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Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!

998 replies

mowly77 · 05/08/2023 17:46

I’m expecting tumbleweed. But I’ve jumped over from the lovely supportive threads I’ve been on for general cancer - latest one here-

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4863468-cancer-support-thread-89-the-best-thread-that-no-one-wants-to-be-on?reply=128175880

to see if there’s any interest in a separate thread. I often feel like such a derailing buzzkill on the general cancer threads as there are so many shapes, sizes, flavours of cancer & so many different issues when you’re being treated to be cured as opposed to being treated palliatively.

And those of us unlucky enough to be incurable, and let’s face it, dead, sooner rather than later from this insidious disease, have our own concerns and darknesses. And admin. And hopefully some good days. Please, please let there be more good days.

Help, advice, dark humour and support are the aims. There are wonderful people on the cancer support threads & I often feel guilty for trauma-dumpling my tales of woe on it, to those dealing with their own, but different, bullshit.

Anyway —- come on in, the door is open. All I have to offer today are tales of woe about NHS incompetence & updates on the state of my bowels.

Here’s ‘my story’ - my bullshit story I wish wasn’t true but here we are. Please share yours if you would like.

estrogen+ BC diagnosed age 36, v aggressive, 3 tumours, 2 very large. Right mastectomy. No lymph node involvement. 5 miserable months of old school FEC poison. Then diagnosed BRCA2+. Left risk reducing mastectomy. Then crickets from the NHS. No one told me NED but indeed I had none. So for 11 years I love my life.

I give birth in 2018 to my DD, conceived via IVF, as my reproductive capabilities did not survive the FEC. Had my ovaries removed shortly after as per advice for BRCA2 patients . THEY DIDN’T BOTHER TO FURNISH ME WITH ANY ADVICE ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH SUDDEN SURGICAL MENOPAUSE WITH NO HRT THOUGH. And a baby in the mix! I’m still v cross about that.

Right when I wasn’t expecting it, when I thought I had ‘beaten’ the ten year survival rates (hahhhha, that fucker came back. After much faffing from utterly shitballs hospital trust finally diagnosed metastatic, stage 4, incurable, spread in my lungs, pleura and sternum. This was March 2022 when my daughter was 3.5

I’ve since had 15 rounds of Paclitaxel (first 3 months some shrinkage; last 3 months total failure, back where started) & then managed to get moved to Royal Marsden in London with great effort as my oncologist was so bad, so rude & she made my life a misery. I started on the ‘gentler’ regime of Palbociclib & Letrozole and whilst I was battling horrible side effects from those I had a 6 month run of clear scans and I was finally getting to grips with the treatment. Then the other shoe dropped and the bastard cancer is growing again. I’m still on Palbo & Letrozole while they test my blood for an enzyme that will determine if I can move on to Capecitabine. Which I’m terrified of! Better the devil you know.

In the meantime I’m in America with my family (who all live here) trying and failing to communicate with the NHS over email to see if I can fly home earlier than scheduled so they can see me quicker and get me on Cape asap because I’m really not doing well.

I can have a ‘good’ day if I’m dosed up to the eyeballs on Oramorph but it’s all quite exhausting & I’ve had to temporarily come off it to relieve my insane constipation and stomach issues. So now I’ve been on bed for two days. BUT it’s not all bad. I’ve been to see the Barbie since I’ve been here & been to the local pool with DD a few times & enjoyed sitting on the porch listening to the cicadas. It’s boiling hot too so am getting a break from the rain.

I’d love to hear your stories, tales of woes, worries, advice. Anything at all you want to say in this safe supportive space. There’s just so much in the mix for this stage of bastard cancer.

Page 3 | Cancer Support Thread 89 - the best thread that no one wants to be on. | Mumsnet

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LuciaPillson · 13/11/2023 08:52

@mowly77 Been thinking of you all the time since I read your update (with an interval for unintended sleep in front of the computer), but have struggled to post. You have such an outpouring of love and good thoughts and energy from all of us, hope you can feel it even if only a little bit. The thread is a wonderful space for us to vent and laugh and cry and thank you for starting it. Best of all possible wishes to you and your family and hugs as ever. xoxox

thesandwich · 13/11/2023 10:09

@mowly77 so very sorry. Sending love to you, your dh and lovely dd.🌺🌺

Silkiebunny · 13/11/2023 23:00

Hope you are still with us Mowly and thinking of you and your little girl. 😻

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 14/11/2023 15:22

Sending you so much love wonderful mowly x

CoffeandTiaMaria · 14/11/2023 16:48

A long time lurker here, I just wanted to send you much love and peace, bless you xx

wited · 14/11/2023 17:01

Sending you all my love, Mowly.

The courage and strength you've shown on here, along with your brilliant personality shining through has been outstanding.

SummerCycling · 14/11/2023 20:10

Mowly,

I've been thinking of you and your daughter. I agree so much with the poster before me about your brilliant personality shining through xxx

TwigTheWonderKid · 14/11/2023 21:02

@mowly77 we're all thinking of you and your family and we will continue to do so for as long as we too keep the bloody cancer at bay.

Already missing your acid wit and the fact that we were in it together. In fact I'm very cross with you for buggering off, you know!

You started this wonderful thread and I'll definitely be keeping it going for as long as I can, along with all the other amazing women you brought together.

Silkiebunny · 15/11/2023 00:18

I hope you are still around Mowly and got to see your US relatives today. And I am putting a ban on dying, especially if you start a thread.

