How do you let go of your UK life?

[alfabetty]

My friend is about to move overseas with her DP's work. She's happy to go with him, but I can see she's finding it hard to let go of her life here.

Although they are not taking furniture etc, she hasn't got a clue about what to take, what to leave, how ruthless to be. How many toys should she take or throw out? (Her DCs are 3 and 5).

Kitchen stuff? Pots and pans? Crockery?

And if she's not taking furniture, can she air freight all her stuff - toys, child's bike, clothes, etc (to Far East)?

Or do you find you buy new when you arrive and regret dragging all the old stuff from the UK?

Any practical advice or tips I can pass on please?

I think there was a thread on here recently about what to take overseas. If she is planning on taking furniture she needs to make sure that it will be ok there in terms of humidity splitting wood - that kind of thing.

For toys again depends on where she's going but they may be unavailable or expensive where she is going so may not need to take them.

We bought mostly new when we got here as we rented our house furnished but did bring crockery and pans etc. We didn't have children then so can't comment on the toy situation other than that they are expensive here as are children's clothes so I tend to stock up when back in the UK.

Re freight we only bought a couple of pieces of furniture and so only filled part of a sea freight container the rest was air flown so I would say yes it's possible to do all air - will depend on what (assuming being paid by her DH's company) is included.

I think most people tend to regret not bringing more stuff. If in doubt, take it.

are work paying for shipping? if so, take as much as you can - send all toys well in advance except for a small suitcase worth of stuff that can be ditched when you run out of baggage room.

remember that you will have to set up everything - from kitchen bins to wooden spoons. and if you don't take stuff, and buy more when you get there, if you end up coming back, you will then have two kitchen bins etc etc etc. (i assume furniture etc is staying in storage in the uk?)

take everything.
take everything.
take everything.

(proud owner of about 4 kitchen bins, 5 hand whisks, could feed about 50 happily with china and cutlery )

not electricals though

and bizarrely, i always go and buy a shedload of new shiny gorgeous teatowels and a couple of oilcloth table cloths to send ahead - the old ones stay with me and get binned when the final stuff goes to storage. it's unnecessary, but always makes me laugh when i unpack boxes.

it costs a fortune to recreate a household from scratch. honest.particularly with kids.

and always take pictures/ mirrors/ your own 'home' artwork etc.

If her DP's work is paying for the move, then take as much as possible. It can be difficult to get stuff in a new place as the shops aren't organised as you are used to - which sounds daft but is really annoying.

I really went through our stuff before we moved, and regretted throwing a lot of it out/giving it away. Having your own stuff around you makes a huge difference to how you settle I think, because you have your "home place", somewhere very familiar when everything around you is strange. Also buying stuff is both time consuming and expensive. Especially as you have no bearings in the new place, so no idea as to where you can buy the sort of thing that you like (I this a real issue when I moved from London where I've lived most of my life to New York City. In London I would have known without really thinking about it where to buy curtain material, kitchen stuff etc, but in NYC I had to build that knowledge base again).

Air freight is possible but very expensive.

We took everything except furniture (didnt really have any as both sold our apartments furnished to first time buyers)- mainly because both sets of parents served notice on having their garages used as overflow storage so we figured it was a good time to consolidate all the stuff and decide what to keep. We basically had a massive clear out before we went which is really important because the packers will just pack everything- I know someone who unwrapped a bubble wrapped item to find it contained half a broken toilet seat.

To prepare for the packers, go through every drawer/ cupboard and gather things into sets (so get all the stationary together, all the saucepans together, all the linen together, all the toys together) and it will be much easier to unpack at the other end. Ebay/ car boot/ chairty shop anything you dont need (we had 24 european plug adapters- how? why?). Be ruthless- how many of your books are you ever going to read again?

She will also probably find around £200 of loose change in ashtrays, drawers, down the sofa etc- v satisfying to take this to the change sorter

Most companies offer a limited amount of air freight plus shipping so it depends how much air freight allowance she gets.

Electrics- I would take if the sockets/ voltage are compatiable. Not sure where she's going in the Far East, but HK has UK plug sockets so can use everything from the UK.

HTH

The cost of shipping seemed very expensive do me, DH and our 3month DD took what we were allowed on the plane (3 suitcases and 3 carry on's).

Rest is in our storage locker of mum and dad. Only kept a few bits of furniture and moved in a rented fully furnished place for 2 months (which we then decided to stay on).

Brought a power transfer so some of our electrical goods will work in the US.

Think it comes down to cost and country (figured anything we'd want would easily find in the US, Asia for example would be harder to find way around)

I'd only just finished my PhD so we weren't professionally set-up in our home

We had a 10 foot skip prior to leaving England.And ditched ALL the clutter.. no way was I boxing up toot.

I charity shopped most of my old clothes, womens refuge got all our kitchen stuff and the rest was skipped.

We also have a storage room at Big Yellow for a few antiques, and the photo albums/childhood stuff. (which is expensive but our table is 10 foot long and it'd taken years to find the perfect one so theres no way I was going to get rid of it)

One mistake we did make is that we shipped most of ds's toys (hopefully we will get them this week!) In hindsight we should have paid extra to air freight a couple of essential boxes.

