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Original poster

I think my DH is dying

426 replies

Hellenbach · 04/10/2015 04:50

I can't sleep. It's been 13 years since DH was originally diagnosed with cancer. He had a big operation and we had many years of good health.

Then it came back and it's been a rocky road of different treatments over the past few years.

We are running out of treatment options now. He is currently on no treatment as the last one stopped working.

I can't believe how much he has deteriorated in the last few weeks. He has been bed bound for 6 days, barely eating and in pain. He is skin and bone and sleeps all day.

On Thursday he is going into hospital for radionuclide therapy. They will inject him with radioactive medicine. He has to stay in a lead lined room for 24 hours.

When he comes home he has to sleep in a separate bed for two weeks. We can't touch him for two weeks either. He has explained this to Ds1 who is 9 and very upset about it.

DS2 is 5 and has learning difficulties so is less aware.

I just don't know how DH will tolerate the treatment when he is so weak and frail. We are hoping it will stabilise the cancer. We won't know if it's worked until several weeks afterwards.

Just need a bit of hand holding.

OP posts:
Ilikesweetpeas · 23/04/2016 07:28

Another stranger who is thinking of you and your family. I hope that you get plenty of support, and that everything goes as well as it can for you all FlowersCakeBrew

sandgrown · 23/04/2016 07:35

New to your thread. Thinking of you. Hope you get your husband home soon Flowers

Buttwing · 23/04/2016 07:43

Just seen this thread, I am so so sorry life is so utterly shit and unfair. Huge hugs for you and your dcs.Thanks

Procrastinatingpeacock · 23/04/2016 07:45

Haven't posted on your thread before but have followed it. I'm very sorry you have reached this stage. I hope you're able to have some meaningful time together at home with your DH. We faced a similar situation with my mum last year and actually I found that the last days and weeks at home were a very special time. Lots of sadness and very intense, but it felt that once we knew the end was near we could put everything else to one side and just focus on each other. It's hard to describe but actually I look back on that time as a kind of relief after the treadmill of treatment and uncertainty.

Will be thinking of you and your family.

GlitteryFluff · 23/04/2016 07:50

Thinking of you. Life is so totally unfair. I hope you all manage to make the most of the time you have left. I'm sorry xx

Maladicta · 23/04/2016 07:54

Thinking of you all Flowers

InformalMother · 23/04/2016 07:59

Thinking of you Flowers

HRHsherlockssextoy · 23/04/2016 08:06

Just thinking of you

NationMcKinley · 23/04/2016 08:08

Here's another hand hold, shoulder, whatever. We'll all help in anyway we can. Think of you all Flowers

Eastpoint · 23/04/2016 08:12

Thinking of you and your lovely boys.

LavenderDoll · 23/04/2016 08:13

Thinking of you Flowers

Lunar1 · 23/04/2016 08:14

Thinking of you and your family. Thanks

calzone · 23/04/2016 08:19

Sending you lots of love xx

Ememem84 · 23/04/2016 08:19

Just another stranger thinking of you and your family hellen.

mostlyexhausted · 23/04/2016 08:21

Been through similar (but with my Dad so quite different I suppose) and the end for him was peaceful and calm. Once he was home we all just relaxed and were with him as much as we could. Hope you have a peaceful time at home with DH Thanks

suze28 · 23/04/2016 08:25

I've followed your thread, Hellen but not posted till now. I'm sure bringing your DH home will bring some peace to the start of the end as you rightly call it.
When my DF died we were able to arrange for him to be transferred from the hospital to our wonderful local hospice ward. It gave me, my DM and my DSis valuable time together to reflect on what had happened (brain tumour diagnosis to end of only 7 wks) and all of the memories we had. It helped us to start to make sense of losing dad.
I sincerely hope you find the strength to get through this. Thinking of you Flowers

eatyouwithaspoon · 23/04/2016 08:27

I went through something similar with my dad when I was a child, thinkihg of you and ypur family Flowers

rainbowstardrops · 23/04/2016 08:34

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you all Flowers

IDontSayBlahBlahBlah · 23/04/2016 08:44

Just read this thread and wanted to send you best wishes. My thoughts are with you all 💐

MeltedMoments · 23/04/2016 08:56

Just read the thread and wanted to send you all some love. You are in my thoughts xx

MaximumVolume · 23/04/2016 08:59

Hellenbach sending you all my love. We went through similar with NET with my Dad (carcinoid). Doctors were all over the place. His decline was rapid...over about 3 months. Even a 2 weeks before he died the consultant didn't seem to realise how bad the decline was. Please do PM me if I can lend any moral support or practical advice. Flowers

WordGetsAround · 23/04/2016 08:59

Such a devestating situation. Thinking of you and your sons.

ajandjjmum · 23/04/2016 09:13

Just seen this thread Hellenbach. You are a real star. So sorry that you are having to cope with such a dreadfully sad situation, and wishing you strength.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 23/04/2016 09:17

Been on this thread since the beginning (under a different name). I am amazed by your strength Hellen and thinking of you and your family Flowers so devastating for all concerned.

sarahbanshee · 23/04/2016 09:54

Like peacock and others have mentioned, active dying can actually be a very peaceful and positive process at times and I so wish this for you Hellen. My brother died of lung cancer last year and his final week in hospice included some truly precious moments of stillness and comfort and love. Make your own rules - hold him, let the children hold him, sing, talk, laugh, weep, let them tell jokes or read their school work or ignore him and play Minecraft. Offer everyone their moments alone and force no one to take them. Be selfish - make people get you food, give you breaks, go away when you just want to be alone with him. Don't wash if you don't want to, but take a long hot shower if you want the peace. The days and weeks and months and years ahead will be hard enough, let yourself be in the bubble of the moment right now. Wishing you and your DH and your children strength and peace and holding you in the light.