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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Are we mad, regarding a move to france

93 replies

floodybuck · 21/06/2012 14:29

I don?t know if we have totally lost the plot. My OH is having to work from home due to a new company taking over. He is on a very good wage. He has suggested a move to France. I can give up the job I hate, and he will work from home in France. We have no children yet and only 2 dogs and a cat. neither of us speak French to any use, but are very willing to learn. Are we totally mad to be planning a move? We will rent out our property over here. OH will need to come back to uk now and again to see customers. I am very excited, and cant wait.

are there any things we should be aware of? etc

OP posts:
TouTou · 22/06/2012 14:22

Rubarb - that is a very good point about sociability.

I'm incredibly gregarious, and that's held me in good stead. I'd talk to a doorhandle! The lovely Japanese woman is introverted. Compare:
After one year - I can read most newpaper articles, watch a film and understand about 70%, chat to the woman at the grocers (very badly with my tenses all over the place!). She has not fully immersed herself in - no job, no college, and is very lonely and can't even ask for a coffee properly.

But ...I feel lonely at times, and would love to have an ex-pat community to shun nearby! Where we live, the French people are content to socialise with old friends and family only. It's hard to break into the inner circle. All the immigrants in the class have found the same. I wouldn't leave now, but I certainly would advise caution to anyone just buying. Put a toe in the water first perhaps! You live on a boat - obviously you are adventurous, that is in your favour. It can be great living abroad, but until you've lived somewhere, you may not even be aware of the parts that might be the stumbling blocks, so renting is perhaps best. I'm incredibly glad we did. We are moving to a more family friendly area. This area seemed nice, but is very 'touch-me-not' and I've never seen or spoken to our neighbours. It's a bit strange really...

floodybuck · 22/06/2012 14:22

richman we travel around. We used to live on a mooring, but hated it. It felt far to restricting.

We love living on the tow path, and if you get a horrible neightbour moor up next to you just move!

Thank you all for the productive advice.

OP posts:
TheRhubarb · 22/06/2012 14:33

That's the thing with adventures, we can tell you all about what it's like to live in France for us but you need to experience yourself because our experiences are just that.

For instance my experience is different to TouTou's. Our neighbours became our good friends (helped by the fact that they had just moved from Paris and our children were both the same age and both new to the school) and yes language was an issue, but my daughter learnt very quickly and was often able to help out when we struggled. We also made many other friends in the local area including a lady from Liverpool who had married a Frenchman and now owned a winery.
All of these people are still in touch with us and we visit them whenever we are down there. Of the ex-pats we did know, they were mainly English women married to Frenchmen.

The only way to find out is to give it a go. In your position, I'd be there already!

Takver · 22/06/2012 15:12

I would absolutely give it a go - we did exactly the same in our late 20s moving to Spain - but I just wouldn't buy straight away, no matter how tempting.

Having said that we did buy straight away, but we'd been visiting the area we moved to for 5 years beforehand, knew a lot of people there, knew that the village we were moving to was one where we were pretty much guaranteed to be able to sell if we wanted (and also our house only cost £15K so it wasn't risking so much if we did have to walk away).

I would definitely go for the move to France though, we were in Spain for 6 years (came back for family reasons) and it was a great experience, I'm really glad to have done it at that point in my life.

floodybuck · 22/06/2012 15:20

TheRhubarb: We are fairly social, living on a boat is a very social thing. chatting to people walking past, dog walkers, nosey buggers. also other boaters. we meet up with our friends of weeks at a time and have a jolly good time. BUT we also enjoy our own company. have been known to seek out a very deserted bit of canal for peace and quiet.

I think we will enjoy it. we are very outdoorsy people. thank you for your advice. I think we will do a lot more research and just go for it! I realise this is drip feeding but we have our boat here, that we are selling but i also own property here, so if the shit hits we always have some where to run to!

OP posts:
sommewhereelse · 22/06/2012 15:40

Have you seen this forum about Creuse?

pontnoir

ByTheWay1 · 22/06/2012 15:55

Do it early in life - my dad retired to France and died over there - what a bloody nightmare!!! Sorting out where the money/property goes with 4 estranged kids and a new wife was "interesting" to say the least.

They lived in the middle of bloody nowhere - no public transport, didn't speak French - she didn't drive - all was great until dad got a brain tumour and was dispatched to a regional hospital 50 miles away from their house.... for 4 months before he died...

If you want to be social, choose your region of France carefully!

sparkybabe · 22/06/2012 17:04

'I am thinking of moving to Afghanistan and opening a Sexshop - I don;t speak the language and I am a virgin. Am i mad?' = YES.

'I want to move 100 miles over the channel, where my dh can work and i can learn the language (fairly easily) and rent a big house. Am i mad?'

