MASSIVELY HOMESICK - shake me out of my gloom

[CrystalDeCanter]

Pom in Oz, Adelaide to be precise, been here for a.g.e.s and generally love it but today have got myself into a right tizzy.

Am furiously googling flights to London (hey $8,000 no can do), houses in my old town and in my parents town (JEEZUS). I've just spent 30 mins boring a work colleague with talk of Cornish holidays and am desperate to go home and see my mummeeeee.

I'm 45 for Christs sake.

How do I shake myself out of it? My mums been ill which is what's prompted the current wave of longing for home, but I only went back in Sept last year and no way can afford to go again.

Am almost in tears here .

Someone give me a kick.

Big KICK... Sent

Hope you find a way out of the gloom... Can you fly your mum over? Reciprocal healthcare.. They need not know she is sick ;0)

I can't give you a kick as I'm the same. I don't care about weather or beaches.

Not helpful, but you aren't alone. Being an immigrant is hard work.

It's a fecking grind sometimes innit Savoy. Are you moving back , I seem to remember that you were talking about going home? (I've nc from ClaudiaSchiffer)

Thanks Chloe. Can't get my mum over here just yet as she's too poorly - but hopefully soon - maybe Christmas.

Australia's all well and good - and I'm looking out of my work window at glittering sea and sunny afternoon but bloody hell it's a LONG WAY home when you want to go.

Been very homesick here in Sing this last month. I put it down to having finally settled my two boys (husband and DS), then getting a bad case of vertigo. Finally with everything cooling off I had the chance to see where we were, and EEK!

Longtimers must have moments of claustrophobia. From my short experience of expat life (9 months) I must say I just ride out the tough times going along with how I feel on the day: stay indoors sometimes, rejecting invites, go mad with the social life other days. It is exhausting and wearing and if anyone has the answer please let me know.

Good luck.
[On a good week finally - how nice it is!]

Can't kick either except to say you are not alone and it does usually pass - I've been in NZ for nearly 11 years and had a major wobble earlier this year. There is usually a reason and your Mum not being well is a good reason. Mine - my Grandad died, my Nan turned 90, my Dad had a heart attack and needed surgery, my sister is pregnant with again ( adding to the nieces and nephews I never see). Likewise I am of a similar age and also went back last October so no go this year either - I feel more settled than I did a few months ago so it does pass. I do sometimes wonder whether it goes completely or just resurfaces every now and again. Treat yourself if you can doing something that reminds you of what you like about Oz. I spent a weekend at the beach on my own, walking, reading and doing yoga - came back rejuvenated.

Hope you're feeling better today. I had a huge homesickness crisis last year when my dad was ill and I just felt soooo far away from everything that was going on. It's so much harder if you're not there to really see what is happening and having to rely on phone calls. Nothing very helpful to you I know but it will get better again especially if you are generally happy where you are. I've been away from the UK 12 years and I still have those horrible homesick moments that last a bit and then you forget about it again and realise how great life is where you are.

Nothing to add really except you're not alone! I'm the other way around though, in London and desperate to get back to Aus. I have found that not looking at things to do with Aus helps (went through a mad stage of wanting to buy a house back home so was looking all the time, thinking about life in Aus etc) but it just made it worse. When I just crack on with life here it does pass.

But it's shit. And unless you're a long way from home it's hard for others to understand. I laugh (on the inside) when my friends here tell me they know what it's like to have no support as their parents are an hours drive away and only mind DC once in a blue moon.

As my DH is from this side of the world we are always going to have that issue of one of us being far away from home, and as I said before, it's shit

Hope you feel better soon though and your mum is able to make the trip out at Christmas.

Thank you all. I'm home now, still feel all discombobulated but have had a nice long chat to my folks.

WhataSook - my dh is Aussie and LOVES it here, there's no way he'd want to go back to the UK after spending 10 yrs there. So we're pretty much here for the duration - I can't think about it though as the thought of living here forever drives me demented.

Alberodi, you're absolutely right, it does come and go. Sorry to hear that your dad has been ill - I hope you got to get over and spend some time with him.

Sibble your week at the beach sounds amazing - was that alone- NO KIDS???? what utter bliss.

Crystal We are planning on making the move home in the next 12 - 18 months but I've always said to DH that it doesn't have to be forever, I just need to be near my family while the DC are young.

Could you and your DH come up with a compromise, to re-evaulate when the DC are older? I would HATE that I couldn't go home, or move from home (whatever took my fancy )

I always think we'll end up in southern Europe when we're old...it's either there or the Gold Coast - ha!

I was only in Aus for 5.5yrs but I used to find the time equivalent to UK summertime (if you can call it that!) pretty depressing as nothing seemed to happen from Easter until Christmas. It used to really drag on as there were no cultural markers or events & altho the weather was fine for a Pom the Aussies would be all down about it being so cold & moan on about it! Do you do Christmas in July? I wasn't keen myself but maybe you could plan it as something to look forward to & make it a special time.

Yes, it was only a weekend but blissfully child free - a yoga retreat so all my food cooked for me as well and no dishes - bliss.

I am planning on spending 6 months here and 6 months in the UK when the dss are older. Get the best of both summers. A friend currently does exactly that and contracts for work. Of course we may never be able to afford it and it may never happen but it keeps me sane!

Aw! Hits us all regardless of age and length of stay. Poor you, go with the feeling, wallow a bit.. And then maybe put on something really gloomy from UK (Eastenders ?)! Anyone you can talk to/skype in RL?

I am very lucky in that my Aussie DH seems perfectly happy here in the UK! We've been here 10 years after me being in Oz 15 years, 7 with him. There's a real potential problem if one of you always feels 'the foreigner, abroad'. Thankfully, DH doesn't appear to! Though the boys, now 12 and 14, talk about heading back over but of course, they can. It's their life- and if they both go, and once my aged mother is no longer with us, hey, maybe we can return? I wouldn't rule it out but it'd be my choice which is the major thing.

I guess DH's not 'typically' Aussie. He likes country walks, real ale, kulcha, a vibrant and decent media (yes really, compared to Queensland!) and doesn't do sand, sea'n'surf. Nor do the DCs!

Funnily enough, I had just entered a stage in my early 30s life, living in Oz, single, in a shared house, things pottering along where I thought 'OK, what now? Where's this all going? Maybe time to 'go home''- when I met DH! That revitalised my life no end and started my parents actually coming over to visit me (they came over 8 times in all!). DH and I decided to 'give the UK a go' 10 years ago and we decided to stay.

I don't really miss Australian life, tbh.