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Life-limiting illness

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Original poster

I'm going to die and I'm petrified

152 replies

dewisant2020 · 28/02/2023 21:41

I'm not sure where to start really, I was diagnosed with lung cancer and today I went to see my specialist who's told me my prognosis is terminal.
My heads been all over the place, one minute im crying, the next laughing.
I am so afraid and keep having panic attacks.
Will I ever make peace with this I keep asking myself

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 28/02/2023 22:04

My DH had terminal LC - the stats are really out of date - if you want up to date in for look on the Roy Castle web site - have they 'typed' it yet, there's lots of really good treatments out there that can really add years. If you want to message me that's fine,

Poochypaws · 28/02/2023 22:04

I think it is totally normal to be terrified when facing this. My own mother is 83 and terminal with end stage heart failure. I thought with her being elderly she would be at peace with the idea of dying and she has indeed sometimes said she is ok with it. However lots and lots of times over the last few years she has been utterly terrified. What helps her is to imagine that she is going to be reunited with my dead dad in a better place. So rather than think of "leaving" she thinks about "going to" (the next place where my dad is and where she won't be ill anymore). I don't know if that is any help. Perhaps if you have lost someone that you loved even a dog you could think about "going to them" rather than "dying".

It may be too soon for you to find this helpful as you are likely in shock and as you say utterly terrified. Once it starts to sink in perhaps make a list of anything you want to do like update your will or see certain people or write letters. Then try to spend what time you have left doing things you find peaceful (for me that's beside the sea, where I realise the insignificance of all us human "ants").

Another thought that has helped me help my mum is telling her we are all going to die. Just on different days. No-one avoids it. We are all on the same road with the same end.

My mum has been given antidepressants and anti anxiety meds for people in this situation and I think they have helped her a bit too.

I'm so sorry for your news. You sound alot younger than my mum of course and I don't know if you are leaving children behind which must be agony.

Life is short and very unpredictable and everything can change frighteningly fast.

My mum has a friend who is religious and she believes this (life on earth now) is "hell" and the afterlife is the "reward" for after.

I am often surprised by the number of people who have passed through my life who did not reach old age (it almost seems common). My husbands brother died at 28 from a blood clot. My first serious boyfriend died at 50 from cancer. A friends late wife died at 36 from breast cancer. My sister in laws dad died young from a heart attack as did my uncle. None of this helps you of course but perhaps will make you feel less alone to realise many others have also gone through this.

I hope you manage to find peace xx

Poochypaws · 28/02/2023 22:09

p.s. I second what others have said about terminal sometimes meaning years rather than months. My mum got told she had about 6 months left in November 2019. Almost three and a half years later she is still here (although failing quite badly now). So doctor estimates can be really wrong and you may indeed still have years left even if you are "terminal"

PillBoxes · 28/02/2023 22:10

What awful news for you, I am so sorry.

Cancer being "terminal" often means it is not curable, but treatable. Many people are in Stage 4 and are living long beyond their expectations. Therapies and treatments have come a long long way these days.

Did the doctor explain things for you, and can you get a second opinion anywhere? I won't interrupt your devastation but do try and reach out to support groups and counselling.

samsmum2 · 28/02/2023 22:11

OP I'm so very sorry to hear this, how frightening for you. I'm not sure what to advise you, other than I imagine it will take time to come to terms with the prognosis and I'd agree with PPs to seek help from organisations such Macmillan who should be able to offer help/counselling. Other than that, when your head is a little clearer, perhaps try and dig deep and think about what you feel you really want to do whilst you still feel well enough to do it. Sending hugs.💐

Shitfather · 28/02/2023 22:12

❤️ I have no idea how one deal with this news. Fortitude.

Fruitini1987 · 28/02/2023 22:14

So sorry ❤️

ShooshWhoosh · 28/02/2023 22:15

I’m so sorry OP! No words of wisdom, but thinking of you x💐

safeplanet · 28/02/2023 22:15

i'm really sorry to read this

Starryskiesinthesky · 28/02/2023 22:19

Sorry to hear this. I think for now you need to do whatever you can to help cope with this news 💐

EpicChaos · 28/02/2023 22:22

Have you spoken to your local MacMillan service? They have a department within my local hospital, perhaps they have one in yours? It might be worth asking anyway.
Also, we have an holistic centre at my hospital that provides various services for cancer patients, you can get a some counselling there, also things like aromatherapy, reiki, etc. Obviously there is a bit of a waiting list for things but maybe your specialist nurse can help you to get in contact, if you have an holistic centre near you.
I wish i could be more helpful but i hope it helps to know that there are people here who care.