Why are you asking?

frenchfancy · 22/06/2012 17:46

i can learn the language (fairly easily)

What on earth make you think learning a language is easy sparky? Learning French is by far the hardest thing I have ever done - and I'm still learning. People think you can just pick it up by some sort of ozmosis - you'll be fluent in 6 months kind of thing. That will be why there are so many ex-pats living here who ten years on still can't string a sentence together

TheRhubarb · 22/06/2012 17:55

Still seething over Bonsoir's comments about me tbh.

sparkybabe, where those meant to be comparisons? Because they just don't work if they were.

My best mate, let's call him Pete, had a steady job and a cool bachelor pad. He drove a sports car, was not short of girlfriends and had a great social life. All was going well until he had an accident. He got thumped in the face which burst his eye, shooting his lens out. The other eye was already quite bad because of a degenerative disease but this good eye had received a transplant and he had 20:20 vision, until now.

He became blind, moved into his parents, had to leave work, couldn't drive and for a while his life stopped.

They couldn't save the eye so they worked on the other one. It was too far gone to receive a transplant so they developed an artifical lens, like a contact lens but much, much thicker. This took 18 months. During that time he did a lot of thinking about his life and where he was going.

He had sight after a year for around 2 weeks every month whilst they fiddled with the new lens. He decided to take a TEFL course, then ESOL. He had a mad idea that he could get the highest qualification and open his own language school, but he wanted to make up for lost time. He realised that he'd been wasting his life doing 9-5 and just ticking over. He realised how valuable life was and he wanted to see as much of the world as he could.

He passed with flying colours and as soon as the lens was sorted, he applied and got a job teaching English at a Moscow University. Why Moscow? He had studied Russian history as part of his degree and spoke a little, just the basics. So he went out there. He'd never done anything like it before. He loved it. He spent 18 months teaching English. He met a wonderful woman but he wanted to travel more, so he applied to teach in Vietnam. He asked her to go with him. When she agreed he asked her to marry him.

He's now in Saigon teaching English and writing for the Saigon Times. He plans to open his school in Georgia where he will marry his girlfriend.

He's so far travelled through Kiev, Uzbekistan, Krakow and Ho Chi Minh. He's living life the way it should be lived. He's taking risks yes, and sure those risks could prove to be disastrous but he takes the rough with the smooth now because he knows just how precious every minute is. Ok, he didn't nearly die or anything but he did have an epiphany of sorts. He realised that doing an office job day in and day out, meeting the same old people, visiting the same old places and getting into a routine was not living out his dreams or ambitions and this gave him the shove he needed.

He has thanked the man who punched him because it changed his life for the better.

So I say, go for it, take those risks. Be prepared for things not to work out, be prepared to take the rough with the smooth and have fun doing it because one thing is for sure, you might regret not taking that chance, but you will never regret having that adventure.

If you PM me I can give you the link to my friend's blog so you can read more.

sparkybabe · 22/06/2012 19:02

I am just replying to those posters who are saying 'oooooh, you can't speak the language, it's too remote, you'll be lonely, you can't do it'

OP can, it's only france! It's not afghanistan. It's a similar culture (ie you will be able to drive - unlike in saudi- and work, and drink, and won;t need to wear 'appropriate' garments.

And as for picking up a language - it is far far easier when you live in the country than learning in a school over here. I speak german and french (and am still learning) and am learning spanish - no it's not easy. But if you want to learn, you can. I have a part-turkish exDH, prev DP before that was from Eire, my best friend is Czech, i am half german, my DP is South African. People do move about without so much soul-searching. It is not madness.

And rhubarb, an inspirational post. As I said upthread, if you deliberate and plan and research and what-if, you are more likely to talk yourself out of it. It's an adventure. You either are cut out for it or you stay at home. Both are good, but one is not for me.

TouTou · 22/06/2012 19:14

I also think your post was great Rhubarb.

I also think that emigrating is like childbirth and having young children. Some people find it easy, some find it difficult. All forget, with time, how awful some parts can be and so are able to be breezy about the 'you'll pick it up' etc. Of course you will - in time.

The biggest part of any big move/childbirth etc is knowledge. You can't forsee every disaster/difficulty. Had I had a lovely neighbour like Rhubarbs I would have loved that. As it was, I'm a little isolated where we live and so happy we didn't buy as I am isolated in the middle of town (which is odd). Remember, forced isolation is very different to chosen isolation. As you said, you have lots of day to day contact with people at present to sustain what you need. If you lived in the middle of the countryside and can't hold a basic conversation and have a young baby and a gorgeous farm but a leaking roof, that could be a problem.
I was given recommendations about where to live, but chose to live in where I thought the 'fun' part of town was. I wish I'd listened to everyone more carefully and not dismissed their concerns.
I do think you will make a go of it though and this is certainly a great time in your life to do so!

TheRhubarb · 22/06/2012 20:19

Sorry sparklybabe, totally got the wrong end of your post there!

I think this life is awfully short and if you don't live it then it's kinda wasted. There are people who live in the same house all their lives, work for the same company since they were 16, have the same friends, do the same things every weekend and have a set routine.

