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Life-limiting illness

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Original poster

I think my DH is dying

426 replies

Hellenbach · 04/10/2015 04:50

I can't sleep. It's been 13 years since DH was originally diagnosed with cancer. He had a big operation and we had many years of good health.

Then it came back and it's been a rocky road of different treatments over the past few years.

We are running out of treatment options now. He is currently on no treatment as the last one stopped working.

I can't believe how much he has deteriorated in the last few weeks. He has been bed bound for 6 days, barely eating and in pain. He is skin and bone and sleeps all day.

On Thursday he is going into hospital for radionuclide therapy. They will inject him with radioactive medicine. He has to stay in a lead lined room for 24 hours.

When he comes home he has to sleep in a separate bed for two weeks. We can't touch him for two weeks either. He has explained this to Ds1 who is 9 and very upset about it.

DS2 is 5 and has learning difficulties so is less aware.

I just don't know how DH will tolerate the treatment when he is so weak and frail. We are hoping it will stabilise the cancer. We won't know if it's worked until several weeks afterwards.

Just need a bit of hand holding.

OP posts:
CoperCabana · 18/12/2015 19:35

Handholding from me. How incredibly sad for you all. Hope he is as comfortable as can be. You need to look after you too.

thesandwich · 18/12/2015 20:04

Thinking of you.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 18/12/2015 20:20

hellen. I had my dad at home in his last week's. Carers came from the hospice three times a day and also overnight. They supplied him with practical stuff like hospital bed and commode.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. How are your DSs doing? Have you got family/friends nearby?

BooOzMoo · 18/12/2015 22:52

We found McMillan useless too!! My DM dies 6 weeks after dx2 weeks before that she was on holiday with her mates having a whale!!!!

larrygrylls · 22/12/2015 10:22

Hi Hellen,

My mother died of, I suspect, the same cancer a couple of years ago. She was determined to die at home and did exactly that.

It was all very calm right up until the last few days with fabulous free NHS carers coming in daily.

However there was very little joined up care between the hospice and the gp, leading to a distressing last weekend (understatement). Practically, make sure you know who is responsible for your husband's care at all times (especially nights and weekends) and make sure all the drugs that might be necessary are in your home.
A
Personally, in retrospect, I think being in a hospice is far preferable and will be my choice when the time comes, but it is very personal.

Best of luck!

catsrus · 22/12/2015 11:30

This is such a horrible time for you Hellen I do hope you are getting the support you need now? we are thinking of you.

Original poster
Hellenbach · 22/12/2015 20:51

Thanks for all your support. We saw the surgeon today and he said he isn't happy for DH to come home Xmas eve. He will allow him home for a few hours on Xmas day.

The palliative care nurse said he could come home and it's important as it's his last Xmas.

We are going to have to make a decision tomorrow.

OP posts:
ovenchips · 22/12/2015 22:59

I see, so you're going to have to decide between having your DH at home for just a few hours on Christmas day, or having him at home for a longer stretch with the worry he's not really well enough to be there? A decision I am sure that you didn't want to be in the pisition of making.

If you have to reach a decision tomorrow, I truly hope that (some) sleep overnight and a while to cogitate will give you some indication of an answer in the morning. Flowers

mathanxiety · 23/12/2015 00:37

Flowers to you Hellen. What a tough decision.

Sansoora · 23/12/2015 04:11

What a choice to have to make.

Im so sorry Hellen,

xxxxxx

3littlefrogs · 23/12/2015 05:48

Would the surgeon be ok with a transfer to the hospice?
IME what matters is being in a comfortable, peaceful environment, where you can all be together with as little stress as possible. I think hospice care can provide that. They have round the clock nursing and medical input plus all the necessary meds/equipment.

I am so, so sorry you are all going through this.

Julius02 · 23/12/2015 07:13

I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and the difficult situation you are in. Take care X

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 23/12/2015 07:14

I think that the palliative care nurse will see this/deal with this more and have a good idea?? Dunno, but that's my gut feeling. It sounds like they think that Dh would be ok at home.

ThomasRichard · 23/12/2015 07:20

I've just see this thread OP. I really hope you are able to have Christmas together.

Gooseysgirl · 23/12/2015 07:22

Thanks I'm so sorry you're going through this, you are all in my thoughts and prayers xxx

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 25/12/2015 18:57

How are things Hellen? Hope the day has gone as well as it could do.

notapizzaeater · 25/12/2015 19:01

Thinking of you today xx

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 25/12/2015 21:12

Thinking of you Hellen.

helensburgh · 25/12/2015 21:29

Hope you've managed to spend time as a family

chelsbells · 25/12/2015 21:40

Thinking of you and your family tonight Hellen xxx

Ememem84 · 25/12/2015 21:43

I hope you've managed to spend time as a family today hellen

X

ouchmyfanjo · 25/12/2015 21:54

Helen, just read your post. I have no words at all. Thoughts are with you and your family. Xx

ateacupofgin · 25/12/2015 23:26

How are things Helen? Thinking of you and your family today X

Sansoora · 26/12/2015 02:37

How are all of you today Helen?

xxx

BumWad · 26/12/2015 03:34

Thinking of you Flowers