Since I’ve been older I’ve had a strained relationship with my dad mainly due to a clash of personalities I think. I found out at the beginning of the year that he is terminally ill and immediately did everything I could to rebuild our relationship as I have a fear of people dying alone. He gave me a large amount of money that he received as he has an asbestos related illness that I would rather spend on his care and things he needs to be honest however when I mention this he gets annoyed and says if I do that it’s not his wishes and that it’s for me and my children. I am trying to prepare as much as I can and myself and my children seeing him more often but the guilt I feel is unbearable, I cry all the time because I’ve got the best relationship with him when I might not have much longer with him. I’m not a strong person and I know I need to be for my children as well as him. I’m trying to sort things with Farleigh Hospice regarding putting pain relief in place when he starts to need it and getting care line put in place. He’s lost so much weight and I feel like I’m probably irritating him keep telling him to drink eat and get plenty of sleep because I want him with us for as long as possible. I wake up every morning hoping it’s all a nightmare. I have bipolar and to be honest I’m just dreading it all. Like I said I know I need to be strong for others but I just feel useless.