Pamela thread 5 - Bile Duct Cancer, chemo begins

Pamela, that sounds so difficult. You have a lot to deal with. I hope you have an easier day today.

Pamela I'm so sorry you're feeling so ill. Hopefully today when you are getting the drains checked they can give you some good advice x

Sorry dressing change*

Pamela you are amazing and you have every right to fell however you like, you most certainly don’t need to apologise to anyone here for not feeling completely positive today. This is your thread to express whatever feelings that will help you.

I think of you often and am amazed at your resilience in the face of all of this. I am sorry that you are having such a rough time. Hopefully these are the darkest hours before the dawn. Remember that an arrow can only be launched forward by first being pulled back.

Sending love and strength to you, Kerr, Jacob, your Mum and Grandma 🌻

What an incredibly difficult situation Pamela and I really feel for you. There undoubtedly will be low times during your treatment and the fact you are not eating much won't help. Everything must feel very hopeless at the moment especially as you are away from home. I hope you have a better day today once the dressing change is done.

How unsettling for your grandma but I'm sure she'll cope with the journey to NI and she'll probably be happier there rather than with your mum's brother.

I really hope today goes better for you comfort wise.

Hi Pamela
I too am so sorry to her of your troubles (understatement). And I'm sure your poor mum could do without any extra sorting out to do,
I know you don't like to speak badly of people but your uncle and his wife sound like pitas!
Keep on keeping on x

I am so sorry you have to to contend with family drama at this time. Please try to concentrate on healing and leave your family to worry about it.
So pleased you have pain under control.
I think the chemo will make you feel worse before feeling better. X

Goodness, you do sound like you're struggling. Do you have a nurse specialist you can phone to check in with your symptoms and make sure they don't need to see you?

Sorry about your Grandma. That's such bad timing.

Please don’t be afraid to call 111 (the non emergency GP out of hours line) if you’re feeling so unwell. Personally I think you warrant a GP visit to your friend’s house today (and via 111 is how this will happen) and probably hospital admission for symptom management and up to date bloods given your oedema and worsening jaundice. At the very least a District Nurse should be coming to redress the drain where you are and you shouldn’t need to go anywhere.

This would be on the NHS and would not affect your eligibility for further chemo/ongoing private care, and I think (very much hope) you would find the hospital care far more proactive than when you were in Ireland. If I was the GP speaking to you via 111 or visiting you I probably wouldn’t hesitate to arrange hospital admission as above, and suspect most of my colleagues would do the same.

Now isn’t the time to be trying to manage things at home by the sounds of it, however much support you have. Please don’t be afraid to seek help and don’t try to second guess what will happen if you do. I honestly think you can be more comfortable than you are currently.

Sorry that sounds like a bit of a lecture but that aside sending lots of love and support.

Lizzie Xxx

Morning Pamela, thinking of you and hoping you have a better day today. Sending strength and love to you and your family x

Keep on fighting Warrior Lady!

Hi Pamela I don't know my stuff medically but I work with people with cancer and how you're feeling could be the chemo? Ironic it's meant to make you feel better but it often makes you feel awful a couple of days later.

Bloody awful about your Grandma that's shocking timing like wtf. Maybe you should call them yellow and rage-y and give them a piece of your mind!!

And re the face time to your mum and Jacob please dont worry they love you just the same, even a bit more xxx

Hi Pamela

Sorry to hear you are not feeling great but glad your back pain is being controlled better.

That's so hard about your grandma. I won't say what I think of your mam's brother. But your mam really doesn't need that extra stress. I'm sure your gran will be fine on the journey though.

Coming down from Steroids can affect your moods so that could be why you feel lower. My son used to being me gingerbread men to help with the nausea, but that might be hard for you to eat. You can ask for your antisickness meds to be tweaked.

I hope today is a better day for you.

Pic of my 16 month old grandson to help cheer you up.

Sending love & strength. Xx

Hi Pamela . Call the hospital and ask them to put you in touch with the Macmillan team local to where you are staying. Unfortunately with it being the weekend it will not be easy to speak to GP .
Sorry to read that your Grandma is being evicted by her own son WTAF is wrong with people!
Jacob and Your Mum will be ok . Hopefully FaceTime today when you are having a brave moment.
Sending love Pamela
LizzieXx

Here’s to a better day! So, so sorry to hear about the hard times you’re going through, so sorry to hear about your granny having to fly on her own and the upset it’s causing you, very understandably so. I very much hope for some improvement today. Jaundice be gone! All my love and energy to you and Kerr and all your family. 💕

Thinking of you Pamela, ❤🌹

Hour by hour ❤ lady
Don't be afraid to shout for help - even if that means going back into hospital for a while xx

Hi Pamela
It's rotten that everything seems to be caving in right now - but much of this is due to the meds you are taking and you have had operations which knock the stuffing out of you, had steroids and a lot of pain and worry.
This is a huge amount for you to be dealing with and it is bad timing on the part of the family to be adding to your woes. Your Grandma needs to be sorted out by the rest of the family - let them deal with the logistics while you concentrate on healing yourself.
The lower body swelling is part and parcel of not moving around much - but I do remember the district nurses telling me to elevate my legs and do simple toes and ankle movements. Not easy when you feel wiped out anyway. But Kerr's massages will help you feel more comfy too.
It all seems too much now but you are doing incredibly well - and we are all willing you on virtually and if any of us could take a tiny amount of the stress and worry away from you right now - we would willingly do so. A trouble shared and all that!! 🌻

I'm sorry for the family drama & disruption for your Grandma. I think however it's a good sign that you have the mental energy back to engage with it!

I'm so sorry for how unwell you are feeling but in very small steps, if you look back at your posts, it represents an improvement to the earlier despairing posts where you were suffering so much.

Is Jacob coming over soon?

Good luck with the appointment today 💐

Hoping you have a settled day today. You're an incredible lady

Lady you’re a saint! Your compassion and understanding for your family members when you’re going through what you are is an inspiration. Sending so much love and positivity to you 😘

Will the hospital not do a NG tube to make sure you get some calories in or NJ if your quite vomity. With regards to fluid are you on Furosemide?

It sucks your family can't look after your grandmother a bit longer while you are going through all this - some people are just self absorbed!

Stop worrying about everyone else and focus on yourself x

Good morning Pamela, your breakfast looks delicious! I’m sorry you are struggling so much, I hope you can feel the love and support on here for you and your gorgeous family. I’m sure your Grandma will be much happier being with the people that love and care for her the most, put the feelings about the others in the fuck it bucket!
Here’s to a more comfortable day, hour by hour.
faith, hope and love x

Thinking of you, wishing you comfort. Sending a hug from the sunny (at least today) north east of Scotland. xxx