opener for me. We moved back in 2010 (have since divorced and exh, not British or Danish, has moved to a completely different country) and I have my moments but overall have realised that while I love visiting the UK, it is much easier to live here with dc and generally I like the lifestyle here more. Funnily enough OP, I now have a Swedish dp and we're looking to buy a house here (in DK) now!

I do a British cornershop order now and then to stock up on missed foods, Skype is great for UK family and friends and we go back a few times a year (flights often cheaper than train tickets and my family are incredibly spread out over the UK!) so we've found a good balance now I think. Took some years of settling and working it all out though!

[Velocitractor]

Manyhappydays - that sounds like a horrible situation. Exh and I couldn't work it out with where to live, we were just incompatible I think. But it took us 6 years before realising that and I can remember the feelings of resentment between us (both ways I think) from then. I hope you manage to find a solution whether here or in Aus.

[scottswede]

manyhappydaysoutside Sorry to hear about your situation. Unfortunately it probably happens like that for a lot of families trying to make huge decisions about where is best. More often than not one family member is usually less happy with whatever decision is made.
I would hate to see us split the family but I wouldn't be surprised if it did in the end.
I love dh and our family unit and will do what needs to be done to preserve it.
When asking "What's best for the family? then one adult is usually making that decision based on what makes them happy.
It is so hard to see your own life objectively.

[naturalbaby]

Hi, I'm been mulling over whether to move or not for a while. Ds is coming up to secondary school age, which was when we planned on moving back. Our kids education has been my priority but I feel like they're missing out on a lot because we don't speak the language fluently or fully understand the system, so can't get the best out of it.

I feel like the only reason I really want to move back is for my career and social life, both of which I gave up when we moved. Life is better here all round but I can't stop thinking about jobs and training I could do back home. Considering my options here feels like settling for something I don't really want.

[ifink]

I have just moved back to the UK. We were away for 6 years in total in two different countries. So far so good I think. It just snowed which was pretty exciting! I do feel a little removed from people and the initial excitement from other parents at meeting someone new who was living overseas will wane pretty quickly I fear. Finding school places has been an absolute nightmare for my DS in particular (year 2).....I'm feeling absolutely exhausted from all the admin involved for which I was woefully underprepared to face as i spent so much time thinking about leaving the country we were in, not joining the 'new' one. I feel confident though about the career and training opportunities I can now progress -which I couldn't do as an expat. So yes, positive so far but its early days I know.

[Bobby2013]

Thank you so much for this thread. We are in the Netherlands and it has gone Pete Tong, the job I thought was coming up didn't happen, we're in a tiny temporary apartment, and my DH has just lost out on a big job too. We're also caught up in Dutch administration nightmare, and have to get a lawyer involved. We'd be home by now if it were not that we have to hang on and see if we can sort it out before our money runs out. I am so homesick, I wanted to return in September but DH insisted we try to make it work here. Had we gone back when we did half our woes would not have happened. He sees going back as failure, while I see it as being practical in the face of dwindling savings and living in a tiny apartment with our toddler DD, all under one another's feet and going mental. Each day I'm just hanging around waiting on emails back from lawyers to see if our situation can be sorted. I know the UK is going through s**t at the moment, but we would have my mother's house to stay in while we got ourselves straight again. I just have to keep telling myself it's a matter of weeks until we get back, that all of this will be resolved. I think I was very 'green' about what living abroad would be like, that it would be like a bag of magic beans that would change our lives. Now I can see it doesn't matter where you go, it's only you that can make those changes. I've certainly had a dose of reality, and so if anything that's something to take away from this experience. Sorry to ramble on, I'm just so pleased there's somewhere I can write this down!

[ifink]

That sounds very hard bobby2013 - here's hoping it all works out one way or another. Returning to the UK isn't failure - it didn't work this time, nothing to stop you going on another adventure in the future.

[Bobby2013]

Thank you - it's more hard because we're in limbo. We at least have a date now in mind, it's just over two weeks away until we can pack up and go. I'm counting down the days!

[pjc1151]

hello myself son and daughter who live with me are adults. Ihave been here in melbourne since 1978. i am stuck in life and thinking of moving back to liverpool. i have no family here. i miss the uk and me and my kids all feel so lost and my son is hating life here in melbourne as nothing is working out for him . to try to see if we can do it to move back. to uk what would be a hindrance to us?. any advice would be so appreciated
thanks Pat x

[pjc1151]

I was born in uk and kids can live there is we move back. I married an aussie now divorced. I have lived in melb since 1978. no connections here as far as family related. I know nobody can give us an answer yes or no but just wana see what does anyone think from australia we have no family here but in uk we do. any advice please appreciated . Patricia.

[pjc1151]

do what your heart tells you . all the very best. hugs
you can reply to me if you want to. I wana move back to uk cos like you said no love here as in family. my kids are adults n my son is so down and sick of melbourne . he def needs a brand new start. theyre adults but we need each other if we do move back to uk then he at least can move on .my head is all over the place thinking about how to do it all. i will at least get a council house in uk as i am retired, here in australia ill be on the streets. any ADVICE ANYONE ??

[pjc1151]

How are you going with the UK now?. job easy to get houses? cost of living?. if you wouldnt mind replying. much appreciated. were thinking of moving back. uk born n bread , aus has nothing for us. no family etc etc.

[Newbrummie]

Job was easy enough for me, finding a house was a whole different ball game. We live in an absolute dump because it was all we could get renting privately