Pancreatic and liver cancer

[WilsonMilson]

Diagnosed today. I can’t believe it. I thought I had gallstones. The liver tumour is already 7cm, I can’t even remember what the pancreatic one was, it’s on the head of the pancreas. They did more CT scans to see further spread but I don’t have those results yet.
I just am in a blur.
My pain has been getting really bad the last few days and I’m worried this is it. I will have a meeting probably next week to discuss the plan for treatment -if any.

I’m not ready. I’m 45. I have a son and a lovely husband. I have elderly parents.

I’ve gone into hyper organisation mode. It’s madness really, but tonight I bought birthday cards for my son, husband and mum for the next 4 years. I’ve been transferring money to different accounts to make it more accessible. I’ve emailed my son’s school, I’ve started writing to do lists.

My mum is flying in on Friday and will stay with me. I’m just so devastated and so sorry for my poor son and husband. I cannot believe this.

Re food ideally they will help with nutrition once a care plan is in place. Until then you might like to try complan as it's full of nutrients and relatively easy to get down. A good feed for your body might help you to feel less rubbish.

When I was I'll and couldn't eat I was given some flavoured full nutrition drinks which helped a lot.

It's a beautiful day for the beach 😊

I'm so glad you're finding ways to enjoy the comfort of "normality". I also really feel for you, and your anguish around "what ifs". From what I know, pancreatic cancer is notoriously difficult to diagnose in the early stages, and unless you had a crystal ball it's completely understandable that you didn't push harder early on.

I'm keeping fingers, toes and eyes crossed that the MDT come up with a good plan for you. As others have noted, treatments are evolving all the time. I'm rooting for you. Xx

OP you are amazing and the fact that you can come back here and talk to us shows just how strong you are - I hope you know that.

Also regarding the regret you have about not catching it sooner, I remember you saying you'd had scans previously which hadn't picked anything up so you absolutely DID do everything right. Please try not to beat yourself up about this, I mean what else could you have done?

I hope that Monday comes around quickly and you have more answers from the doctors then.

As always, you're in my thoughts x

OP I'm so, so sorry to hear what you're going through. What an incredibly difficult thing to face. It's unfair, and completely understandable that you'd have trouble with acceptance this early on. Give yourself time to be upset, angry, grieving - you've only had a few days to process this news. All emotions you're feeling now are valid, and will continue to be valid through this entire situation.

As for regret over earlier diagnosis - it makes perfect sense that you put it down to gastritis or back pain. Most people would. It's not your fault it wasn't found sooner. I'm sure it's so hard not to dwell on thoughts of "but if only I'd done this...", but you may very well have had the same outcome anyway. Pancreatic cancer is hard to diagnose early. From what I know it's most often found at late stages. You didn't do anything wrong, you've just been handed a really shit card.

I hope you are able to manage your pain and spend lots of time with your loved ones. And I hope the results of the MDT meeting give you some plans/treatment going forward, or at least some support and comfort. 💐 I'll be thinking of you.

Hi OP just a message to send you love. I read your original thread about your symptoms and was so shocked to hear how it has escalated for you. I'm so sorry. It's terrifying.

I read your thread when I was at my mums house with my mum and my children outside. Your thread encouraged me to go outside to be with them and be around them. Suddenly I felt how lucky I am. Sending you lots of love and support. And love to your darling boys too who love you so dearly.

I keep coming back to your thread and have thought of you lots, this week one of my parents received the same devastating news of pancreatic cancer that has spread to the liver, I am stuck on what to type next (have typed and deleted many times) - there are actually no words to describe such a diagnosis. The sadness and grief is overwhelming.
It has been a stark wake up call to enjoy every single moment of life possible, be present and work out what’s really important.
I hope you are able to create more special memories with your family and make the most of your time together.
Sending strength x

Thinking of you OP.

Hi everyone. My son has his lovely girlfriend round just now, she is going to stay for dinner and my husband is cooking. I’m glad for a bit of normality for him, I think it’s really important that he continues to have a normal life, levity and fun, that he isn’t just confronting horrors all the time.

I’m a bit exhausted and sore today, legs a bit wobbly, so I’m basically just sitting on the sofa in the sunroom and being given cups of ginger tea.

The steroids I’m on do seem to have given me a bit of a boost in some ways, especially appetite, bit worried that will go when I stop taking them, but not even thinking of that now. As for diet, I’ve made some radical changes in the vain hope of doing something positive for my chances - I am only eating fruit, vegetables, lean meats, eggs, olive oil and nuts. Drinks are green tea, ginger root tea with lemon and water. I have no idea if this will make any difference but I feel like it can’t hurt. I’m going very low carb and no dairy.
Look, I know it’s not a magic solution (if only), but when you are shit out of luck, you’d do anything. It helps me feel like I’m doing something in this time of limbo.

