Help for son and his siblings

[Jankwrs1]

My 17 year old son has cancer. We were told this week that it has spread to his lungs. He is likely to decline further treatment as he does not want to prolong our pain. He has a twin brother and slightly older sister. They are all very close.
I don't think he has very long so these are the things I am doing/helping him with: I have put money into his account so that he can choose and order Christmas presents for his sister and brother (he asked me to do this and he wants to choose lasting things like jewellery); I have started a journal that I will give to his twin, describing these last times between them; his sister and I are putting together an album of photos of family and friends- his sister has asked his mates to send her ones of them all together. Hopefully we will be able to show him the album and then his brother can keep it afterwards.

His sister has also discussed the tattoo that the three of them were going to get when my son was first diagnosed. Obviously he will not get it now but her and other brother will (he will get when 18). Something that shows the love between the three of them.

Apart from discussing his funeral wishes, is there anything else at all I can do to help his brother and sister, and him through this. We (including his dad) are all supporting each other. I just don't want to have missed something, please.

I have a tear or two whilst reading this. What a wonderful mum you are. Supporting his decision is so hard.

I have a few thoughts. A video. Picture albums. Handwriting, cards for milestones and a letter for wedding days. These are hard but it sounds like he knows they are important.

Much love and hugs xx

Jank, are you in contact with Clic Sargent and/or Teenage Cancer Trust - they can offer really good support.

I'm so sorry you're all having to go through this
Have a look at the "dying matters" website, they have some really good info on things to do.

Thank you everyone. Today, after carefully weighing up his options with his consultant he chose to decline further treatment. Very hard for all of us but we are getting behind him as a family.

Bewitched thank you very much for your kind comments. Sugar I am very sorry for your own loss and I like the henna idea. Wham the silver decorations are something that I think we would all love and Flumpty I will certainly look at capturing some of his terrible handwriting for posterity!

These are all some seriously lovely ideas that will be full of significance for each of us. I wouldn't have thought of them.

Stinky we have some services coming to see us tomorrow and I am aware of the two you mention-particularly TCT. I will check them out more fully. And I will look at that website Imsorry thank you.

Not really sure how to do this now. Just one foot in front of the other, like it has been since his diagnosis 18 months ago I suppose.

Thank you DrewsWife.

Your son has made a brave decision - such maturity in someone of his age. I hope things are settling down for you all and however long is left is full of joy and happy times. He really sounds like a son to be proud of, as do your other children. Love and strength.

ps feel free to shout and rage as well - fucking bastard cancer takes too many, too soon

You can get a silver necklace or jewellery item with a fingerprint of the person in like a dog tag style thing- they are really lovely I ve saw a few done with a child's fingerprint as a gift and they are lovely.

This kind of thing

YY to what Just says. I know it's not the same, but when my dad was ill I emailed one of the companies that do fingerprint jewellery. They sent me a kit for fingerprints and also 'inkless' handprints. It meant I could get jewellery made at a later date, and also I am just comforted by the fact that I have the original fingerprint and handprint to look at. Love and light to you and yours x

What a wonderful family you sound. That you are putting aside your own wishes to grasp every bit of time possible with your son in support of his wish to choose a path that will hasten the end is the most loving thing you can do and I really admire you for this.

You've been given some lovely ideas here. I don't know where you live but this place in Northumberland does beautiful glass imprints of hands. My sister had them made of her children when they were little but it works for adults too. You could have one made of all your children together, or individual ones by your son for his siblings and you?

I'm really sorry you're going through this and I wish your lovely son and your family quality special time together now and a peaceful end for him when it comes x

Sorry, forgot the link:

www.connellandhart.com/

I've just seen that there are various ways that the imprints can be taken at a distance too so it wouldn't matter if you lived too far to get them done in the shop.

Thank you everyone for your ideas and the link YellowDinosaur. Just and Penguin thanks for the pics. I personally really like the idea of having his fingerprint with me always. I think I'm going to pinch that idea for myself! He will probably think I am mad coming near him with a fingerprint kit.

I have always tried to teach my kids that life is not fair at times and to be grateful, even when life seems dull and uneventful. I think we are all learning that really hard lesson right now and wish with every fibre of our beings that life could go back to being dull and uneventful.

Thanks Coco and Stinky too.

Jankwrs, you sound so lovely; I'm raging that this is happening to you all.
Please make sure that you back up photos, put images and videos from your phones onto hard drives etc as I'd just be afraid you could lose them.
As others have said, the spoken word is lovely; even a recording of someone reading a poem or the lyrics of a song they love, or a personal message.
I also like the idea of a tree (or three trees?) as it creates longlasting beauty, a place to sit, even a living thing to hug.

What about including in the journal everyone's memories of earlier childhood, fun and naughty things they've done, memories of Christmas and birthdays and days at the seaside and just the simple lovely things of their shared life? They will all remember different aspects of events.

Some of the fingerprint jewellery places can also recreate pictures in jewellery. I've only seen it with basic kids drawings, but dependent on how complex the tattoo is, he could have his on a necklace. www.pastelprint.co.uk/totsart-kids-jewellery-c-21.html

Thank you Villainous and Overrun. Ultimately, I think I will plant something or have something else special in the garden. It has always been given over to football but as they have grown up it has become more civilised!

Daughter is beginning to put the album together and adding comments would certainly make it even more personal. We have laughed a lot at things over the years.

Thank you for the link. Even though I don't feel strongly about tattoos, my daughter has a strong urge for them all to share this so I will very happily take a look at the link posted.

I am overwhelmed by your ideas and support. Thank you.

Have you been made aware of the willow foundation www.willowfoundation.org.uk who organise special days for people with life limiting conditions.

He could record himself reading a book so that the three of them can a,ways read that book together or so he can read it to them in the future. Or even a poem.

I've been thinking about your son and all of your family, Jankwrs1. I hope you have a peaceful Christmas together.

I have only just seen this and I am sending you love and my very best wishes for a peaceful and happy Christmas and know it must be difficult.

Your dignity and love and strength pulsate through this thread. I am sure your sons does too and this will never be forgotten.

What about future birthday, graduation, wedding, new baby cards?

Thank you so much for your ideas and contributions. I will update properly at some point but am a bit emotionally exhausted at the moment. My lovely boy is still with us; I am told teenagers can take longer to die. He is at home and we are caring for him. Hospice has visited and giving us support over phone. Will visit if we need. GP visits fortnightly and Community Nurses come too. Just watching him is breaking my heart all over again, every day. He asked the GP how much longer, today. The GP told him that it probably would be within a couple of weeks.

I can't begin to imagine how you must feel, Jank - how are you coping? xx