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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Original poster

How Do You Have 'The Chat' About Emigration?

15 replies

Highlander · 23/04/2011 16:16

ILs are v elderly. We've been temporarily overseas before, but they think we're back for good.

Bluntly, we're not staying in the UK to hover over them until they die. We've got our whole lives in front of us (sounds callous)

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 24/04/2011 06:16

Are you going away for good though? We've been overseas for eleven years now, it was supposed to be for two.
While we've been away, my MiL died, one of my nieces was really poorly and we have had a baby.
We never told anyone how long we expected to be away for, luckily for me, my parents didn't ask but MiL kept whining about DH moving back to be with her.

Original poster
Highlander · 24/04/2011 19:40

aha, that's a cunning idea. I did think of that, but I felt it was a bit dishonest.

OP posts:
Sibble · 25/04/2011 04:33

I also did the 'we're only going for 2 years line'. TBH at the time I was giving it 2 years. Not sure if it was the best thing as I was under constant pressure not to like it at first - family seemed disappointed when we seemed to be settling. However, who knows what might have happened - we could have been back after 2 years or less.

cjdamoo · 25/04/2011 05:19

we just told my rents outright that this was what we were doing. After some wailing they came round. Inlaws were in Oz already so not an issue.

MadamDeathstare · 25/04/2011 05:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bigleaf · 26/04/2011 06:49

Unless you're definitely going "forever" I agree that it's easy to swallow in bite sized chunks.

We moved to the Middle East 3 years ago "for two years"- then actually moved to Asia after a year and are still here- likely to be here at least another 3 (have admitted that to parents btw).

Parents have got used to it, appreciate our reasons for wanting to be here, and actually quite like it I think as they get long holidays and I go back for 6 wks in the summer.

Original poster
Highlander · 26/04/2011 08:51

hmm, seems like pretending it's just for 2 years is the consensus!

cheers ladies Smile

OP posts:
Bigleaf · 26/04/2011 10:23

Highlander

The thing is, it's not really about deception. It's more about facing the very strong possibility that it won't be forever. Many people leave the UK flicking the V's and saying "Ha, I'm never coming back." and then do decide that actually it's not that bad, they miss family and friends, hot weather 12 months a year ain't all that great in reality, and decide to come home.

I don't know you so don't know your reasons for moving, where you're going and how sure you are, but I think it's hard to know until you're there......so the "we're going for 2 years" thing is more about managing expectations, for you, as well as those you're leaving behind IYSWIM.

Kiwinyc · 26/04/2011 10:38

We really don't know. We might last one year, it might be five. We may never return to the UK, who knows.

If we could predict the future I'd be putting that wisdom into selecting lottery numbers! ;) Point is, we have to live our lives, not what our (sometimes clingy) parents would prefer.

lollystix · 26/04/2011 22:36

We're seriously thinking about emigrating - waiting on finalising job offer. Haven't told family but would be gone in about 4 months if it works out. My plan was spinning the '2 year' yarn to them all too as it may only be 2 if we don't like it. Unfortunately I think MIL will be devastated and will literally start phoning every day once we hit year 2 asking why we haven't come back. I'm dreading telling them all...for those of u who've done it, is there any easy way?

Original poster
Highlander · 27/04/2011 13:33

we've lived o/seas before and we did come home for loads of reasons (financial, SIL was v ill).

I hear from Auckland next Monday if I've got a job. Just need to find Dh one, given his salary is 4X mine Wink

OP posts:
lollystix · 27/04/2011 14:05

Highlander - u from Scotland? Where u heading to in Auckland? That's where we would most likely be going (slight possibility of chch)

Original poster
Highlander · 27/04/2011 16:44

yes, Lolly, I'm from Perth Smile

Have applied for jobs at Auckland Uni, would prob live in Mt Eden/Epsom.

OP posts:
lollystix · 27/04/2011 20:05

We're Edinburgh and would be looking at that area too as commute to north shore too much I think. Dh trying to sort the transfer out with his work (Easter hols r seriously getting in the way) and I'd look for contract work probs CBD when we get kids sorted with schools and nurseries. Hopefully would be going August/sept if it all works out.

lollystix · 27/04/2011 20:05

We're Edinburgh and would be looking at that area too as commute to north shore too much I think. Dh trying to sort the transfer out with his work (Easter hols r seriously getting in the way) and I'd look for contract work probs CBD when we get kids sorted with schools and nurseries. Hopefully would be going August/sept if it all works out.

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