DasAlteLeid · 15/11/2023 00:27

So sorry, gorgeous, funny, brave Mowly ✨ I’m forever in awe of your fighting spirit x

Silkiebunny · 15/11/2023 01:44

Mowly If you are still around and very bored I have to rate this delivery out of 5. Note the handle me gently, deliver me safely with a picture of it left outside on a rainy day. 😂

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
DaisyMaisyFaisy · 15/11/2023 07:35

I’ve been lurking on this thread, Ive had a recent diagnosis of stage IV cancer but not quite ready to talk about it yet. But I just had to post on here after reading @mowly77 sad update.

You’re an inspiration. Hope you’re still with us

TwigTheWonderKid · 15/11/2023 07:52

@DaisyMaisyFaisy sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I'm 5 months into my diagnosis and whilst it continues to be a roller coaster, there start to be times when it's easier and life is a bit more normal.

I'm so grateful to our wonderful @mowly77 for starting this thread. It's an amazing source of comfort, humour and a space where you can safely say what's on your mind without fear of frightening your loved ones and where everyone else truly understands. Real life with a stage 4 cancer can be terribly isolating.

Keep lurking for as long as you like and post when you are ready.

AGreatUsername · 15/11/2023 08:39

Mowly, I am so very sad to read your update. We spoke privately about PIP and cancer a bit last year and you were such a support despite your own health. Sending all my love to you and your little girl. Thank you for all your contributions.

balkanscot · 15/11/2023 10:45

@mowly77 I have been lurking on this thread for a while as the other cancer thread is no longer relevant to me - I have been diagnosed in March this year (primary BC in 2016, no lymph involvement, preventative double mastectomy with reconstruction, bilateral oophorectomy, yet the bastard was back in my lymph nodes in 2020 but still considered primary) with liver mets. Also BRCA2 +. Diagnosed 2 months after DH died of brain cancer (the most aggressive fucker of them all, glioblastoma). One traumatised DS11 who is about to become an orphan further down the line. This is what is absolutely killing me. Can’t talk about it in more detail yet as it upsets me so much.

1st line of treatment (clinical trial) failed after 6 months, now on 1st cycle of Capecitabine.

There are no words that I can say that will make it any easier - you have been fantastic all along, despite all the shit that has been happening to you. When small children are involved in the equation it is just freaking unbearable. Thank you and I hope you are made comfortable and are surrounded by family and their love. 💔

Feliciacat · 15/11/2023 11:59

@mowly77 I saw this thread randomly in the active section of Mumsnet and clicked on just now. You seem like the most incredible person and thank you for all that you’ve done for others during your time here (Mumsnet and the planet). I hope your beautiful DD gets to live a lovely life with your US relatives (my GDDs live in the US and it’s awesome). She will always remember her fantastic Mother. May you rest in peace xxx

LuciaPillson · 15/11/2023 12:31

@DaisyMaisyFaisy and @balkanscot Nice to hear from both of you and of course there's never any pressure to post here but also know that it's ok to post about other things than the state of your health or the things that are too hard to write about ....we like a joke now and again or to hear about your day.

@balkanscot So very sorry about your DH. That and your own diagnosis is more than most people are expected to handle. Hugs to you and your DD.

TwigTheWonderKid · 15/11/2023 14:34

@balkanscot , welcome to the thread. I am so very sorry to hear all that you have been been through and are going through.

My children are a little older than yours but I find myself able to bear most things about this awful situation but not what I know they will go through. I lost my own parents when I was at university and this has always been my greatest fear. I do have to keep remembering though that whilst my losses changed me, it did not damage me, the foundation of love my parents have me has been unshakable and I've gone on to have a very good and happy life, though of course I still miss them.

I hope be the Cape is tolerable for you. I'm on my 5th round of Cape plus Oxaliplatin and so far it's been ok.

SummerCycling · 15/11/2023 14:34

Thinking of you Mowly

I agree with the others who said they've put a ban on you dying after starting this thread and writing your wonderful posts!

I hope your family arrived safely from the US and are there with you now.

Sending love to you and your daughter.

Silkiebunny · 15/11/2023 16:12

Sending big hugs from Floof and I to you and your DS Balkan

SummerCycling · 15/11/2023 23:03

Sending my very best wishes and love to @balkanscot I'm so sorry to read your news.

(I'm not a member of this thread, only posting here to send my love to mowly, but I couldn't ignore your post).

LuciaPillson · 16/11/2023 00:42

@balkanscot Sorry, meant hugs to you and DS* Chemo brain on overdrive here and daren't do or say anything as all comes out backwards and wrong!

Tilllly · 16/11/2023 03:23

@mowly77 you've made the world a better place 💔

StrawberryJellyBelly · 16/11/2023 10:48

Mowly, I’m so sad to have reads your update. We posted together on the other thread and you’re someone I think of often. With much love to you Mowly, thank you for being you. ❤️❤️

MothralovesGojira · 16/11/2023 15:18

Oh Mowly.... I feel so sad for you and your lovely daughter.
Last year you comforted me when I was raging on the cancer thread about missing all the rock concerts that I had booked for last summer because you were missing them too.
Tonight I'm going to see Queens of the Stone Age. I will hold up a pint for you Mowly. I will dance & sing in honour of all the opportunities lost to you to see those bands again.
Peace be with you xx