Furniture we have bouught here (had no idea wha sort of place we'd be living in) and have bought out IKEA for kitchen goods.

We have shipped books and a few pictures (and my childhood teddy bear..I wish I'd packed that to go with us!)

Thank you! I'll call her today.

She's getting all her relocation paid, but I think she had planned to leave furniture as her stuff is due for renewal.

Bit of a mixed view - she'd planned to start again from scratch (they are going for 5 years) but then decided that kitchen bits would cost a fortune so she's taking them. And the kids would miss some of their favourite toys, so they are coming too.

She said there's an IKEA so she'll be able to buy basics quite easily. but as others say, she's in a quandry about mirrors, rugs, lamps, photo frames.

Good tip about sending some stuff on ahead.

if it's being paid for, then stuff like that isn't necessary so waiting for it isn't a problem. Go for it I reckon

It's a mistake to not take your furniture - you need your familiar comforts when you move a long way a way.

Take everything, and replace it as and when you want/need/can afford to.

Personally I love the fresh start.

I'll have my familiar comfort when I get my teddy bear

Unless you air freight I can't see the point in shipping household pots and pans.. I would have had to buy temporary replacements for the 7 weeks its taken to get here

(7 weeks on eating out ? I'd be the size of a house!)

Good advice words, unless the stuff will be there when you arrive, forget pots and pans unless they are special.
When we left Thailand, our shippers hadn't put our stuff on the boat because we hadn't paid a bill they hadn't sent. It took around 9 weeks before our stuff arrived in Switzerland. Nine weeks of using three plates, mugs, sets of cutlery etc. DD was without the majority of her toys and DH didn't have the books he needed for work.

I've spoken to her, I think she's considering a shipping container, with decorative things (rugs, mirrors, pictures), a couple of bits of furniture that might be handy, her nicest dinner service and wine glasses, special pots and pan (she's a Le Creuset fan so worth shipping I guess!), bigger toys, bikes etc to leave 2 months before she does, so it will be nearly there when she arrives, then a suitcase (or ten) of special toys plus clothes, one set of bedding, towels, a few plates and mugs etc to fly with them. Then a whip around IKEA on arrival for things they need immediately.

Does that sound sensible?

She's going to look at what it will cost for part of a container, which she thinks is an option.

Thanks for your advice, I think it has helped clarify her thinking, she was a bit at sea

we keep back a small selection of pots and pans - and have been known to post a box of last minute stuff to ourselves as we get on the plane. everything else goes in advance, and the posted stuff gets there pretty quickly. it isn't that expensive if it's just a couple of boxes.

Sounds sensible. We had a shared container which worked OK although they can take longer, depending on how popular your route is (they wait until the other half is full before shipping). We didn't send anything ahead because we didn't have a house lined up to send it to, so we had about a eight week wait of living with the absolute minimum, air beds, a cheap crockery starter kit, minimal pots and pans etc. Getting the container was a very exiting day!

I have to admit that a large amount of our shipment was boxes of books. I wouldn't be happy without my personal library.

me too but i didn't bring them all this time - some still in storage (only got four tall bookcases full here). they lost a box of them - but i've got so many i have no idea which ones are missing.

I would not take my best dinner service and wine glasses unless you have original invoices to show insurers in case of a mishap.

yes to rugs/mirrors/frames/toys to keep surroundings familiar. Yes also to expensive crockery, nothing better for settling than a little cooking ceremony for your family when all is laid out in your new home.

re IKEA: am on my 5th move since 2005 and that has involved crossing vast seas and continents,I can vouch for the fact that it does hold up better than a lot of the more expensive furniture even after multiple dismantlings.
BUT! what is the point of all this crappy furniture that you keep buying and ditching with every move? Just get a good piece that will follow you and be a keepsake of a particular experience when you move on.
Please tell her not to rush into IKEA. From experience, you always end up just a few short weeks down the line finding local shops with nicer, sometimes cheaper wares.

Agree with those who've said it depends on how long they are going for and whether work is paying.

We moved a lot as a family and the only time my parents bothered taking furniture was when heading back to the UK - they've got some lovely pieces back home now! In some Asian countries furniture will be really cheap (as will electrical and household goods) but obviously in others - Japan, Singapore - it wont.

It also depends on the mindset - do they want to integrate or live in a little England bubble by transporting their UK home overseas?

The one luxury I would suggest taking is BOOKS - plates are plates everywhere, but finding a wide range of affordable books in English is impossible in some places - they should raid the local Oxfam before they go and take a couple of year's worth of reading!! Books also make somewhere more homely....

Alternatively when DW and I got married we managed to trim down the combined contents of our two households to whatever would fit into a Mazda campervan for the drive to Spain; we gave most of the rest away! (though there is some stuff in my parent's attic, alongside random buts of African furniture!) We both found it very liberating actually getting rid of so much stuff...