Partner dying - help me plan admin

[Butterbeanbutterbo]

My partner has recently had a terminal diagnosis and not sure how long he has. I have managed to get a couple of days to work through some essential tasks. Help me think of things to make sure we cover.

Stuff we have: check Will up to date/ re do letter of wishes, talk through funeral wishes, talk through dying wishes - eg DNATR/ consider living will, explore POA, copy over all his important contact details, look up life insurance policy, transfer bills he pays personally to joint account, ask about details of tasks only he does (eg to do with car).

I’m sure there are many others and can’t face googling previous examples so would really appreciate any help

any children involved?

i’m not clear whether or not he has a will?

how involved are family members?

i am so sorry

Make sure you know how to cope with all the admin tasks he may normally cover. Mundane, boring, difficult to face but necessary.

Social media accounts & login details.
Details of HMRC tax account
Pension fund beneficiaries (not the same as will)
location of passport, driving licence, any share certificates

I'm so sorry. Such a difficult time x

So sorry. I would also add in any passwords you might need. Also a list of payment dates, MOT, car tax etc. Also a list of contact details for anyone he would like informed when the time comes.

So sorry op.
My terminally ill husband recently died and actually hadn’t done nearly as much prep as he thought. He hadn’t updated his lists of where his vehicles were insured, renewal reminders have come through on his phone and I’ve had to contact them then once I’ve known who they were.
One thing I could have done with is for him to take fingerprint off his devices so it’s just passcode and to make sure all his passwords have been saved, even for the silly things.

Are you getting support from your local hospice? They can help with so much.

I'm so sorry.
There was a thread previously that might help https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/life_limiting_illness/4848479-partner-stage-4-cancer-what-do-i-we-need-to-do-in-terms-of-housekeeping
Remember that you aren't actually supposed to log into anyone else's bank account or anything else not in joint names so get as much as possible transferred to your name & otherwise you need account details & who to inform when it happens.

Also, so much is on line these days that it's hard to know what you are missing! MOT, car insurance, that sort of thing.

Get as much transferred into your name as possible. Assets, car etc.

no don’t. other family members may not be happy and it does t look good if taken to court

Get married?

I am so sorry.

Premium bonds? Easier for him to redeem them now than you having to do it during probate.

Best thing to do would be get married. Is your name on the rental agreement or mortgage ? Make sure you are his Next of Kin. If you intend to have a POA you need to do it very very soon before any strong medication is prescribed.

I'm so sorry. This is a minor point, but it will make your life so much easier later - get all utilities either in joint names or your name. Any account in a deceased person's name in gets frozen and will take time to sort otherwise. Take care x

Pension company information.

A colleague of DH was given a terminal diagnosis and hadn't previously nominated his wife to receive the death in service payment.

So sorry to hear
id get married if you’re not already

Any reason why you're not married? Of the intention is that the will leaves everything to you, then getting married is the best thing you can do.

POA takes time - please do this as a priority, will and marriage
passwords for all accounts
Pensions - are you nominated to receive? This is quick if not done already
understand what his wishes are
get support for yourself - practical and emotional - it’s a very difficult time x

I was going to say passwords to everything. Marriage if it's appropriate, POA for both finances and health/welfare if not. If you get POA make sure EVERYONE involved with his healthcare knows you have it.

And try to do some lovely things. My DSIS2 and I visited terminally ill DSIS1 in NZ when her diagnosis became terminal and spent 10 days visiting beautiful vineyards, going to beaches and reminiscing in her hot tub.

And go over old photos to identify who is who in them - I had to throw away loads of my mum's old photos as nobody knew who was who in them.

Would also recommend get married. You won’t get bereavement support payments without and so much other stuff is complicated. All logins and passwords. Tell him to delete anything he wouldn’t want you finding - we all have the odd private dark corner we wouldn’t be keen on anyone else seeing , saves you finding things later. Things like audible / Spotify/ iCloud Photos access. Mobile phone contracts. So sorry OP- doing all this will help you when the time comes.

Whose house is it?
Getting married would give you most protections
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

You won’t get bereavement support payments without
This isn't true any more, you must be married, in a civil partnership or living together as if you were.
Nevertheless, it's probably a good idea. Make sure his pension is assigned to the people he wants it to go to.

Oh just remembered. When FIL died we found out that the major banks and building societies have dedicated bereavement support personnel who can help you with admin and queries. Just ask to be put straight through when you phone.

There is an excellent book called 'Last Orders' which runs through everything you need to do - the idea is that you fill it out and leave it with your will. It covers bank accounts, passwords, what to do with social media accounts, all the way to way to what you feed your pets in case someone has to look after them at short notice.

Apparently the banks' bereavement support lines are very good.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.