Still the storm

[Willowkins]

Continuing the support thread - mostly for the partners of people living with terminal cancer - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/life_limiting_illness/3266385-The-calm-before-the-storm?pg=10

@chinchin77 I am so sorry, he sounds wonderful, what an unimaginable loss to you and yours. If you want to talk more about him, please do xxx

@chinchin77 he sounds wonderful, we're here to talk to when you're ready xx

@chinchin77 he sounds like a wonderful man.

@chinchin77 he sounds like a wonderful man.

@chinchin77 your loss much be so great - losing such love is enormous - thinking of you and sending love

X ray done, seeing oncology Tuesday for results. DH is complaining of constant pain in right hand side ribs ( opp side to what he's just had radiotherapy) hoping it's not more bone mets 😭

Fingers crossed @notapizzaeater for good results for your DH - sorry to hear he is in pain - hope you are okay

Cataract op done this morning, he's currently asleep in bed. Due to Covid they did both in one go 😀

Oncology tomorrow - fun week this one !

I'm still so very sad. Hopeless to do anything. Cremation Thursday morning, perhaps thus will bring a little closure. In the interim - he lives all around me, all our lovely things, books, knives, just everthing.

@chinchin77 ((hugs)) have you family with you ?

Seen oncology this morning, nothing new to report, we've a ct w/c 10th August then follow up 2 weeks later

I haven't updated for a while. Basically, we are still in a holding pattern, as DH's central nervous system lymphoma gradually overwhelms his brain. He has been getting more tired and physically weaker, but still has periods of each day when he is himself, and is still enjoying food and talking and films and music, etc. The most difficult things have been a couple of episodes when he forgot who he was. One last night which was very difficult and painful for him. I have anti-anxiety meds to give him in these situations which help a bit. DS (20) is being very strong and supportive.

We had a letter this morning, bringing DH's appointment forward and changed from a phone consultation to face to face, can only assume it's bad news and the cancer is growing again. However the appointment is for next week and I booked us a 2 week holiday to Greece last night that flies on Sunday. We have decided we are still going and will push back the appointment for when we get back.
FUCK IT

@SchrodingersKitty steroids really helped my DH confusion. It's hard for everyone to watch 😭

@loubieloo4 I'd be in the fuck it camp too. Have you managed to get insurance ? Someone told me that you needed the consultant to ok it to be covered ? We can't go abroad as the drugs DH are on make him super sun sensitive and his skin 'prickles' even with factor 50 on - we'd decided to go on a fuck it cruise to the Norwegian fjords just as lock down happened. Our hospital appointment this week was a face to face (and I was allowed) so I feared the worse but she didn't actually tell us anything. DH is currently sleeping loads and loads, I can't wait for the next CT/MRI in August

@chinchin77

Hope today goes as well as it can go, I'm thinking of you x

Sending love and strength today @chinchin77

@notapizzaeater: my DH is also sleeping loads today - it seems like a new stage and is making me worry that things are escalating.

He is already on a fairly high long-term steroid dose which has been holding back the inflammation and confusion, but I don't think the medical people are wanting to raise it again just now. He found it too much when the dose was raised a few weeks ago as he felt very manic and unable to sleep at all.

I just got quite upset about how much he seems to be slipping away suddenly. It had made me realise that however much I thought I was coping, I must be in some denial still about the fact that it will only end one way. He is pretty cheerful, though.

@chinchin77: thinking of you.

Thank you all 🌹. He's now cremated and that is some closure but also a huge finality. I'll be back to see how you are all going but going to move over to @willowkins thread on grief in 'bereavement'.

Hope you all well, DH currently in hospital struggling to get his breath I'm sat in the car waiting to see what they say. Doctor just listened to his chest and can hear slight crackling and reduced volume on left side (tumour side) sending him for an x Ray - it's bloody hard this not being allowed in with him 😤😡

Just found out he's a pleural infusion (fluid round the lung) but they aren't sure why, sending him home with anti b (just in case) and booking CT in next couple of days ...... open access to ward if hes still struggling to breath

Hi, I think I might need to join. We (DP and I) are at the start of his diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. He goes into hospital tomorrow after the news on Monday, he's already lost two stone in weight and we had a really fight to get the GP to take his jaundice seriously, he's dayglo yellow, tired and, as of tonight, in pain.

@bloodywhitecat welcome to the club, pull up a chair. Hopefully you'll know more after the op tomorrow about what the options are and the way forward.

hi everyone. i am having a day. was trucking along relatively well the last couple of weeks, all things considered, but today, i just cant.

im at work, and i have so much to do, deadlines etc etc and its all so meaningless (except it isn't I desperately need this job) and i just find myself grinding to a halt.

and im really really angry.

why does THIS have to be the last of our time together.

this misery.

how rage inducing that my last years with my love are not a testament to the 20 years of joy and happiness and love, but a grinding, terrifying, lonely, exhausting rollercoaster of horror.

@bloodywhitecat hope op went as well as it could

@Frikonastick am thinking of you x