Mum: Terminal Bone Cancer - Feeling Lost

[TeaAndTooManyThoughts]

Hi MN

NC as don’t want it linked to my previous posts, hoping I’ve posted on the right board. My mum has recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer. It has spread to multiple bones and the omentum, and we’re waiting for an appointment with the breast cancer team next week to find out more about what happens next and what treatment or support might be available.
I feel completely heartbroken and frightened. I don’t know how to process the thought of losing my mum, and I keep finding myself thinking about what life will be like without her. The uncertainty of not knowing what to expect or how much time we might have is really hard.
I also have a three-year-old daughter who is incredibly close to her granny. One of the things I’m struggling with most is how to explain all of this to her, and how to help her understand when the time comes. I just want to protect her from the hurt, but I know I can’t protect her from everything.
I’m also finding it difficult to think about everyday things, like going to work, and feeling guilty at the thought of taking time off when I’m struggling emotionally. It feels as though the world is carrying on as normal while mine has been turned upside down.
At the moment, we’re waiting for next weeks appointment, trying to take everything in and work out how to cope with it all.
I suppose I’m looking for people who understand what this feels like, especially those who have been through something similar with a parent. How did you cope with the fear of losing them? And if you have young children, how did you navigate that side of things?
I know everyone’s situation is different, but I feel very lost right now and would really appreciate hearing from anyone who understands.
I’ve no siblings or village to help.

Thank you for reading. ❤️

Hugs to you.
I lost my lovely Mum to the same disease just over a year ago.

When we were first told it was stage 4 and all through her skeleton it was devastating and her and my Dad were reeling. I went with them both to the first few oncology appointments, to take notes and advocate where possible. It did help to be able to refer back to who said what. And what we had to follow up on etc.

Mum was started on zoledronate infusions to strengthen and heal her bones, and a 3 weekly cycle of oral palbocyclib and letrozole. At first she felt pretty awful but her body adjusted after about 3 months, and it worked! Scans showed the bones healing and the bone pain lessened.

She was given the benefits you get when not expected to live beyond 12 months, but had almost 4 years from the stage 4 news. Had her ups and downs but we celebrated her 80th birthday and 60th wedding anniversary after diagnosis and she enjoyed the parties!

it’s horrible, and it’s your Mum, so allow yourself time to adjust and I hope you have someone you can offload to in real life, but I do pray you will also have a good amount of time to enjoy together still.

Thanks @MilliwaysI’m sorry to hear you lost your mum 💖

Ive got a very lengthy question list written for appointment next week. Feel like I’m treading treacle just now. Heartening to hear you had almost four years and she was able to celebrate her big birthday and anniversary. Mums aim at the moment is to get to her 70th birthday in March.

That’s interesting about infusions as mum already gets a similar one to help with her osteopenia and when she called them they did mention a potential alternative 🤞🏻

I have a couple of people IRL that I can offload too just finding it difficult to put into words.

I’m sorry you are in this situation.
my Dad (78) had bowel cancer last year, a major operation and turned down ‘preventative’ chemotherapy as he was too ill. This was the right choice for him as we were told in January it had already spread to his lungs.
luckily they removed the cancer in his lungs and he’s currently ok, but every appointment, every phone call, every scan is really hard to deal with as we are always waiting for the next bad news.
like the other poster I go to every appointment with him, as he gets confused with it all.
it’s difficult and I suffer with anxiety over it, but try to remain strong as hard as it is.
take care.

I know mum might turn down treatment as she’s always said if she had cancer again after her breast cancer 15 years ago that she wouldn’t go through it again. Everything is really raw today, very hard to stay strong and juggle everything and everyone 💖

So sorry to hear about your mum. Breast Cancer is a bugger and I fully understand why your Mum may not want to go through treatment again. But palliative treatments are very good these days and she could be offered alternative treatments which will give her lots of time to enjoy with the family. Hugs xx

Thank you @Rainbow1901 it’s appreciated 💖 I’m hoping she will listen to all options at appointment next week 🤞🏻