Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Life-limiting illness

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Flip

Original poster

Mum is dying and I'm 37 weeks pg

24 replies

Misspilly88 · 21/05/2017 08:58

Not really sure what I want from this...a little handholding? Has anyone given birth right after they lost their mum, I don't know how I'm going to do it, my heart is broken.

She's in hospital now with cancer and they've taken her drip off and she's sedated. We are just waiting.

OP posts:

VintagePerfumista · 21/05/2017 09:00

Oh bless you.
No direct experience but just wanted to offer a handhold.

sandgrown · 21/05/2017 09:09

No experience of this situation but thinking of you. My dear mum used to say as one person leaves the world another one enters. Your new baby will no doubt have some of your mum's looks or personality. My son was born on the anniversary of my mum's death and he looks most like her so I always say she sent him.

LexieLulu · 21/05/2017 09:15

My mum died when my first born was a few months old. Not the same at all but wanted to give you my sympathies.

I know this might be odd, but when I held my baby after leaving my mum, it made me feel so much better. The circle of life.
Your baby will forever have a guardian angel watching down on them.

None of this will help now I know, it's too raw.

Take care of yourself xxx

disconnecteddrifter · 21/05/2017 09:17

Thinking of you. My mum was hospitalised the day I gave birth and died a few months later. It was obviously awful but I remember it as a happy time as well due to my baby. I felt like there was a connection with them and my little boy is six now he often says he was speaking to granny in heaven probably because I talk about how excited she was for his arrival all the time.
Sending love

Amanda0878 · 21/05/2017 09:18

I de-lurking just to say that I have been in your position, just over ten years ago my darling Mum passed away, two months to the day, before my first child was born. It was the worst thing in my whole life and at the time I thought things would never be happy again. I just want to say that in my experience having my son made me get out of the house and gave me something to focus on. The sadness never really leaves you and certain anniversaries will be hard, even ten years on. But you do learn to live with it and you will enjoy your new baby, please don't beat yourself up when you feel guilty for being happy at the same time as being sad, it took me a while to realise my Mum wouldn't want me to be sad all the time. Sorry I'm not sure what else to say to help. Sending you a virtual hand to hold.

EsmesBees · 21/05/2017 09:19

That's terrible for you. I lost my mum from cancer just before I found out I was expecting my second. So I can relate a little bit. You'll get through it, but it is tough. Remember the good times and take any help offered. There are no prizes for being stoic. The good thing about babies and toddlers is that they are very self absorbed and need lots of your time, so they do take your mind off the darkness.

TestTubeTeen · 21/05/2017 09:27

I am so sorry,

Are you with her? Hold her hand and whisper to her? Tell her how you will love her grandchildren as she loved you,

Whatever you feel is OK. There are no 'shoulds ' or 'oughts'.

Blossomdeary · 21/05/2017 09:36

My Mum died unexpectedly 2 days after I witnessed the birth of my DGD. It was a strange time. But I knew that she would have wanted us all to be happy with the new arrival. Sorry you are in this difficult situation.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 21/05/2017 09:38

I'm so very sorry I'm not pregnant, my youngest is 3, but my mum is dying and it's horrific. Just the most helpless feeling. No advice, just a massive hand hold

ErictheHalfaBee · 21/05/2017 10:02

I am so sorry to hear this Misspilly. My mother died when I was 22 weeks pregnant with my first child. Treatment was withdrawn and I sat by her bed holding her hand and talking to her as often as I could for the 4 days it took her to fade away. I was devastated. Shortly afterwards I had a placental abruption and ended up giving birth by emergency section. Possibly due to the stress. I was offered counselling but felt I could deal with it on my own, which was a mistake. 18 years later I finally had some counselling to deal with the issues that the experience had left me with.

