Partner dying - help me plan admin

[Butterbeanbutterbo]

My partner has recently had a terminal diagnosis and not sure how long he has. I have managed to get a couple of days to work through some essential tasks. Help me think of things to make sure we cover.

Stuff we have: check Will up to date/ re do letter of wishes, talk through funeral wishes, talk through dying wishes - eg DNATR/ consider living will, explore POA, copy over all his important contact details, look up life insurance policy, transfer bills he pays personally to joint account, ask about details of tasks only he does (eg to do with car).

I’m sure there are many others and can’t face googling previous examples so would really appreciate any help

If he has assets over £325k getting married may be the best thing to do. Lots of other great suggestions.

Make sure you have details of his more distant relatives who need informing. But mostly make the most of your time. As useful as these things are, take time for yourselves together as they all can be sorted

If you do decide to get married you don’t have to inform family if you don’t want to. Weddings are big business but you can simply go to the registry office and may be granted a swift date if you explain the situation.
You talk about transferring bills to the joint account but I don’t know what happens to joint account when one person passes. Especially if you are not married. Might be simpler to have your own account and transfer everything to that.

My mum just passed away and the registrar told us about this free service. Apparently, it was developed by a lady who struggled to inform everyone after her mother died. Apparently, you can sign up for it in advance - maybe something you could look at together?
www.ledger.com

Apologies
That should be
www.lifeledger.com
Couldn't work out how to edit

Get married. You won’t be next of kin otherwise. My friend’s partner died suddenly and his NOK is his estranged sister. It’s like she has become irrelevant.

Solicitors will visit hospital and home in my experience. I'd ask for this immediately.

You can also enquire about marriage in a hospital hospice. It does happen

As others have said-get married. You don’t need to “have a wedding”, just an appointment at the registrar’s and 2 witnesses.

Get the POA sorted yesterday, both finance and health

I don’t know if this is just a Scottish thing (but I don’t think so) there’s a no fee service called Tell it Once or similar, amd basically when you register a death, this generates notifications to the benefit agency, passport office, dvla etc, basically all the govt stuff, which is hugely helpful

@Lifebeganat50 yes, that one is also useful for all the government stuff. Can only be done once the registrar gives you a reference number (have actually used it just today)

If you DO get married, remember that invalidates previous wills, unless they were written in anticipation of the marriage (I think!). So you may need a new one. (Also please DON'T think that if you're married you don't need wills, they are still important! NB do you have one yourself, too? - if not, sort that as well!).

Also make sure you have details of all bank/savings accounts, investments, pensions, and that expressions of wishes for pensions etc. are up to date.

If you get POA, read it all REALLY carefully, and make sure you and all witnesses etc. are really clear on what they need to do - I've been through the process or been a witness for other people 3 times now and EVERY time, somebody got something wrong and had to redo bits or the whole thing, even when being really careful, which is a huge time-waster.

Also the personal stuff - stories and memories you want to tell/hear and pass on, lots of hugs, access to photos (especially ones stored online), social media, any gifts he would like to pass on in person, places to go,....

Sorry youve had to do that today, hope you’re ok

Our hospice chaplain married couples in the hospice itself on a number of occasions, it’s worth considering it if that is an option for you. Remember to check beneficiaries of any pensions and that you are named . If he has any sole accounts try to change these to joint accounts as then you will automatically inherit . Sorry for your situation x

A friend of mine has recently been widowed and they thought they had prepared for everything but she was caught out by one thing- he had his own account. She was not aware that she would not be able to access that, it is frozen until probate is granted.

You must feel shellshocked. What's an awful situation for you both. I hope he is comfortable and well treated for the rest of his life. 💐

If you are not married you won't be next of kin. That means someone else who is next if kin might make important decisions.

Get rid of finger prints and put pass codes in place. Make sure you know these. Write them down so you don't forget once you are grief striken.
Car insurance company and policy documents, MOT, tax date, service due etc.
Utilities gas, electricity, water, companies and account numbers.
Digital music password.
Being practical is good but try to spend time making special memories.

op

you ask us to “help” you “plan admin”

but then don’t answer any of the questions that would help us do that.

@Lifebeganat50
I am, but thank you 😊

Thanks everyone for all the helpful replies. I really appreciate it. So many things to think about, it is quite overwhelming and I am just sat here crying trying to work it all out.

To answer questions we own a house with no mortgage. Even with this he does not have assets of more than 325k. No debts. I have savings - I will not need access to his personal account if frozen. We have a child (who may turn 18 before DP dies). We do already both have wills which were done quite recently. Loving relationships with family, many of whom live nearby. He leads a simple life eg no regular personal payments except Netflix and DS’ football.

The thought of a wedding sounds like a lot. I read about both taking documents to the registrar then waiting a month. Then going somewhere for the wedding. He is so exhausted (but not in hospice). Maybe as people say they can make exceptions and I will enquire.

thanks again for all your kind words and sorry for others who have gone through this

Hi, if you do want to get married you can apply for a waiver this will reduce the waiting time to 24 hours. The best thing to do is to speak to your local register office and they can talk you through all the options.

As long as you are both free to marry then there will be a way for you to get married quickly.

is he at home or hospital?

if at home, what care at home is he receiving?

does he work? do you work?

I'm sorry you are having to do this. Something that could be helpful,

Age UK produce a "Lifebook" with space to record useful and important information about back accounts, insurance policies, contacts, utility providers etc. it's well structured and designed so that nothing is forgotten.

He is at home. No specific care but we have a support link with a hospice for his specific illness. I work but have been allowed to work solely from home and have got some time off - effectively working part time. He is technically on sick leave from work (but won’t be going back).

Ask the hospice re wedding. Our local one has arranged many for 5heir patients. They can make everything simple for you.