RLScott · 28/02/2023 22:22

Sorry for your news OP.

As others have said you could have years as this could well be treatable. The treatments nowadays are far more advanced than previously so God willing you have many more years in you yet.

JoonT · 28/02/2023 22:22

Its2amimustbelonely · 28/02/2023 21:51

My DM was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer last March. She had a tumour the size of an orange in her lung. She's since had chemo which she sailed through and radiation therapy which has knocked her about a bit but she's coming out the other side. Tumour now the size of a walnut. All treatment is palliative but she is responding well and we're hopeful for another 2-4 years. I'm so sorry you've received this news but a terminal diagnosis doesn't have to mean it will happen this year or next. You could have a good ten years left in you. Sending you love 💕.

And researchers are making progress all the time. They’re using advances in AI, genetics, etc, which means that the pace of discovery and breakthrough is speeding up. I have read that we’ll make a thousand years worth of scientific progress in the 21st-century, because the pace is increasing so much (what is known as exponential growth).

Four years is a long time. Who knows OP? Maybe there is more hope than you think. If you have treatment, and it shrinks the tumour, that could give you three or four more years. Maybe during those years there will be radical advances in nanotechnology or immunotherapy or something. That could then give you an extra five years, during which new breakthroughs are made, and so on. I suspect that is how we’ll ‘cure’ cancer. There won’t be a single hallelujah moment. We’ll just get better and better until cancer becomes like diabetes - something we live with and manage. Don’t give up xx

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 28/02/2023 22:25

I just wanted to say I'm sorry you had this news and I wish you well xx

Loq · 28/02/2023 22:26

We are all here for a virtual hand hold op 💐

ArabellaScott · 28/02/2023 22:27

What a terrible shock, OP. Have you someone with you?

Whu · 28/02/2023 22:30

Op I just want to say that I am thinking of you and I hope your days can bring you as much joy and peace as possible. Have you a support network IRL? Macmillan can be amazing, please do reach out to them. Hopefully friends and family can offer comfort but MN is always here either way.

We are all just walking each other home and you won’t be alone.

JackieQueen · 28/02/2023 22:33

So sorry, we're all here for you when you need to talk ❤

Naddd · 28/02/2023 22:34

❤️

FettleOfKish · 28/02/2023 22:35

I'm so sorry OP. I wish I had more comforting words for you. I hope you've got good people around you.

I know of a very brave Man who had a terminal diagnosis, and as a journalist by trade he turned to writing it all down. It may not be something you want to read now, or ever, but I think parts of it may be a comfort to you, or at least let you know that you're not alone in your thoughts and feelings.

If you ever want to look, it's here garyschemodiary.wordpress.com xx

GHxx · 28/02/2023 22:35

Gutted for you and so sorry none of us can pull you out of this with any sort of helpful words. I hope you have the best time ever, doing whatever you like to do best. I will be thinking about you

Johnisafckface · 28/02/2023 22:35

OMG I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the emotions and the thoughts you are going thru right now. I don't have any advice but I do hope that you will find peace in the coming weeks/months.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 28/02/2023 22:36

I’m so sorry. I don’t have any words of wisdom but I wish you strength.

Yellownotblue · 28/02/2023 22:36

I’m so sorry. Cancer is an arse. I don’t want to give you false hopes but my dad had terminal cancer diagnosed, and went on to live six wonderful years. My best friend’s mum had terminal lung cancer diagnosed last year, responded really well to chemo, and is now on track for many good years.

Good luck, it’s not as grim as it sounds. Xx

clareth · 28/02/2023 22:37

I’m so so sorry you have had this news. The treatments for cancer are developing at an incredible rate and the results are often astonishing.
Please try and have hope.
I had a very close family member diagnosed and she had some great results with an immunotherapy treatment. In the end, it stopped working but she did have many more years than was first thought.
Please reach out to Macmillan or Marie Curie too.
Wishing you all the very best, take care.