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Life-limiting illness

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I think my DH is dying

426 replies

Hellenbach · 04/10/2015 04:50

I can't sleep. It's been 13 years since DH was originally diagnosed with cancer. He had a big operation and we had many years of good health.

Then it came back and it's been a rocky road of different treatments over the past few years.

We are running out of treatment options now. He is currently on no treatment as the last one stopped working.

I can't believe how much he has deteriorated in the last few weeks. He has been bed bound for 6 days, barely eating and in pain. He is skin and bone and sleeps all day.

On Thursday he is going into hospital for radionuclide therapy. They will inject him with radioactive medicine. He has to stay in a lead lined room for 24 hours.

When he comes home he has to sleep in a separate bed for two weeks. We can't touch him for two weeks either. He has explained this to Ds1 who is 9 and very upset about it.

DS2 is 5 and has learning difficulties so is less aware.

I just don't know how DH will tolerate the treatment when he is so weak and frail. We are hoping it will stabilise the cancer. We won't know if it's worked until several weeks afterwards.

Just need a bit of hand holding.

OP posts:
Expatmomma · 02/05/2016 05:27

I am so sorry to hear this.

Grab every moment you can ... And your boys too.

As a teen when my mum came home to die I would get into bed with her and just be there next to her.

Looking back this may have caused her a lot of pain but she never complained.

Cuddle as much as you can and your children too with their dad. Those times are now my abiding memories and as such are a comfort.

I hope you find peace.

Hellenbach · 05/05/2016 21:39

We are home! It was all very sudden as DH was deteriorating rapidly in hospital.
He came home without any IV treatment or feed at all so just has pain relief now.

It all felt very scary and as though he was about to die but so far he has really surprised me. The visiting palliative care nurse said people often pick up once they get home as they are more relaxed.

He is eating and drinking small amounts and very coherent. He has had lovely chats with friends, watched football, watched a film with DS1 and been sleeping with the sun on his face.

It all so much nicer than I expected. We are able to talk openly about him dying, both the children know. It's slightly surreal.

I hope that he will gradually slip away. I am praying for a good death.

OP posts:
Napnah · 05/05/2016 21:45

Thinking of you all.

mineofuselessinformation · 05/05/2016 21:48

Precious moments for you all to cherish.
No other words ATM, but a massive (hug).

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 05/05/2016 21:55

Sad I hope his last days are as peaceful as they can be. Flowers

sarahbanshee · 05/05/2016 22:01

Precious days. I hope it continues peaceful and calm for you all. So many good thoughts.

Mishaps · 05/05/2016 22:03

It is good that he is happy at home with you all and that he is spending his days with his loving family. It must be a relief that you are able to talk honestly and openly and share this time together without the tension of keeping things from each other. I am so glad that he has a good palliative care nurse. Hoping for a peaceful time for you all. Flowers

Costacoffeeplease · 05/05/2016 22:04

I'll pray for him to slip away peacefully too - and I don't often pray Flowers

TheMightyMing · 05/05/2016 22:07

Praying for a sweet and peaceful end, love and thoughts with you all x

Inaminutenow · 05/05/2016 22:07

Thinking of you all and big hugs x

Sidge · 05/05/2016 22:20

Wishing you peace and strength my lovely.

Fingers crossed his end is calm, comfortable and peaceful and you are all surrounded by those who can love and care for you.

Hugs to you Flowers

DancingDinosaur · 05/05/2016 22:26

I'm sorry Hellen. My dh died last year. Although it is a terrible thing to happen, the final days for my dh were very peaceful. I hope things are peaceful for your dh too. Love and strength to you all.

OrlandaFuriosa · 05/05/2016 22:35

Hellen, get lip salve, cotton buds, because his mouth will get very very dry.

Thinking and praying for you all. A good night, a quiet end and peace at the last.

VilootShesCute · 05/05/2016 22:46
Flowers
SparkleSoiree · 05/05/2016 22:53

Thinking of you. This is such a precious time for you all. Flowers

thekingfisher · 05/05/2016 22:53

Thinking about you all and hoping the next days are peaceful and comforting for all of you X

LemonEmmaP · 05/05/2016 23:08

Sending you love and strength

Houseofmaidens · 05/05/2016 23:13

We are all here. Hope you have friends and family supporting you too?

FourFlapjacksPlease · 05/05/2016 23:17

I'm thinking of you. I'm so glad he is home and that you can all be together

Musicaltheatremum · 05/05/2016 23:20

I have been through similar. My husband had a low grade brain tumour for years then it became aggressive. He came home and then deteriorated quite quickly. His last 48 hours were very lucid and very peaceful and we all said our goodbyes. The only sad thing was he lost the ability to speak so couldn't say more than the odd word. I hope it is peaceful for you all OP. I really feel for you tonight.

toriap2 · 06/05/2016 06:02

My thoughts are with you all xx. 💐💐

strawberryblondebint · 06/05/2016 06:07

I have no idea how you are feeling. To be coping at all makes you an amazing person. I had to post just to say how sorry I am for you and your family. Hugs

timelytess · 06/05/2016 06:26

Thinking of you all.

RTKangaMummy · 06/05/2016 07:28

Pleased that he was able to be at home with you all Flowers

Hope you all had some sleep last night Flowers

ParadiseCity · 06/05/2016 09:23

Praying for you all.