I couldn't do that. For me, that's not living that's just existing. Your call OP.

laptopwieldingharpy · 23/06/2012 01:13

Oh just go for it! life is too short!

If either of us had a portable job and a enough for a house deposit we'd try every destination we ever fantasied about! 2 years on an island, 2 years on a mountain etc....

However, we have to be realistic and be in a city where we are employable. Which has not stopped us in the least. We have lived and worked in 4 european countries and 2 in Asia of the past 15 years.
Have done 4 destinations with kids so far and the language barrier is a red herring. If you really want to be somewhere, you'll get by.

Isolation(even in a big city) is something you have to take into account when you have a toddler, but you have a good year or 2 before you think about small children and a few more before you contemplate schooling dilemmas.

So much can happen in 2 years. Typically for us that can be move to a country, come back to UK and move on to another continent within months. Having another baby starting a new school and going back to work full time with a total career change.
Only to start all over 3-4 years later.
When we started on this path, we did not know where it would take us. We also decided to set roots a few times along the way only to see life throw difficulties or opportunities that led us elsewhere.

If that's what you feel is right and right now in your life, just go and be prepared to re-adjust along the way.

Why not live on a boat for a bit? lots of beautiful canals to explore before you make up your mind on a set region if you still have the fantasy of renovating an old farmhouse.
The netherlands and Belgium are also a great place to live and definitely a good place to raise small children if you want them to be anglophile and fluent i another language.

therhubarb forget it. I was also a bit Hmm at Bonsoir's post but that's just her being the worldly parisienne. What would a french thread be without one?

helenthemadex · 23/06/2012 19:32

I would say go for it but as many others have suggested rent first that way you can find out if the area really suits you before commiting, renting it not difficult

Be prepared though, life can be quite hard and not speaking the language does make it harder. I came over here with two children aged 2 and 1 and very little french, if someone had given me a ticket back to the UK in the first 18 months I would have snatched their hand off. I felt very very isolated

I loved the idea of being in a lovely big farmhouse with loads of land, but the reality of it with two small children put me off, simple things like what I would do if one of my dc was ill, long trips to school and the winters which are quiet bad here etc finally we settled on a house in a smallish town and for me this was certainly the right move, it is a lovely friendly town, lovely schools, good doctors and facilities and not to far from larger towns and airports for trips home.

The french although generally very friendly and sociable, \i have found do tend to socialise quite differently, usually with family and old friends. Being invited round for coffee is quite a big deal and quite formal, certainly initially. Having children has helped loads with making friends, lots of school events and of course birthday parties

My advice would be to be involved in your community events, show your face at as many events in the commune as you possibly can don't rule out having friends who are ex-pats, they can be helpful and sometimes its nice to talk to people who have experience of certain things.

Now I wouldn't want to come back, and believe me I have been through some hard times, I love the more laid back family focused lifestyle, I love the schools where the children are taught respect and receive a good education, the health service is good, treatment is fast and very good, the tax system is really not to bad when you get into it. I still am not fluent in the language, its not easy, the french have slang words, join words together the same as we do, but I know speak enough to be able to have a conversation and not make a complete knob of myself

Bon Chance

tb · 19/07/2012 11:58

The only problem with your plans is that, legally I think, your oh's employer will have to create a French subsidiary with him as its employee. He will then have to pay tax and social charges in France. The good thing about that is that it will get him and you into the social security/healthcare system.

As for socialising, well, we have been in France for nearly 6 years, living in a village with about 1000 people, although a highish proportion of houses only open in the holidays, and despite being open, friendly and sending 'new home' cards we have not once been invited to neighbours' homes. In fact, a neighbour told me that smiling is considered as a sign that someone is lying, whereas in the UK it's considered as a sign of being open, communicative etc.

Would love to have French friends, it just seems very very difficult to find them.....

sagenod · 19/07/2012 12:28

I moved to France aged 22 (following my heart), so 7 years ago now. Fluent French to bilingual standard. I don't really mix with the expat community as dp is French. Making friends is hard, admin and dealing with bureaucracy can be complicated and time consuming, state schools and even nurseries only really cater to 'normal' children I'm my experience.
Food is extremely expensive, especially meat.
The job market is saturated, and those with more vocational qualifications stand a much higher chance of getting work.
Houses are not selling too well, renting makes better sense, especially for a potentially short stay.

Would I move Back to the UK? Never.

France is still a fab place to live and my children have a quality of life which I wouldn't have been able to give them in the UK.

Do your research though op, about the legalities of working from home, about insurance, healthcare, learning the language etc, then make an informed decision.

Bonne chance Et Bon courage...

tb · 19/07/2012 18:19

Had another thought, have you looked at the forum on sites like www.frenchentree.com? They will give you answers to many of your questions such as the practicality of what you are suggesting for your oh's work, the things you need to know to deal with edf/gdf, water etc etc

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