Losing your mum is a major life event, having a child so soon after losing your mum gives you no time to work through your feelings. If you are offered counselling, please take it. Thinking of you

Frazzle76 · 21/05/2017 10:12

Sending love and hugs. Reading all the other responses you are not alone, there's more of us than you think and threads like this are nice because they give us all a bit of comfort. My mum died from pancreatic cancer in Jan when I was 27 weeks pregnant. The in between time was ok as I had to keep busy. It's been hard since my daughter arrived as the grief opened up again like physical pain. It's very hard not to feel cheated of my mum and angry that everyone else still has their mum. I have to remind myself it's ok to feel like this.
I find it hard when we go places that she would like and I say I miss her, other people just tend to skip over it and change the subject when I want to talk about her.

These last hours are precious and your mum will be so proud and comforted by your presence.
Xxx

Original poster

Misspilly88 · 21/05/2017 10:17

Thank you all so much x can't really find any words but it's such a comfort to know I'm not alone.

OP posts:

silkpyjamasallday · 21/05/2017 10:28

Hello OP, I am so sorry about your mum we lost DPs mum unexpectedly while I was pregnant, she passed away just under a month after her cancer diagnosis when I was 6 months pregnant. It has been incredibly difficult for DP because of the two incredibly strong conflicting emotions, on one hand being overjoyed to welcome your little one to the world and on the other being devastated to lose your own parent. I like to think of it as DD having a guardian angel even though I'm not religious, DD is named after DPs mums mum and she knew that before she died and was so incredibly happy as she was very close to her mother. We also decided that she would be known as Nanny to the baby so other female GPs and GGPs are grandma rather than nana or similar so it is special. I am going to make a patchwork quilt for DD with some of her old clothes once DPs stepdad decides what he wants to do with them. We are also making a special photo book with a sort of life story as she travelled all over the world so that DD will know her in some way.

Take your time to grieve in the way that you want to and don't feel guilty about feeling sad when you have a new baby, let yourself feel what you need to. It is heartbreaking but you can share lovely stories about your mum with your DC so that she is a part of their lives in a positive way.

Again I am so sorry OP, I will be thinking of you

Original poster

Misspilly88 · 21/05/2017 21:50

Oh she's gone. How surreal. She waited till just after we left her after spending the day at her side holding her hand. I'm sure it's because she didn't want to upset us :) thanks for your support I will keep reading over your responses. Xx

OP posts:

TimidLividyetagain · 21/05/2017 21:54

You will get though this, I know how unreal it feels at first, take care

Starlighter · 21/05/2017 22:03

Oh I'm so sorry

I hope your new baby will give you the hope and the strength to get through this difficult time. A new little life starting over just as one has just ended, and a whole new life for you too. Maybe you could make a tribute to you mum with the baby's name?

Original poster

Misspilly88 · 21/05/2017 22:12

Thank you. She suggested a boys name if its a boy that we will use, and her name as a middle name for a girl (haven't found out the sex)

OP posts:

NavyandWhite · 22/05/2017 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarsAndStripes18 · 22/05/2017 14:51

I'm so sorry

Not quite the same thing but my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer when I was about 7 & half months pregnant. I took it very hard but shut it out and honestly believed that he would see Christmas (9 months away)... he didn't!!
He died when my little boy was 1 day short of 3 months.. it was an absolutely horrendous time!
I got through by believing he was always looking over us and it sounds strange but sometimes I would catch a whiff of his clothes, as if he was beside me.. that was a massive comfort.

xxx

XxStefxX · 22/05/2017 14:54

Im sorry about your mum OP xx

debska · 22/05/2017 19:04

So very sorry for your loss x
My mum died 2 weeks before her first grandchild , my son was born.
She will live on in your baby. We tell our children about their lovely grandma and all the fun things she did.It is so heartbreaking but my new baby helped me. Pm me if you want to talk. X

GlitteryFluff · 22/05/2017 19:18

I'm so sorry op xxx

Original poster

Misspilly88 · 23/05/2017 11:10

Thank you. Still can't believe it.

OP posts:

Frazzle76 · 25/05/2017 10:29

Oh sweetie I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending lots and lots of love. We got people to write memories and pictures of my mum in a book at her funeral so we can tell her grandchildren what she was like. Not everyone did it but even a few people helps. That or something similar might be a nice way to keep her memory alive for your little one.
Grieving takes years. Be kind to yourself, you learn to live with the constant ache. Xxx

Flip