I am overwhelmed at the support I’ve had on here, and in my real life. It’s bringing me a great amount of comfort, and my faith in God has been renewed and strengthened massively in the last few days.

I don’t know if i’m moving through the grief stages, but I think I’ve started to pass denial that it’s happening. I am still waking multiple times a night in complete terror and panic which then takes a while to talk me down from (thank you DH) but I am less strung out during the day and I haven’t had to take any more diazepam. Mentally it’s not easy, but it’s slightly less completely and screamingly intolerable. What has helped there is making a conscious decision to fight. For the last few days I have been very hopeless, willing to accept the statistics, almost waiting to die.

I’m finding more strength in turning away from that completely. Look, I know that in itself may be a form of denial, but I’d like to think it’s more of a making room for miracles. Nothing in life is absolutely set in stone, and while I’m here I’m going to fight, I have to, I must. I don’t want to go until I’ve given it every single bit of my energy and I want to be cured, I want to have a life with my precious boys.

The journey continues…

Wilson, you are awesome. Keep going, we are all right behind you ❤️

I'm so glad that you're having a lovely 'normal' day, it's so good to hear that you're getting so much support in real life as well as on here. You sound incredibly determined and I'm so very glad

Lovely to hear from you @WilsonMilson , completely understandable your feelings about this. I will be rooting for you from afar, I hope you have some positive news about your treatment plan 💐

I am so sorry x your posts have me in tears. My friend’s mum died of pancreatic C a few years ago and since then my friend has devoted his life and raised so much money for pancreatic C charities. I’ve heard of so much of it since despite not having heard of if that frequently at all. It is awful how for such a common cancer early diagnosis seems to be largely elusive.

Wishing you and yours peace and love ❤️

Pleased to see your updates. Thinking of you tomorrow.

A friend had the surgery, half his liver removed, two further liver surgeries and survived 10 years, not a great prognosis at your age but better than a few hours! Also medical trials of immunotherapy drugs are a possibility, no idea how it works in n Ireland or what specifically is being tested

Amazing attitude and sprit. Keep fighting girl! Xx

Lovely, positive update Wilson. I think the diet is an excellent idea. You're family sound amazing too. Glad you were able to create normalcy too.

Dear Wilson
Have been thinking of, and praying for, you constantly since your first post. I've just returned from visiting my sister who has Stage 4 PC and it's hard. At the same time our faith has been hugely strengthened by the love and support of our church family as well as all who love us. I found this beautiful song which I hope you can find from the link above. Very ancient Icelandic and yet so relevant. You can look up the meaning of the lyrics but even just the music carries such comfort.

You are absolutely right - nothing is set in stone. You're a fighter, you're amazing.

Stay strong xx

Just wanted to say hi as I've been following your thread.
My lovely friend died this January and I can't quite believe how all this happens and we just have to accept and get on with the business of living.
It's all bizarre but whilst we are here I think we should all make the best of all our moments.
Much love 💕

‘Making room for miracles’……you’re absolutely right.

Absolutely top notch attitude Wilson.

We're here for you 🪩🕺💐

@WilsonMilson

Lovely to get your post today 🌸I'm very relieved you'd decided to fight!! It must be so much better for your mental health than simply accepting.

'Making Room for Miracles' is a lovely way to put it. I'm going to steal/borrow the phrase if that's ok with you?!?!

I low carb to prevent having to take medication for diabetes. I don't eat meat/fish or eggs, so it gets a bit tedious! As you do, it is a lovely way of eating. But as you're not trying to be'in keto' and lose weight, 'a bit of what you fancy' will do you good too!!

I'm so happy that you've got such a lovely DH, he must be such a comfort, especially with the dark thoughts & terrors at night. Hopefully they will fuck off go away soon. (If they don't, maybe see if they can give you something).

how long has DS been with his GF? Do you know her well? Feel relaxed around her?

we're here all the time, when you're upbeat AND when you're low/angry/sad.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow & hope they call early with a positive plan of treatment xx

I don't have any words of wisdom but I just wanted to let you know that since I started following your thread last week, I've not been able to stop thinking about you Wilson. We are a similar age and I can't imagine how devastating it must be for you to find out you're so ill. I'm so very sorry, I'm hoping with every fibre of my being that something can be done to give you more time with your family. You sound like such a lovely woman, so brave. I hope you're doing as well as you can be this evening. Sending you so much love and positive thoughts.

@WilsonMilson …I am in awe of you . Great attitude and approach will hopefully bring out the fight ,you can do this along with your gorgeous boys and the MDT who can advise on your battle plan X❤️

Hi Wilson. What an inspirational post, Thankyou for sharing.

Just popping in to say I've been keeping you in mind today. I hope the MDT have got back to you, and you're armed with a bit more knowledge about the situation. Xx