I think my DH is dying

[Hellenbach]

I can't sleep. It's been 13 years since DH was originally diagnosed with cancer. He had a big operation and we had many years of good health.

Then it came back and it's been a rocky road of different treatments over the past few years.

We are running out of treatment options now. He is currently on no treatment as the last one stopped working.

I can't believe how much he has deteriorated in the last few weeks. He has been bed bound for 6 days, barely eating and in pain. He is skin and bone and sleeps all day.

On Thursday he is going into hospital for radionuclide therapy. They will inject him with radioactive medicine. He has to stay in a lead lined room for 24 hours.

When he comes home he has to sleep in a separate bed for two weeks. We can't touch him for two weeks either. He has explained this to Ds1 who is 9 and very upset about it.

DS2 is 5 and has learning difficulties so is less aware.

I just don't know how DH will tolerate the treatment when he is so weak and frail. We are hoping it will stabilise the cancer. We won't know if it's worked until several weeks afterwards.

Just need a bit of hand holding.

Your all in my thoughts Hellen, you've been incredibly strong! X

It must be so hard juggling all the balls at once. Hope you are getting a break and some me time.xx

💐

I owe you all an update, thank you for your prayers and messages, it means a lot.

DH continued to deteriorate, eating less, sleeping more. I could never get hold of a consultant to speak with. Eventually I saw my GP as I was so unwell, he gave me antibiotics and asked about DH. When I told him he advised me to get him moved to a larger, more specialised hospital.

It took just over a week but last Sunday he got a bed and was moved. The new hospital was shocked to see how malnourished and weak he is. He is 6ft 2 and weighs around 50kg now.

They immediately put a nasal gastric tube in and started feeding him. They said he is at risk of a heart attack as his body is so weak. He was asked to discuss a Do Not Resuscitate order.

I held it together while I was with him but am feeling very emotional and tired now. I burst into tears when I got a parking fine today and the attendant cancelled it!

We will know in the next few days if he will pull through this. He still has the infection and they need to get that under control.

The children broke up for two weeks today. They are both all over the place emotionally. DS1 is angry mostly, DS2 just wants to cuddle Daddy.

We will see what this week brings.

Goodness, you're incredibly strong. I'd be in bits in a corner, crying. Have you got friends or family nearby for support? and for you, and ot your DC.

I've just read through all this Hellen, I'm new to your thread, but another couple of shoulders here if you need online leaning / crying / letting it all out tonight.

I'm so sorry for everything you're all going through xx

Hellen, nothing really to add other than to say I'm thinking of you and your family.

Now's not the time but the care your dh has received seems appalling, thank goodness he is now in somewhere more clued up.

Holidays must be so difficult for you all, how much wider support do you have?

is there anything we can do to help you?

Thinking of you X

Just read your thread. Thinking of you. You're doing amazingly although I'm sure it doesn't always feel like it.

Oh Hellen,I am so sorry for all your going through,it is tough when watching someone you love, the helpless feeling you want to get them better. I am thinking of you
Much love
Xx

Thinking of you

I have just read the whole thread and want to let you know that you are in my thoughts.

I lost my mum as a teenager, many, many years ago.

I would have so desperately loved to have a letter to open from her after she had gone, on my wedding day or when my first child was born.

Is this something your husband would feel comfortable doing for the boys.

If he loses his battle they will be incredible things for the kids to treasure.

Just a thought and sorry if this is too intrusive.

Expatmomma that is a lovely idea.

I was thinking today it would be nice to record his voice but it's so weak and quiet now.

I will see if he can manage to write. Thanks

That's ok.

Maybe he could even dictate a few thoughts for you to type up for them? If he is too weak to write.

I hope you can all find some peace in the days, weeks and years to come.

You are an incredibly strong woman, Hellen, and I continue to be in awe of you. I am sending you, your DH and your boys all the love I can and hope your DH turns a corner soon at the new hospital.

Hey lovely .... How are you all doing???? So pleased to hear about the NG Tube ....! i hope it makes a difference to his energy and weight!
Sounds like you are being brilliant as always... Your strength is amazing.

Thinking about you Hellen

Hello Hellen, just popping in to say that my mum left a letter for me, and it means a huge amount to me, even though she wrote it years before her death. If your DH is up to it, it would be a lovely thing for your boys to have.

Thinking of you and your DSes. I do hope you are ok. to you xxx

Hi Hellen, how are you doing today? I've just read your post and you're incredibly strong and brave. Your family sound amazing.

Thinking of you and offering my hand to hold xxx

So this was the week that marks the beginning of the end. DH hasn't really recovered as everyone had hoped. He has been in hospital about 9 weeks now, now on TPN feed (into the vein) not eating much, bedridden, bowel shutting down and infection.
It was obvious that he wouldn't be strong enough for more cancer treatment so it wasn't really a shock to be told this. The children want him home, I want him home, we don't know how long we will have him for but we have to make the most of the time we have.
The doctors have been great, they are going to set up all the community care and hopefully get things moving.
We all decided to tell DH on a need to know basis. He knows he is going home and I am sure he knows the full implications of this, but he hasn't asked and I don't know if he will.
It's going to be tough, thanks for being there.

I'll be thinking of you all over the coming days and weeks, I hope he's home soon.

I'm so very sorry to hear this Hellen.

I hope your lovely DH comes home soon and is comfortable.

Thinking of you and your DSes, I hope they are of comfort to you and each other and that you also have some other RL support.

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