Conflicting information from different family members

[Katymac]

DD is off at college (just 18, yr13) - My dad is terminally ill

She gets messages from me & my brother being honest & explaining as best we can

Then she speaks to my mum who says "He's fine", "he's lots better", "he'll be back on his feet in no time"

& she believes my mum

& he won't be

& I end up having to be blunt, upsetting her, getting understanding and then a few days later she gets the same sort of message from my mum & it starts again

& no my mum won't listen to reason

Just Aaaarrrggghhh!

It sounds like your DD (and your DM) knows that her grandad is dying, but doesn't want to admit it. Not much you can do, apart from remaining honest and giving her the facts as you know them.

She has to find her own way to deal with it.

We talked about David Bowie at lunchtime and about how his death was 'pretty OK' - he knew it was happening, his family were with him & (presumably) he had the pain relief he needed to just go to sleep - totally sanitised and imaginary on my part

But I think she got it

It's so hard. I think your DD must realise you, her mum, is telling the truth and that grandma probably doesn't want to upset her.
must be hard as she's away from home.
you sound like your dealing with it well.

She seems to be a bit better about understanding - she doesn't want to come home every time anything happens, but does want to see him before he dies

She has been really proactive & spoken to her teachers at college! & wrote a note to one she is a bit unsure of her relationship with

I am proud